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Topic: BPD

  1. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    13 October 2016

    Hi all

    i have BPD. I have been to the emergency department multiple times due to suicidal thinking when 2 hours before I was happy. I can go from excited to depressed in an instant.

    i used to self harm but I've stopped that. I am fixated by the idea of suicide even though I've got no intent. I can be impulsive.

    I idealise certain people in my life, including my mental health team.

    I fear that my Dr will abandon me.

    i experienced brief psychosis when I was stressed and the object wasn't really there

  2. Zeal
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    13 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hi Little Cavvie,

    You've had a lot to deal with, and you sound determined, so good on you!

    I am relieved to hear that you have managed to stop self-harming - that's an achievement in itself. Having a dedicated mental health team is fantastic. It sounds to me as though you are taking the right steps in helping yourself with this pesky mental illness.

    Just remember that, whenever you need to talk to someone understanding (especially outside of appointment hours), you can ring 24/7 helplines for support. Beyondblue is reachable on 1300 22 4636, SANE is on 1800 18 7263, and Lifeline's no. is 13 11 14. Saving at least one of these numbers in your phone is a good idea.

    Something which I think can be helpful is keeping a notebook where you write down symptoms, advice from doctors and other important mental health/medical details. This way, you don't need to worry about forgetting something before attending an appointment, or after you receive advice during a session, for instance.

    If you don't mind me asking, do you live with someone else? I feel that when mental illness is involved, living alone can be difficult, and having a roommate or family member or partner to come home to could be a comfort.

    Hopefully people personally experiencing BPD will also reply :)

    Best wishes,

    Zeal

    2 people found this helpful
  3. james1
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    14 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Little Cavvie,

    I've got lots of the BPD symptoms and I was working on DBT and Schema Therapy with my psychologist earlier.

    Zeal's had some great tips and I'd also love to hear, if you're comfortable, about whether you're living with anyone at the moment. I've found that a lot of people with BPD tend to have troubles at home in terms of family relationships, which are often the cause of the BPD flaring up in the first place. Yet equally, it's so hard to be alone too.

    I know what you mean about the mood swings. My biggest thing is my identity which flips and is so transient, I never know what's happening.

    I'd love to hear more about your story and maybe how you first found out about BPD. There are two threads I can think of that I'm talking at the moment. One is in the Depression board called "BPD - childlike" and the other is in the Long Term Support board called "Living with Borderline Personality Disorder..." I welcome you to come and have a read, and even post if you feel comfortable.

    James

    2 people found this helpful
  4. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    14 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    Thanks for your message.

    It's definitely a good idea to have those numbers handy for night especially. I sometimes find it hard to settle to sleep.

    I do keep a journal which helps my psychologist keep track of how I'm going in between appointments. I do it in a table, with various columns to keep track of symptoms, thoughts and feelings. It's been really useful.

    I live with family members. It is good having the support.

    TC

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  5. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    14 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    Thanks for your message. I'll take a look at those threads.

    I've done DBT and currently doing Schema Therapy. I found DBT not as useful as I hoped, although the mindfulness component was really good.

    I agree BPD makes relationships hard at times. But for me the shifts in mood is the hardest part. I find a week in my life can be so exhausting because I've had so many different emotions.

    LC

    1 person found this helpful
  6. james1
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    14 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hey LC,

    Yeah, I don't really like DBT very much. Schema Therapy has made more sense to me because of the childhood component but I really found it burnt me a bit. Just noticing all these things I do which I thought were normal, but aren't really...yeah that was a real body blow!

    What kind of stuff are you doing with Schema Therapy? I had to keep a logbook of my modes and we were doing image rescripting as well.

    James

  7. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    14 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    I totally agree about Schema making more sense than DBT. I found DBT a bit of a bandaid solution, but Schema gets right into the heart of the issues.

    I've done mode awareness work which is really helpful and also do imagery work which is pretty helpful. I've also got childhood stuff that I need to work through.

    I just know it's going to take a while to work through things, but I'm already so much better than I was prior to seeing my psychologist. I've reduced my admissions to hospital significantly and haven't been to emergency in ages.

    LC

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  8. james1
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    14 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hey LC,

    I think DBT is meant to feel like a bandaid. My psych got me to do DBT because my situation got worse and I wasn't coping with the Schema Therapy, but having done a bit of Schema was really helpful for the understanding.

    Yeah, I find the childhood stuff really taxing. I'm really glad you're a lot better than before. Have you been able to open up to any friends or family around you? I find it really hard to explain to people because it just feels like more extreme versions of what everyone does in smaller less frequent and less explosive amounts.

    James

  9. GuestYD
    GuestYD avatar
    120 posts
    14 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    I found DBT really difficult - it was in a group setting. I had to drop out near the end because I really couldn't cope with it and I didn't really see that it was helping me. In fact my group was so toxic that my situation was made worse and I became really distressed.

    Schema is definitely more full on but im buying into it more and feel like it's work I need to do so I'm engaging with it. I really like my psychologist too.

    BPD is so hard to explain to people. I think people just don't understand the impact having unstable emotions has on quality of life.

    LC

  10. GuestYD
    GuestYD avatar
    120 posts
    15 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD
    Ah. Nighttime. I'm really vulnerable and get hooked into sucidal thinking. It's just present. I'm safe. But it comes at night without fail.
  11. james1
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    15 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hey LC I know exactly what you mean. I actually had a good day yesterday then night came and, well, my good day ended. For me I think it's reflection time, lonely time and the thought of having to get up again tomorrow and do everything. Do you know what you struggle with particularly at night?

    What do you mean about your group being toxic? Not very nice people?

    James

  12. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    16 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    I agree with what you say about night. I find that I'm a bit vulnerable while my night meds work. I don't actually remember posting last night, so I can't be entirely sure about what I'm thinking.

    Re DBT the group basically competed to be the sickest and discuss things against the group guidelines during our breaks. So it was very triggering and I'd end up feeling awful afterwards.

    LC

  13. james1
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    16 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Oh you have to take your meds at night? That's strange and really annoying. What are they if you don't mind me asking?

    Eurgh that's the worst. Can't we all just accept that we're each struggling and there's no competition? Did everyone there have BPD or was it a whole range of things?

    James

  14. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    17 October 2016 in reply to james1

    I take an antipsychotic at night (it's a bit sedative and it calms my thoughts) and a sleeping tablet. I have an antidepressant in the morning too. Although my Dr is taking me off the antipsychotics but I'm feeling push backs in terms of my thinking at night on lower doses so will have to discuss whether it's really worth getting rid of them.

    It was really ridiculous. I was really happy to get out of the environment. Everyone had to have either BPD or BPD traits, but most have BPD.

    Have you done any group therapy?

    LC

  15. james1
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    18 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Ah that's annoying having multiple tablets to take at different times. Yeah, I think you're the best judge of how they make you feel though the Dr is probably good at getting you to push those boundaries a bit so you can see whether you want them for comfort or if they're actually good.

    I've never done group therapy. I really don't want to. I can't stand judgement and I just don't trust people to not judge me. I'd like a support group though. That sounds a lot nicer. I joined meetup and signed up to a billion different groups, but only ended up going to a writer's group in the end, haha.

    Do you do anything creative to help you cope? I started writing again and it helped while I was still motivated :P I've lost that motivation now and I'm doing exercise instead and playing clarinet, but I expect I'll drop these again pretty soon and do something else, haha.

    James

  16. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    18 October 2016 in reply to james1

    The tablets at different times isn't too bad. I know to take my morning one's when I get up and as I hop into bed I grab my other tablets. It just is what it is really and I see that they help so I am happy to take them. I was lucky that I have only tried 1 different antidepressent and 1 other antipsychotic as a temporary measure (but I ended up having such low blood pressure I had to be taken off it after one night) but I have been on pretty much every sleeping tablet there is. Your body gets used to sleeping tablets, so you have to change every so often.

    I've done one other group as an outpatient and I found that so slow. I think an intense 1 v 1 session is so much better, but some people find benefits in being in a group for support and knowing you aren't alone. It also gives you some structure if that's what you need.

    In terms of creative stuff, in a fluke I also play clarinet. I picked it up again after not playing for some years. I ended up buying a wooden clarinet and it sounds so nice. I find it a bit harder to play. I ended up ordering SO much music from Amazon a few months ago and it's great having the variety of material. I was looking into starting clarinet lessons again, but I'm not sure where to look for a teacher.

    I study so I have to do analytical writing for my degree and I am not creative at all.

    I need to do more exercise. I get a sore back and so pilates really helps if I do it consistently, but it's hard to get back into it when you've been out of it a while. I do walk my dog everyday and she loves walking. She's my best friend. Do you have any pets?

    Do you ever get dissociative? I do sometimes. One time I felt so disorientated and I felt a bit unstuck with time. So I lost track of what time it was and when I looked at my phone I couldn't comprehend how it was that time. I also sometimes zone out and feel like I am looking at the room from afar! It's a BPD thing too.

    LC

  17. james1
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    18 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hey LC,

    Do you suffer from insomnia then?

    Yeah i don't know what i want. To be honest, right now i just want to be left alone to do my own thing for a while. i've learnt a lot about myself from the sessions dealing with schema therapy, and i just need to let that sink in properly. i feel like i've got some semblance of control right now which is what i need.

    oh that's awesome. when'd you pick it up again? yeah I've got a wooden clarinet too. I went from plastic to wooden when i was doing grade...6? maybe? they sound so much nicer :) but they're heavier too. can you look on gumtree for a teacher? i live in sydney so it's easy for me. but i'm just trying to do it on my own for now and i'm just playing really basic things and doing scales.

    Oh cool. What's your degree? I did economics and lots of arts (but ended up getting a job instead of finishing the arts side). Then i got really interested in the statistical side of economics so i tried to do my honours but i was doing that alongside full time work, so I had to stop after the semester from lack of sleep.

    I love pets :) I have a dog (maltese x silky) and he's silly. I also have a cockatiel. Both of them are 5 or 6 years old. Then when I move out I want to get 2 rats and a rabbit. The dog is living with my dad but the bird will come with me. Would you do yoga?

    Haha my sense of time is either "crap what've I been doing the past few hours?" to "oh man, it's still only 5 minutes later?" I don't know whether my living is conscious or not. A lot of the time, I don't really count myself as living per se :P just...existing. I know someone else who's suffering from BPD and she hallucinates so I'm glad I dont' do that at least.

    You mentioned before you struggle with interpersonal. What're your thoughts on them now? I feel like I can't really test myself and get better without actually trying to connect with people and face the seemingly inevitable disappointment.

    James

  18. GuestYD
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    120 posts
    19 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    I probably do have insomnia, but I think about it as just a manifestation of my anxiety/depression rather than a separate thing. I presented very agitated and anxious during my first hospital admission and I needed something to settle me down.

    I bought the clarinet at the start of the year and began to play again. I hated scales at school, but I'm finding I always practice them now. I've got a really broad range of things to play, so it keeps me engaged and I have fun. I was grade 5 AMEB when I stopped playing at school.

    I study arts and law. I prefer law over my arts subjects. I find my study a really good outlet. I find I can still focus despite my depression, which is really lucky!

    I've hullcinated before. I was really stressed and it was really scary. I was convinced that what I was seeing was real and I got distressed that nobody could see it.

    I have a dog too. She's a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel and my best friend. She was trying to get me to play ball with her by dropping it at my feet. It's so cute. Not the most subtle girl. She's so friendly and loves meeting new people.

    I've tried yoga, but I prefer Pilates so prioritise those classes.

    Interpersonal stuff I find really confusing. I find relationships so confusing. If I like someone as a friend I can become really full on and overcommit to the relationship. I worry that the person will abandon me. I really am not good with dating either and end up feeling hurt. My best friend is wonderful though.

    LC

  19. Zeal
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    19 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hi LC,

    I hope you don't mind me replying to the post you addressed to James! I just came across the post, and thought it would be nice to reply to you again, as I haven't for awhile.

    Insomnia does often result from stress caused by mental illness. I've had insomnia since my late teens, but now I only have mild insomnia at times (unless I'm particularly stressed).

    It's great that you play the clarinet. I used to play the piano when I was younger, but I never really got into it.
    My sister studies law too, and she prefers it to her other area of study. I am just over 3 weeks away from being done with my psychological science degree, which I'm excited about. Next year I'm hoping to study postgrad counselling at my uni. The fact that you can focus and find study a rewarding outlet is amazing! I have OCD/anxiety, and have always battled with poor concentration. Do you have any smart strategies?

    If you ever get hallucinations again, definitely see a professional. It sounds as though you are well attuned to your mental health needs, which is great :)

    Good on you for prioritising pilates! I've also tried both yoga and pilates. I used to do pilates a fair bit at one stage, for my back, posture and general strength. I don't exercise much at all now, except for short walks and climbing stairs at uni. I haven't played a regular sport since I was 17, so for 6 years now. I find it hard to get motivated for physical activity. I stay slim even when I don't exercise, due to genetics and my dislike of fast food/most junk food. The reason I exercise (when I actually do it) is to improve my mental health and overall wellbeing.

    Relationships can be hard. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 21. I am now 23 and in a strong and happy relationship of 1.5 years, which I am so grateful for. My boyfriend accepts my OCD and the traits that come along with this. I'm so glad you have a great relationship with your best friend. There are thankfully people who accept those with mental illness, especially when they have prominent positive characteristics such as loyalty, honesty and kindness. Keep being you!

    I hope your week is going well :)

    Best wishes,

    Zeal

  20. GuestYD
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    19 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    Nice to hear from you :)

    I'm glad that you have a supportive boyfriend. I have real trouble connecting with people on a romantic level probably because of my past and also the BPD. I am also terrible at reading the signs so have almost no idea that someone is interested in me. I think that's a bit of self confidence issues as well. I've also been in hospital a lot over the last few years so haven't really had any opportunity to find someone and I'm a bit isolated as a result.

    I'm pretty skinny too but I ended up really underweight when I got sick not because of an eating disorder but just because I was too stressed to eat. That contributed to me being emotionally vulnerable and didn't help things. I managed to put on a healthy amount of weight once I started to get better.

    I've always been into academics so I just find that I can focus and it calms my thinking. It is a bit like my outlet. Sorry I don't have any specific hints.

    I see my dr every week and can call her in between so she'll definitely hear from me if it happens again.

    Agree about exercise being good for mental health. I used to do a lot of running so it would be good to do some of that.

    How is your week going?

    LC

  21. GuestYD
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    19 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    Nice to hear from you :)

    I'm really glad you are in a supportive relationship. I find it really hard to connect with people on a romantic level. It's a bit related to my past trauma and also BPD. I'm so bad at working out that someone is interested in me. I just can't read the signs. I also have been in hospital so much in the past few years (all the admissions would add up to be quite a number of months). So I'm a bit isolated which also doesn't help. I've tried tinder but had a few bad experiences, I seem to attract the creepy ones!

    I'm also naturally skinny. I don't need to exercise to stay small but like you I do it for the mental health benefits. I used to do a lot of running so maybe I should try to get back into that. Do some fun runs and just get active.

    I love academics so I just find it is my outlet where I can escape from my thoughts. I don't really have any super hints except that I studied even during my worst period of depression and it made me feel a little bit better. So just keep at it!

    How has your week been?

    LC

  22. GuestYD
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    19 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    Thanks for your message. I tried posting before, but it hasn't come up, so I am going to try again!

    I am really happy to hear that you are in a supportive relationship. I find it really difficult to connect with people on a romantic level. I think it has something to do with my past and also my BPD. I find that I can't tell whether someone is interested in me and I find the whole process so confusing. I also have spent a lot of time over the last few years in hospital (I don't want to even think about how many weeks I have been in, it would be many months in total). It means I am now a bit isolated in the real world, so it's hard to even find someone to connect with. I tried tinder but I had a couple of creepy guys and I found the whole experience frightening. I think I need to get a bit better still before I am ready for a relationship.

    I am also pretty skinny and find I don't need to exercise to stay small. Yay! Metabolism. When I was really unwell, I lost heaps of weight not because of an eating disorder but from not eating due to stress. I want to start running again and maybe do a fun run. I used to be a really keen runner.

    I have a good relationship with my Dr so I will definitely contact her if I find myself hallucinating.

    I love studying. Even when I was at my most depressed, I found I could focus. I actually spent time in hospital learning a language. It was a great distraction and made me feel productive which is something I need to help me. I really enjoy studying, so it is my outlet. I think I have always just seen studying and reading as an escape and it didn't change when I got sick. So sorry I don't have any awesome hints.

    I am really proud of you for almost finishing your degree and thinking about postgraduate studies. That is pretty awesome. Well done :)

    Anyway hope this works now.

    LC

  23. james1
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    19 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hey LC, I'm going to be replying to your post to me and also to Zeal, so sorry if I jump around a bit!

    I'm just trying to play scales. I also hated scales back then but for some reason I always liked arpeggios. I guess it was just a matter of liking the progression of scales, but they were too long, so arpeggios struck that nice medium :) Cool, I think the local community orchestra at my place takes AMEB 6 and above, so it sounds like once you get back into it, a community orchestra could be the way to go :) And I think community bands would have lower requirements since they have more clarinets.

    Oh I'm very impressed that you're doing arts and law and you're able to focus. What do you want to do later? I was doing economics and arts but dropped the arts when I got a job. I really liked philosophy and politics though. What language were you studying and are you keeping it up? Do you think you'd ever want to go into academia? It sounds like you really love learning which is amazing (so do I!).

    Ah...I'm sorry to hear about the hallucination. I dont' know much about it. I take it it doesn't happen anymore?

    Haha she sounds lovely and very cute. How old is she? My dog is such a sulker if we dont play with him. He stops dropping the toys in front of us and drops himself instead then licks the floor.

    Fun runs sound like a really good idea. I've always been a fan of running because it helps me clear my head. It's mindless enough that I dont' think, but mindful enough that I'm not entirely disengaged. I've run a half marathon every year the past 3 years, but I prefer the 5-10km distance.

    Yeah, I do the same as you. For me, I lump people either into my worst enemies or my best friends. Even strangers get dumped into one or the other after minutes of talking which is okay for a friendship, usually, but makes the whole dating thing almost impossible. And most of my friends just get me now, so thats okay. Everyone else ditched, haha. I tried tinder for a bit but it was really annoying. No one seemed to want to connect emotionally, but it was probably also just taht I wanted to connect too soon! I've heard about the creepiness from a female's perspective, so I'm just glad I'm male, haha. Have you tried going to any meet up groups to make new friends? I've started going to a writing meet up group and it's nice.

    James

  24. Zeal
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    19 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hi LC,

    Technology is fickle - now three replies have been sent!

    Thank you for your support and good wishes. I wasn't able to connect well with people until I had recovered from a bout of mental illness that started in 2012. The illness affected me both physically and mentally, so I lost contact with friends, and dating/romantic relationships certainly weren't on my radar. You've had a lot to contend with, so it is perfectly understandable that dating and relationships have been a bit out of reach. Woah, staying off Tinder after that experience is probably a good idea. I have never tried it - I am pretty basic when it comes to technology. I have Facebook and use this forum regularly, but I don't have or use Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Twitter, and I don't play video games either, or even online shop. I also haven't upgraded my 7 year-old Nokia to a smartphone yet!

    Thanks for the support! I am really excited about finishing my undergraduate studies next month! Do you have much study left? I am amazed that you are able to study no matter how you are doing psychologically - that is rare. Learning a language while in hospital - now that's smart!

    Yay for fast metabolisms! I am glad that you returned to a healthy weight after your illness. I too lost a lot of weight when I was really unwell, as I had an atypical eating disorder. Getting an eating disorder was something I did not expect, and my clinical presentation didn't neatly fit into a category.
    As you said, exercise is crucial for maintaining good mental health. I used to love running, up until the age of 16. I enjoyed long-distance running (cross country) the most, and I did school rowing from the age of 13 to 16. The only days we didn't have rowing training or racing were Friday and Sunday!

    My week has been going fairly well, thanks! I have my last psychology assignment due tomorrow, then a major assignment for anthropology, three exams, and then I'm done! I have been working on my assignment a fair bit this morning, after having procrastinated for days! The fact that I've made it through a degree with my incredibly sub-par concentration levels surprises me sometimes! haha

    I hope your week is going well :)

    Best wishes,

    Zeal

  25. GuestYD
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    20 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    A local orchestra would be great. A good way to meet people and a regular thing too. I'll definitely look into it.

    I am definitely aiming to be an academic. I like learning about the theories underpinning law and researching and writing assignments. The practical side of law in law firm is a lot of client type strategy meetings, very commercial things such as preparing a company for launching on the stock market (initial public offering) or negotiating contractual terms for the sale of a business and as a junior you do a lot of due diligence (which is basically going through documents). I have volunteered at a community legal service and I liked going to court, but I found after a while I was bored with the work. It ended up being all the same in my opinion and while seeing clients was really rewarding, I wouldn't want to do it as a career. Haha that was a very detailed answer!

    I was learning Italian in hospital. I had lots of vocab everywhere in my room and I would sit and do exercises. I should continue learning, but I haven't really thought about it. It was a good distraction in hospital, but I think I was using it as a bit of an escape and not dealing with my emotional issues. I haven't done any language learning for a while. I think clarinet has replaced it for now.

    I have only ever had one hallucination, but that was more than enough!

    My little girl is almost 2. Her favourite thing in the world is food, followed by ball, tummy tickles and walks. She hates the beach (she literally refused to walk on the sand) and water, although she tolerates a bath. I find her so grounding - her little heart beating and feeling her breath. She is such a good mindfulness tool.

    Ah yeah totally agree with what you say about people and connections. I either love or hate someone, no in between feelings. Yeah Tinder isn't a great option for me at the moment. I should do a meet up group. You obviously like writing which is awesome. I do some activities at uni, but I haven't been able to find anyone there!

    LC

  26. GuestYD
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    20 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    Yes, I did a bit of spam yesterday. I am actually really surprised that the first post came up as my phone indicated that the message had not been uploaded as it lost internet connection. My response to James was instantaneous just then.

    Yeah I have had a lot to contend with, so it's really not that surprising that I haven't been able to focus on that aspect of my life. I am amazed that you don't have a smart phone! Once you get one, you'll never look back. But that said, it's amazing how long Nokia's last. My phone I've had to replace every few years. I have Facebook and Twitter. I follow lots of news stuff on my phone which is great.

    If all goes to plan, I should finish my degrees next year. But then I'll look to do more study. I think study and me are a good mix. And yeah it's been strange, I have literally done assignments in hospital and attended exams from hospital. It's a bit of a weird situation, but I have been lucky that I can keep going with that aspect of my life.

    I was a cross-country runner too. I also loved hiking. I'm too small for rowing, although I kept on getting asked to be a cox when I was at school. I wasn't attracted to the early mornings!

    Well done for almost finishing your subjects! That's really awesome. I think it's great you have been able to study even with lower levels of concentration, it shows really perseverance. I have an assignment due next week and I have a lot to do for it. I'm sure I'll get it done, but it's progressing a bit slowly than it needs to at the moment.

    Anyway I better get back to my assignment

    LC

  27. Zeal
    Champion Alumni
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    Zeal avatar
    1737 posts
    20 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hi LC,

    I didn't know you had a young daughter! That's great - she sounds adorable :)

    Your smartphone comment made me smile, as others have made comments like "Once you get one, you'll never look back" haha.

    I am actually astounded that you have managed to do assignments and sit exams in hospital! Academia clearly suits you well, in virtually any situation! It's cool you also liked cross country. I never tried being a coxswain actually...maybe if I was shorter. I am 3cm shy of 6 foot, so that's fairly tall for a female.

    Thank you for the encouragement! The concentration issues are a pain, but I only have just over 3 weeks left now :)

    Good luck with your assignment! I have one due tomorrow I have been adding to slowly, bit by bit!

    Best wishes,

    Zeal

  28. GuestYD
    GuestYD avatar
    120 posts
    20 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    My fur-daughter :P I view my dog as my child. Sorry for not being clear!

    Haha thanks. I'm so lucky to be able to study. I'm also glad my psychiatrist understands that I need to keep doing study to make me feel ok. There is a chance I might deteriorate when uni holidays start because I'm not occupied. So I will have to do something to keep me busy! I have never been good at taking a break. I am terrible at relaxing.

    Wow. You are tall. I'm 162 cm, so pretty small.

    I am also slowly chipping away at my assignment. I have barely added to the word count today, but I have made the paragraphs better. Hopefully I have a good burst after dinner.

    Hope you have a productive night and it doesn't drag on to late. I have had the experience of doing an all nighter before and I'd never do it again by choice.

    LC

  29. Zeal
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Zeal avatar
    1737 posts
    20 October 2016 in reply to GuestYD

    Hey LC,

    That's funny that I misinterpreted your "little girl" comment! The word adorable can still apply though :)

    I know a few people who struggle to stop doing productive things and just relax. I suppose it's both a gift and a curse (as Adrian from the TV series Monk would say). In modern society, I feel that it can be more of a gift :)
    Sometimes I will be 'relaxing', but feel stressed at the same time! That is my specialty :P

    Paragraph fixing can sometimes be the most time-consuming, as can editing. I'm hoping to have motivation after dinner too. My prac report is due by 4pm tomorrow, and I have a fair way to go yet! I definitely won't pull an all-nighter, as my brain does not function well at all in that situation. I am used to a general lack of sleep though, but not all the time :P

    Hope your night goes well both work-wise and mood-wise :)

    Best wishes,

    Zeal

  30. GuestYD
    GuestYD avatar
    120 posts
    20 October 2016 in reply to Zeal

    Hi Zeal

    I just put my doggie to bed. She's so sweet. You put her in her bed and then tuck her in with her pink little blanket. She's actually like a baby.

    I reckon the not relaxing thing impacts me a bit. I worked full time for a bit during the summer holidays and could not switch off at all. I'd constantly think about work, my performance at work and I think my health plummeted as a result. It wasn't even a "real world job". Just a temp thing, but I just couldn't cope at all. It's funny I'm BPD, depressed, anxious, probably PTSD although not officially... so many things!

    I think I understand your relaxed/stressed thing on breaks. Last holiday the only time I relaxed was when I had a cold and was sick in bed. A cloudy head is enough to calm me down!

    Agree re your comment about editing and reviewing - it all takes time. I have an idea what I need to do tomorrow, so just keep at it.

    Prac report sounds interesting. I have a bit of an interest in psychology due to all my stuff and I occasionally read books aimed at practitioners or academics and there is so much practical stuff out there. I find it interesting when I meet psychologists to find out what they did their thesis on as they seem to do studies on such a broad range of things.

    Night

    LC

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