I lost my mum three days ago.
She was my best friend and my only parent, and I loved her very much. She got her diagnosis three weeks before she passed away and was in hospital that whole time. It took me about two weeks to come to terms with her diagnosis and I did occasionally feel heavy and a bit sad (but nowhere near as sad as I thought I should’ve felt) but after a certain point I made peace with the fact that she was going to die, and I feel like that peace came way too quickly and easily.
On the day she passed away I felt an initial shock, and I cried a bit while getting dressed and taking a taxi to the hospital, but then I felt fine. I was apprehensive to see her corpse, but when I did, I was shocked at how okay I was. It felt normal. What I’m feeling is not an emotional numbness but a normalcy. Not having her around the house even feels normal, which is bizarre.
It’s been three days and I’m not thinking about her a lot. When I do I feel fine. I can even think about her corpse and feel fine. I know people say this can happen with grief, but this just feels different. It’s not a numbness, I’m feeling other emotions, I can even have fun when I do things like play games. I’m not dissociated at all either.
It might be worth noting that I’ve never lost someone before, I’ve had a lot of cats die though, cats that I loved very much, and I also never grieved them.
So yeah. Any advice? Does anyone relate? I feel terrible about this, like I’m disrespecting her.