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Forums / Grief and loss / i tell everyone i am fine

Topic: i tell everyone i am fine

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. rainey23
    rainey23 avatar
    1 posts
    26 August 2020
    i am so incredibly sad just getting up out of bed is hard. My mum passed away two months ago and i feel i just can not cope without her. i can not sleep and i keep picturing her face when she died. i try to zone out because i have to go to work but i feel so distant. my house is a mess my life seems a mess i don't know what to do anymore. I have to tell everyone i am fine but i am not my mum was my only true friend and i don't know if i can continue without her. I nursed her all year it was not suppose to end this way. i just feel so lost
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6161 posts
    26 August 2020 in reply to rainey23

    Welcome to the forums rainey23, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be really difficult to reach out and write the first post, so thank you for having the strength and courage to do so. We are so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum, we can't imagine how devastated you must feel. Please know that you've come to a safe space and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

    It sounds like you're in a really tough space and it might help to talk it out. We'd recommend getting in touch with Griefline on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. 

    Hopefully, a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help you get through this time of adjustment.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. White Rose
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    26 August 2020 in reply to rainey23

    Dear Rainey

    Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for telling us about your mom and please accept my sincere condolences. I remember when my mom died. She was in the UK and I was in Australia so I did not have a chance to say goodbye. I received a phone call from my sister telling me the news on Christmas Day.

    For at least a year I came home and cried every night. Often I cried at work, disappearing into the toilets to have a little weep. There is no need to pretend you are OK. Everyone grieves for parents and other family members when they pass away. It's because we are human and not Superman (or woman). Grief also takes its own time to get over the loss. And it is such a huge loss.

    I know we need to get on with our lives and carry on with our jobs. It is expected but do not let this be the only face you show. It's OK to be sad. Feeling lost and alone is part of the process towards healing. My mom died 20 years and I still miss her. Not with the overwhelming loss it once was but I still find I want to talk to her at times. So I do. Not in public because it would not be understood, but in my own home.

    Does your employer have a Employee Assistance Program? If so it may be worthwhile to have a chat to one of the counselors. You can cry and get upset in that very safe environment as you work to heal. If there is no EAP perhaps you can ask your GP to refer you to someone about your grief. It doesn't mean you will forget mom or stop hurting immediately. It does mean you will have a safe outlet with someone who understands grief and loss.

    Posting on the forums may also be helpful. I think most of us have suffered a huge loss of some sort and understand the pain this brings. No matter if the death was expected or not it is always a shock when it happens. We humans are good at hiding stuff from ourselves.

    Don't worry about the housework. It will get done when you are ready. Have you considered asking your GP for some help to sleep? I don't know what your attitude is to taking meds but I make the suggestion because you do need some rest. I suspect some of your confusion is due to sleep loss. Remembering your last sight of mom is hard. When this happens can you substitute a picture of mom doing something she loved? At least until the rawness of your loss has calmed down a little. You will get through this time.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful

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