Hi Jacezz, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear of your traumatic experience, I can only begin to imagine how frightening that was and it's understandable that you're still suffering.

I'm wondering if you are receiving any help from your doctor or a psychologist. I have no personal experience of post-traumatic stress, but from what I understand, sufferers can benefit most from professional help, especially talking therapy with a psych who really knows PTSD.

Your doctor can put you on a mental health plan, under which you can have subsidised sessions with a psychologist. I strongly recommend it mate.

Please don't feel you need to hide this - PTSD is far more common than you might think, and needs treatment as early as possible. It can consume you if you don't get some help.

There are quite a lot of people on the forum who have been through traumatic events and no doubt they will have more advice and support, so please keep checking in.

Very best to you Jacezz

Kaz

Jacezz, yes you have PTSD. The good news is that you can, with the appropriate treatment, get back to normal life.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety in Feb 2013 from an incident i attended as a copper in 2003. Now i will say straight off that my demons were caused by visual not physical like you. I cannot begin to fathom what it would be like for you after what you have been through physically but mentally, I can give you some hints as to how i got my life back. I was hospitalised and off work for nearly two months. Two and a half years later, after steadily increasing my hours, I returned to full time work.

I used to suffer horrendous nightmares and flashbacks. How i countered these was undertaking a course of exposure therapy. This is a very difficult process to go through but one that i would not hesitate in going through again. You are basically deliberately triggering the bejesus out of yourself time and time again in the presence of a psych who is monitoring. The theory is that the more you confront it, the less power the images (for me) and event (for you) has. It works on around 30-40% of people, luckily for me, i was in the 30%. I flashback all the time still but as the images have no power, it doesn't cause me stress. The key to this is to have a really good relationship with your psych.

A mate of mine is undergoing EMDR but is doing it slowly as each time he has a session, he vomits the flashbacks are that powerful. I didn't do this but it is well recommended for PTSD sufferers.

You need to discuss these two with your psych.

Have you got any limitations from the physical injuries? Exercise was enormous in my recovery. I ran and ran and ran, not quite Forrest Gump style but did run heaps. It allowed me to escape. To be by myself and think things through. To set myself goals of just getting through the day. If not running, walking, hiking, swimming, sports, riding. Anything to get the body moving. Body movement is crucial to good health.

Mindfulness, if you don't know about it, research it and do it. Download an app to your phone. I use Smiling Mind every morning and it calms me down & sets me up for the day ahead. It is crucial to my continuing recovery and overall health.

What you are experiencing is pretty much "normal" for PTSD, you are not alone in your journey. If you are not seeing a psych, you need to. Brilliant that you have reached out, well done. Look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Take care

Mark.

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Jacezz said:

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Hi Kazzl please check my reply sent to MarkJT's hope you receive it kind regards Jacezz

Hi Kazzl hope your well and i do appreciate your input you no i struggle alot with trusting people i will run you through what and were it happened first off all i was in a religious mens hostle and receiving counseling for ptsd anxiety etc for something that happened to me when i was a child age 7/8 as a result my family has made ever excuse you could think of and i have been shunned away and have no contact, i wish i never brought it up the trouble it has caused, i think i had received 4 counseling sessions on that issue, when someone who obviously had his own issues nearly killed me he was out on bail before i was out off icu there is one off my trust issues because i have no family support i believe i get treated differently to others,after5/6 days i was sent on my way i walked back to hostle with no were to go i went back to hostel packed my car with all these staples and injuries and high on pain medication , it was policy because he was on bail that they evicted me so they say i have lost my faith in god ,hospitals and people in general im trying now to see a psychologist but its not that simple i was on a health care plan and had 1 treatment with a counselor through my gp but it took over 1 half hour return trip so i stopped i asked him early this week if i could continue to see him but told me now he is private so this is now why i trying to go through the government system to see a psychologist but I am still very reluctant as i do have major trust issues with them don't no what to do but i do no i have to find a place to stay shortly was thinking to sell my car and buy a campervan and just surf meditate and be alone as i feel it is draining on my friends i dont enjoy feeling like a burden to the people around me it seems controling every aspect of my thanks for hearing me out its prob better i dont keep on of loading my problems onto my few good friends after all everyone has there own issues thanks once again Karrl best wishes always Jason

Hi Jason, thanks for replying to me. How are you today mate? You've really been through some hard stuff eh?

It's difficult to open up to people if you feel you can't trust them, but I wonder if you could have another think about why you might not trust a psychologist - whether maybe you're just putting them in the same category as other people who have let you down? They're there to help, and your situation would not be new to them. They can't hurt you mate. Worth another try I reckon.

I also think you are probably not a burden on your friends - people often care more than we realise. Try not to distance yourself from them Jason because you're afraid of being a burden - hold on to them, friends can be precious at times like this. You would be there for them if the situation was reversed wouldn't you?

You've got a hard road to travel Jason, but you've had the courage to reach out for support here and with your friends, and there's more help out there if you can trust the professionals and the people who care. Things can improve for you. Take care mate, and I hope you'll keep talking to us.

Very best to you

Kaz

Hi Kazz hope your well i was wondering if you received my last post regards jason

Jason, outstanding that you have been getting up and going for a surf. That is brilliant!! Getting back to the things we used to enjoy definitely helps us get on with our lives.

Also fantastic that you are in the process of engaging with a psych again. So much positivity coming out of you here. Keep it going. One day at a time. You can do this.

Mark.

Hiya Jason, good to see you mate. Hey I'm impressed with the early morning surf. Like Mark said, doing things we enjoy can help us get back on track. What was it like and how did you feel afterwards?

I sense a determination in you Jason. You are trying hard. Even though you've had some poor experiences with professionals, you're willing to try again because you really want to get better and get your life back. With that kind of attitude I reckon you'll get there my friend.

How are you feeling today?

Cheers

Kaz

Jacezz, I apologise for taken so long to get back to you.

Can see by your last post that there is a great deal of frustration built up and can i say, it is fully justified.

You were put on this earth to live a life and although your life at the moment in your eyes, is not the greatest it could be, i so want you to keep going. You mentioned that you had got back into the ocean for a surf. Make this your anchor point. Mine was running - whenever I felt crap, which was often i would go for a run. Out by myself and loved it and still do.

Get out into the waves, listen to the ocean, feel the water, i mean really feel it - use it as mindfulness. Whilst all the other stuff is going on and you are working on your trust issues and lack of resources for you, you can use the ocean as the place where you can go and no one can disturb you. Just you, your board and the waves.

Please keep on engaging with us on here, again i apologise for not getting back sooner.

Cheers

Mark.

Hi Jacezz,

I worked in in a pub while studying at uni to become a police officer. One night, two men walked in wearing balaclavas and one man had a shot gun and the other had scissors. i was not trained to deal with the incident and did as the robbers asked. I had the shotgun pointed at me and the man with scissors came around behind the bar with the scissors held at my stomach. They demanded for money from the main gaming safe (mind you, there was no time delay sticker displayed- company non-compliance) and I had to explain that I could not get into it as it was on a time delay. This made the guys pretty angry and the screaming and swearing at me got worse. I distracted them by taking cash from the gaming till and gave them all I could. All this lasted a matter of 3 minutes and I have never been the same since. It hurt me most knowing that the manager on duty seen the robbers and what was going on and he went and hid .. coming out from where he was after the robbers left pretending he had no idea what had just happened. I have been through many counsellors, I have been unable to continue my studies in the police force (due to my severe PTSD) and I can never see myself being able to work with the public ever again. I tried to stay off medication but it got that bad for me, I've finally been prescribed and my thoughts have settled a whole lot better. The problem is now I cannot trust anybody, I distance myself from people and I am so so insecure, I simply can't connect with people anymore. Victim services paid me next to nothing for my phsycological injury and a terrible IME doctor classed me as only 13% whole person impairment which will not allow me to sue the hotel I worked at for negligence and non compliance. I had to be 15% impaired. Just 2% more. I am definitely a lot more than that.

I was was not physically harmed like you were. I am so sorry you had to deal with such violence. I can totally understand though how you feel and how hard it is to keep fighting. It seems impossible when you can't trust another. You feel trapped and alone and feel there is no purpose in this life. Can I ask you, are you on medication?

Ballsy, welcome to the forums and for telling your story. It takes great courage to type what you did and you are in a very supportive and protective environment.

That is one very nasty experience that you have gone through. Like you I was resistant to medication as I wanted to see how far i could take my recovery before going to them. I lasted nearly two years before i plateaued so made the decision to get on them and they have helped greatly.

Your 13% is not surprising to me. A friend of mine (ex police officer) was judged at 28% when we (coppers) need 30% to sue. He is well over that so you are not the lone ranger there....unfortunately.

Are you getting on going clinical treatment from a psych?

Do you practice mindfulness at all?

Keep posting mate, really want to hear how you are going.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety in 2013 so i have a special interest in PTSD.

Jacezz, how are you traveling of late?

Regards

Mark.

Jase, sorry been off line for a week. Just wondering how the surfing is going? Surfing is a genuine therapy for PTSD. I am involved with the RSL here in Victoria and one of the branches has started surfing for the returning veterans and is having some great results.

Cheers

Mark.

Hi Mark surfing be great if there was surf here in perth really frustrating at times but have to say going for a swim does for a short period give me some piece off mind medical system definitely does not im still waiting for some help i just wonder how long i can except the poor performance i am receiving in starting to think of other options and that will only be possible if the government gives me a break and i can receive DSP so as i can go for there month to another part off the world were i can afford to do it privately i must say i do have a incredibly supportive friend and i do believe at this point of were im at if it was not for him i would rather be in jail to meet with my friend who very nearly took my life and received a 3 year sentance when i feel im the one who is doing the time he will want to prey to god that when he is released im not still sleeping and reliving the stabbing every time i still cant get my head around the fact that he was given a plea bargain after he had already plead guilty and made full admission to the higher charge which included premeditation its no how the system works the judge read out my medical report which included me having 1 lt off blood drained from my left lung nevermind the blood that was squrting out between my fingers whist i waited 25 minutes for the ambulance to arrive he was out on bail before i was out of icu

Jase, first off, I hope the surf picks up for ya!!

The judicial system is flawed that is for sure. I don't know how it works in WA but i know for sure that once matters get to the higher courts (County and Supreme in Victoria as opposed to the Magistrates), Government solicitors take over the case and prosecute it. Essentially the coppers get very little say in how things are presented from there on in. I would imagine it is the same way around the country where courts will take early pleas and when someone does that, they are given a discount on their sentence because they are apparently showing remorse by acknowledging what they did. In some cases i can accept a lesser sentence but when it comes to offences against the person, as in your case, there is no discount...IMHO. It is quite often the case that certain charges will be dropped when offenders plead guilty to other charges, that is the system and then there is cumulative and concurrent sentencing. Cumulative = when someone pleads guilty or is found guilty of burglary and theft, get 6 mths imprisonment on each charge, they serve 12 mths however with concurrent, you can plead guilty to a swag of charges and get 6 months on each charge but because you can serve them concurrently, all you serve is 6 mths which IMHO is wrong. I like the US style sentencing. I remember the last time i was over there one bloke got 1100 years imprisonment!

You have every reason to be disillusioned with the judicial system as the bloke who almost killed you will be out of prison and you have to live with the incident for the rest of your life. I will not patronise you and say things to help you get over this hurdle as I have never walked in your shoes, I am just hoping that somehow, something we say in here will allow you to smile and get on with your life. I will just continue to give suggestions, things that helped me and that have helped others. If i was religious id be praying that something works.

Is it helping by engaging with us in here? Does it help to tell your story to us? Is it validating at all?

As you have pointed out above how i have got my life back, I fully realise how lucky i am to be where i am at. I owe it to the people that didn't or haven't got my luck to do whatever i can to help them out. Hoping i can do that for you.

Mark.

Hi Kazzl

Hope you are well sorry havenot been in touch lately i have had a lot going on and to be honest i have given up on getting help here in this country in making plans to go over seas to get help and find piece and start a new life i have no plans off return either i have found myself a new friend and she makes me happy and laugh i just cant keep going on like this so i suppose it is ment to be and it feels right

Take care best wishes

Regards jason

Jacezz, IMHO = in my humble opinion.

Excellent that you are getting something out of engaging with us in here. A super protective and supportive environment that is for sure.

I have been well thanks but took some time out as a mate of mine had a significant mental health event so was very tiring assisting there so something had to give to make sure that I don't go back downhill. It's a fine line!

Have you got mates that you think are not being dragged down by you? I say "think" because a lot of the time, they are not being dragged down, that is just our perception when our brains are going haywire. It would be healthy for you to continue to engage with other people than us.Not in the very slightest am i saying don't engage with us though. We are here to help any way we can.

How have the waves been?

FYI - I am off overseas next week so will be posting less but will be keeping an eye on things so when the chance arises i will get a few posts in.

Cheers mate

Mark.

Hi Jacezz, I have read your thread and up until now, I have considered posting but held back. I can relate to a lot of what you are going through; trust, injury etc. However, your travel announcement had the most impact.

I fleed a DV relationship and moved to the UK. I would like to offer a few word to you to keep in the back of you mind. I believe travel is the best way to grow emotionally. Every trip I have made has expanded my view of the world. It brings insight, understanding and compassion. With this said, I know that if things don't work out, I could always come home. I hope you are able to adopt a similar philosophy.

Secondly, as Crowded House said 'everywhere you go, always take the weather with you'. Acknowledging this may help you. In my experience the location changes, the people change and you change, but our experiences don't. That said, I am certain that with all of the changes that are in front of you, you may start to live in harmony with you experiences, learn and grow as a result of them.

Honestly, I send you all the best wishes for your travels. I am envious as I would love to be planning an expedition ATM. Safe travel and if you ever feel lost, check in here. Franka.