I’d really like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here. I’d also like to express my condolences to you for the very sad loss of your husband. Oh my gosh, just 7 weeks ago – that is NO time at all. I can so understand how awful this would be for you, as it is still only very fresh and raw for you.
I’ve had similar experiences over the years and I’ve learned that people who make comments usually are well meaning, but unless they’ve been there, those comments can actually be hurtful; comments like give it time, I feel aren’t helpful at all.
I lost my Dad (almost 8 years ago) and my Mum, one year ago (and also my closest brother, 24 years ago). To me, I still grieve immensely for them and for each one it is bloody tough – as I was fortunate that I had awesome relationships with my two parents as well as my bro.
I also saw how incredibly tough things were for my Mum when Dad passed – they were married for 53 years, and I hear you loud and clear when you say things like: both going out, say shopping and then they’d sit down at a coffee shop together; or at home, Mum would then have to just cook for herself – and just so many other things.
If I can suggest a couple of things, it would be to surround yourself as much as you possibly can with loved ones. Your children (and if they have partners, etc) can be a huge source of positive support. But also your own friends – I know my Mum had some long time friends, and they all did things or met up from time to time – just to help Mum out.
I hope that some of this message has been a little helpful and please take care, each and every day. Write back here as often as you wish as well. It’s a great environment, you can feel safe and comfortable here and unload as much as you wish, people here will advise if we can, but above all else, offer great support.
Please remember also that grief is an individual thing and everybody grieves differently – so please don’t feel concerned about how you are feeling – it’s an awful process that we all have to go through.