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Forums / Grief and loss / Trying to deal with finding my father dead.

Topic: Trying to deal with finding my father dead.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Meg027
    Meg027 avatar
    1 posts
    25 February 2018

    Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest.

    I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off. I went to check on him and found him dead on his bed. I was spared seeing his whole body and an autopsy done the next day which revealed he had a gastrointestinal bleed.

    I had watched my mother pass away from cancer four years earlier and now to find my father passed away. I’m Not even 30 years old and I have no parents left and I only ever had one brother.

    I’m married with 3 beautiful children who have helped me get through. But I find when they are in bed and I suddenly have all this time to think, it’s all I think about and I get this heavy sadness over me. we are also clearing out his property for sale and it’s been hard to wrap my head around that he is gone. He was a very healthy man so it came as a huge shock.

    Thank you again for anyone reading, it has already helped just writing my about experience and hope maybe someone with similar experience can share some light on their experiences.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16480 posts
    26 February 2018 in reply to Meg027
    hello Meg, my sincerest condolences for the passing of your dear dad.

    It must have been such a terrible shock for you to find him, and the pain you must have gone through would be horrendous, I feel so sorry for you.

    I've also had to go this experience myself and many times there are memories that we will never forget, moments where we laugh and things which he loved that make us cry.

    There will be so many emotional thoughts that keep coming to mind which need to be talked about, some you will discuss with your children and some with your friends, but you may not talk about something that will continue to make you cry and this would be better discussed with a psychologist.

    You need as much support as you possibly can get and please start with going to your GP, they will start the help you need.

    Again my deepest sympathy. Geoff.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Lauren1992
    Lauren1992 avatar
    7 posts
    28 February 2018 in reply to Meg027

    Hi Meg,

    I am so sorry to read your news about your father and my deepest condolences to you.

    I am 25 years old and on the 20/01/2018 I came home and found my Mum dead. She was on the bed also. I am so traumatised from what I had to experience that day and I am really struggling at the moment.

    I feel like I am so good at giving advice but I cannot take my own advice. Every single feeling of how you are feeling is normal and let yourself feel it. I have been looking into going to a retreat to help with anxiety and trauma. I also see a psychologist

    But although you feel very alone at the moment. There is so much help out there and I am here for you to express how you feel. I know I don’t share the same pain as you as it was your father but I can some what relate as I found my mother

    Sending you a big hug xxxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. blackcat64013
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blackcat64013 avatar
    21 posts
    1 March 2018

    Hi Meg,

    It's hard to find the right words to express my sympathy so I am sending the biggest hug your way.

    What you are going through is official termed as grief - is a natural response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone who has died. It is the emotional suffering one feels when someone the individual loves is taken away.

    While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to that loss. A depressed person can feel grief which is not a mental health condition unless it becomes complicated.

    You shouldn't be without support of some kind to manage the effects of the grief. Talking about grief with a friend or professional counselor can be of a real benefit.

    A friend can be a real good listener and help you with the practical things you need at this time.

    The counselor can help you work through the physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical aspects.

    Please remember this no "right way" to process this life event and no-one should tell you what to feel and for how long.

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