I certainly understand you so very well when you say that you don't want to accept your depression and that living with it is very hard. It is hard, it is more than that sometimes, it is totally unbearable. I certainly do understand you!
For me, I have found that wishing I was happy when I am feeling blue and miserable makes me feel worse! I so desire the better place, that I dig myself deeper into depression. It is when I try so hard to not accept it that I become powerless! It has taken me a long time to come to this realisation mind you!
Yesterday afternoon I felt extremely depressed for no reason other than depression came to visit for a while. I read a book. I didn't achieve anything, I had wanted to clean the floor, it didn't happen, but I did manage to read that book! I counted that as an achievement as I did not go to bed and cry and feel totally helpless.
I agree that we all need to find what works for us. Just wondering, when you are having a down time with depression, do you explain that to the people around you? I let my husband know if I am really struggling, makes him realise it is not about him but about my mental health.
Having that thought about wondering how you are going to move on is very powerful! It means you don't want to stay in that dark place!
It is wonderful we can share our experiences here, as we do not know who we may be helping or inspiring to try something different, to make choices, to search for the helpful strategies to assist us all to move on.
Recognising we have depression, realising it is an illness and not something we bring upon ourselves is very important as well. It is there. We can find various ways to deal with it.
Wishing you a day where you can sit comfortably with your depression if it come along today Pammy and hoping you find ways to get through the day with hope and anticipation!
Cheers to you and All reading from Dools