Dear precious Chloe,

HI. I had the computer turned off and only found your message this morning. I hope you managed okay last night. I don't have a smart phone so if I am not connected to the computer I have no idea what is going on anywhere in the world it seems.

I remember as a teenager, we had to leave the house, walk down the street and use the phone box. Our town was still very behind the times. We actually still needed someone in the post office to connect us tot he person we wanted to talk to. As we looked through the Post Office window, we could see the lady pulling the cables out and hooking them in to the panel to be connected.

When we had finished our calls, we always said goodbye tot he telephonist! We did have a phone at home and our phone number was 2 digits long! Now I am expected to remember a mobile phone number! I don't think so. Ha. Ha.

None of this is probably helping you Chloe! It does give you an idea of roughly how old I am...102! Ha. Ha.

I'm trying to keep busy and positive before I set off for my trip to visit my parents.

Wishing you a better day today Chloe, and hope you can catch up with your friend.

Cheers from Dools

The stories that lady must have heard after all those years being our telephonist! Ha. Ha. It was amazing when the new public phones came in and you could just dial the number you wanted!

Hi Karen,

Yes I will work on making some new happy memories while with family and in my old home town.

Last week I would have been right to pack bathers and a beach towel, this week I will be needing a rain coat and long trousers! Ha. Ha. I have decided to pack for all weather conditions! Ha. Ha.

Yesterday I was reading sections in a self help book. Some of it I am going to try to put into practice. The book mentioned:

Acquiring Acceptance of thoughts, emotions and feelings so they do not seem so unacceptable. To learn how to stop punishing and pummelling myself when I feel like I should be able to control the unhelpful and the negative.

To be more aware of the OBSERVANT MIND, which they explained means to basically stick tot he facts and don't allow your mind to make up a story about what is happening around you.

To be aware of our CRITICAL MIND that judges and finds the lousy in everything it can.

To learn to reduce the stranglehold feelings have on me and allow myself to just accept what is happening rather than making it worse by trying to control my feelings.

Sometimes I find these theories very interesting, yet difficult to put into place!

Cheers all from Dools, catch up with you all again next week!

Hi Dools,

im a bit better today, although last night was pretty tough, you can read about it in my thread "advice for seeking professional help- TW sexual abuse self harm and suicidal thoughts" (or something like that)

no I didn't see my best friend today, however ran into his sister at the shops. Hung with her for a bit she's only a year younger and loves me lol.

thanks for your help, the story about the telephones was interesting lol. It might be worth reading my thread, is kinda distressing but you'll get a better idea of what I'm dealing with and my background.

hope you have a peaceful night,

Chloe :)

Hmmmm. Good question! I believe depression is part of me. Like the 2 voices in my head. Ive named my depression and I hear and notice when hes talking. Lately, most days hes the loudest. I feel he's darkening the light more and more lately. It took a long time to 'accept' him, but now I've accepted him, It stopped the fight and started the balancing dance.
Experiencing depression has given me the passion to want to help others. I love to learn about it, talk about it, and notice it. When I look at my future, depression is there. The bright side of me just hopes its there in a controlled manner and doesn't disable me. Depression gives me an understanding for others.

I agree that fighting it can help it grow, but so can embracing it really. Accepting it has made it grow for me, but sweeping it under the rug doesn't work for many others either. Solution- I've got nothing! haha

Hi Jessbph,

wow you've just given me a whole new perspective on depression. Thank you!

i think my depression is a part of me. But that doesn't mean it defines me.

I wouldn't say I have 2 voices in my head... More like 1 that, when triggered, goes super sad and depressed. I've accepted my depression too, along with my anxiety, so it doesnt freak me out and when I am depressed, I know that it's kinda normal (for me).

I am the same as you. I am passionate about helping people so I am on here 2-3 times a day, checking the new threads and my threads for new posts.

So... Fight or embrace?

i feel like I wouldn't have the strength to fight my depression after being triggered. But if I felt it coming on, maybe listen to some happy music or exercise or eat or do something that makes you happy. It's worked before.

embracing I think could go 2 ways:

1. It helps you recognise the depression which makes it easier for you to fight it
2. adds fuel to the fire by nurturing it with self pity, and thoughts like 'oh this is normal don't worry this is me'

so yeah just like you, my solution = nothing!

but I think a mixture of fighting and embracing would be the best option 😄

chloe x

Hi all,

The answers here are very beneficial to many readers I'm sure.

To fight depression or embrace it? There is a sweet spot, to accept it. Certainly not fight it. Certainly not embrace it too much.

Stephen Fry once said "if I came back from reincarnation how would life be? well, I would want my bipolar to be there as it is such a part of me"

So true, sort of. I can recall as a young man although my mania was max between 19-40yo I can recall quiet moments of no mania, no sadness etc. Seemed my childhood trauma went missing for a time. It was bliss, how calm and a mirage it was stable forever.

What I do try to do daily is to get on with life ignoring my depression. This allows most of my life to be led normally. But, I have had to erect that "fortress of survival" that I developed.

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

I am the gatekeeper, the comforter, the survivor of my fate inside that fort. Only I can operate that gate. My loving wife is inside my fort. We sooth each others wounds. My sister, my nieces etc are there to. But when someone comes knocking, I mentally have a procedure they must endure and pass before I open that gate. My challenge is always to make it harder for that process to work. I'm constantly turfing others into the moat!

Tony WK

Hello Dools

Just wondering how you're travelling after your time away, i.e. whether you are fighting or embracing depression at the moment.

You know, this is a really good thread. My last session with my psych touched on - using energy/activity to break the cycle. We talked about how active I've been that's led to the reduction in my depression. So in my muddled mind I'm trying to connect up everything you've and others have added to this thread, plus this new piece of information. So what have I come up with -

Ok, so depression is here. Fighting or embracing it are ways to manage it, however, if I ignore or accept it and 'BE ACTIVE'. Then the more active I'll be and the less depressed I'll be.

How's that sounding??

PamelaR

Hi PamelaR and All,

Yes, I am back again. While away I tried to use various strategies to help me cope. After only 2 days I was wanting to pack my bags and come home again. I had a discussion with myself and decided that if I allowed that to happen, I would not have really achieved much and I would have allowed my thoughts to take over reality.

The reality being that I was allowing my thoughts and emotions to dictate how I perceived what was happening around me. I had options. Look at happenings in an unhelpful manner or just accept it all as it was, just happenings.

I agree that BEING ACTIVE helps immensely with depression, I also realise that there are times when the depression is just so over powering I have to let it be. If I can not be active at that time that is okay, I will try later.

I have realised there are different periods in my day when my depression is worse and if I don't do anything about it, it escalates. That is certainly when the BEING ACTIVE is beneficial.

Thanks for sharing this insight with us all PamelaR. That is why this forum is so wonderful, we all have the opportunity to learn and to share if we so desire to do so.

Another thing for me is realising I CAN CHANGE how I think and react to my depression! I just need to connect to ideas that work for me and be open to trying them.

Cheers all from Dools

hey Dools,

Good to see you again :) I'm glad that you stuck it out even though you wanted to go home.

don't have long so will stop by later.

chloe

Hi Chloe,

Great of you to drop in!

Sometimes we just need to stick it out a bit longer, realise it is our depressed mines telling us unhelpful stories and try a different tactic to see what helps.

Hope you are doing okay!

Cheers from Dools

Hello Dools,

Welcome back, It sounds like you had quite a fight with your depression at times, but you came out in front. Well done..I'm also proud of you for sticking it out and using some coping tool to distract your depression by being active..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy....Karen

Hi Karen,

Hope you are doing okay! One thing I practiced while away was not taking on other people's issues and letting things slide more instead of taking it all to heart.

Having thought about possible coping strategies before I left helped me deal with issues that did surface.

I can't change my family history, I can change how I choose to remember it and how I decide to react to what happens now.

Focusing on the negative seems so "easy", trying to focus on the helpful and positive can be a little harder.

I have a choice, think about the not so pleasant stuff that happened, or highlight the positives!

Cheers to you from Dools

Dools I like the idea you used- not taking on anyone's problems while you were away. That would have helped you focus on your own, and getting through the visit.

you're right, you can't change the past (which is why I have to stop dwelling on it), but the future is unwritten. Anything could happen. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

so welcome back! Have a peaceful night x

chloe 🤗

Hi Chloe and All,

Thanks Chloe. I was exhausted yesterday afternoon for some reason and my back was aching from the three different beds I slept in while away, and possibly from trekking up and down hills. A little pain now is worth it, as I know with a few exercises, heat packs and stretching, being back in my own bed, it will all settle down again soon.

Yesterday afternoon I had the bedroom window open, the cat on the bed and read for a while then did a lot of snoozing. Today I will achieve a few jobs that need doing and hope to spend some time in the garden.

I have another self help book which was sent to me by a mental health centre so will start to read that this afternoon and see what ideas I can put into practice.

Cheers to you and all, from Dools

Hello Dools,

I hope you achieve all you set out to do today.

I can relate to different beds causing your back to ache, there really isn't anything like our own bed with all the crevices and bumps we put in them.

Its a beautiful day where I am today, I'm really hoping it is there for you as well and you enjoy your gardening..

I have just started preparing my compost heap for veggies next year. A few years ago I tried to grow carrots, Hahaha the shapes they turned out to be, were so funny, I wonder how you get them to grow straight instead of all twisted up like weird shaped little monsters..

Enjoy your day Dools, and be gentle on your back..

Does kitty help you in the garden?

Grandy..

Hi Grandy and All,

My plans changed a little yesterday. I did manage to clean up the patio area, vacuumed the house and did the ironing. I had a lovely walk as well. After all of that my back needed a rest.

I went out into the garden to read a book on mental health, had only sat for a minute and the neighbour revved up his chainsaw. Back inside I went.

Regarding those carrots, I had the same problem once as the soil was just far too hard and compact. The carrots didn't have the strength to grow properly. My parents have sandy soil, their carrots grow huge!

I would love to have the cat in the garden with us. My husband is very protective of her and likes her to be an indoor cat. That is best for the wild life as well. She does get to sit in the patio area which we have enclosed.

I sometimes let her out for a walk in the garden and just watch her. The darn fat thing can run fast when she wants to though! Ha. Ha. If anything spooks her, she runs to the door and wants to get back inside.

Today I have a Drs appointment for my back, the Op Shop, a visit to the Employment lady and then some study in the evening once my husband has gone to work. The day will be full!

Hope you all have a good day and that you find ways to deal with your mental health issues effectively!

Cheers all from Dools

Hello Dools,

oh Dool when I was reading about your adorable cat, I got a picture of Garfield in my mind..lol I'm sorry, but you made me lol..

My little dogs are small for Maltese as they have Yorkshire terrier in them..When anyone walks past my front yard, which is rare they will bark so much..lol but if anyone attempts to enter my front gate they scoot of as quickly as they can under the house with there heads sticking out, just giving them the eye...

Im pleased I'm not the only one who grew little monster carrots, now I know why, maybe my compost, grass cutting garden will be softer, I'll try again this spring..

You sound like your day today will be very busy, that's good Dools, it will keep the negative thought away...(I hope). I hope your day is a fairly good day today and you have some interesting people call into the op shop..

Kind and peaceful thoughts,

Grandy

Heya Doolsy and other lovelies

Bear with me Doolsy lol even when your struggling it's a pleasure to read your posts 😂 because now here's the point you never fail to put positives in. You too amongst many I'm learning so much from and I sincerely thank you as well 🤗

I know you were remembering to do your back excercises but a reminder if you need it ☺

How's your heart health going?

Well done keeping so active you certainly don't let M/physical health hold you back, impressive. Trooper true to the word.

I've been reading and I think caught up mostly but will if not later.

Although it sounded like it had it's moments I'm glad your trip to your parents gave you some nice walks. Talking of one of the things you've made me more aware of as well as in Shellys walking shoes thread that I love hearing yours and the others descriptive walks has made me take more notice of surroundings, I use to look and love it but taking in more detail that's a positive for good memories and mindfulness. Memory allowing of course but that too with practice hopefully.

I'll have a go on Shells thread sometime, won't be up to you guys standards but I won't get good at it without practice.

Hope your days good everyone 🕊 Grandy I've stolen your gorgeous peace dove 😚 oh and loved your carrots 😅 sorry

I Agree with DB about Dools' posts... Even when she is at her worst, she manages to include positives and funny jokes and very imaginative phrases!

a pleasure to have on here x that goes for all of you

Hi Grandy and All,

Our cat is not quite as fat as Garfield...yet! As we don't let her run free in the garden to chase birds, I guess she doesn't get as much exercise as she requires. We have tried all kinds of toys with her. Usually she just turns her back on us and looks elsewhere, even when we roll the table tennis balls past her, she ignores them.

She will lay on her back, lick one paw once, then just relax in that position and fall asleep! It is like okay, I made a start, that will do. I love the story about your dogs running away if someone comes into the yard.

I had a Drs appointment before I went to the Op Shop at 9.00 a.m. After waiting 3/4 hour I was ready to walk out, but managed to stay there. Seems the back just keeps on detreating adding more pinched nerves doing all kinds of wonderful and weird things to my legs!

DeeBe the old ticker was doing its tricks again and my heart rate was up there pretty high. The Dr just suggested I had it checked later in the day. While I was at the Op Shop I felt like I was going to pass pout a couple of times.

People next door were doing a first aid course, so I thought if I did pass out, I would have plenty of people there to assist me. I didn't end up passing out so guess the old ticker will keep going for another day or two!

Hey DeeBe don't think you have to meet anyone's standards here! I love the way you communicate, you don't need to change a thing!

Apart from feeling like I was going to pass out, I did enjoy my time in the Op Shop today. We were really busy and seemed to have a lot of people from many different nationalities pop in, it was like a mini United Nations today! I loved chatting to a lot of the customers.

Had a bit of an attack of the blues and a stress out time trying to do some of my study after dinner. Tried to tell myself I am very fortunate I have the opportunity to study. Tried to think positive thoughts and reaffirm I was doing something good for myself and my work prospects. Tried to accept my depressive thoughts and kept plodding on.

Thanks for the reminder about the back exercises DeeBe I will do those after I have washed the dishes.

Cheers everyone, from Dools

Hey Chloe,

Thanks. Laughter certainly does help. On really dark days I look for funny clips on the computer to watch or enjoy watching animals doing cute things. Helps to lift my spirits!

Quite often in the Op Shop I will walk around and just give people a Cheery greeting, some people look so shocked by this! Some give me a greeting and a smile in return.

One lady hung around in the shop for ages today, her baby had a really stinky nappy! I was just about vomiting and still trying to smile! Now that took a huge effort! Ha. Ha.

Cheers from Dools.

Geez Dools do they know what the cause is for your ticker, do you get breathless and or Angina. Sorry another question do the op shop co workers know of your heart? My late love had heart probs 3rd heart attack when the leukaemia came on and he had 2 stents numerous problems and angina most of the time poor darling. Horrid health

A friend has similar he has tachycardia (fast) really bad and they can't do anything he also has bradycardia (slow) it'd be frightening I'd think. You poor thing if you're able try and grab someone say heart and or get to a seat if you can in case you do go out to it or lean on something which you may do these things. Can't say your GP gets too excited does he need a reminder this is your heart 🤐

You have pretty poor health with your back too don't you, ohhh yeah nerve pains the ultimate I know very well excrutiating back pain from bulging discs. Some specific nerve pain meds worked mostly for my love though still pain but side effect is tiredness I've heard a lot benefit from them too.I'm finding walking hills is making the outs a lot less severe tho at times 😨😭😬 unbelievable I often have screamed trying to get out of bed so full empathy.

I'll have a go at your gentle positive self talk although I'm hearing and understanding not to fight depression I've had success firm talking it on a few occasions. Did it help you?

Thanks Doolsy I do in my thread still talk like I do wanna gunna etc but so many other aspects of communication I fail but want to and am learning here because dah another time ☺

Your welcome do you want me to remind you other times or sporadically if not all good

Okelly dokelly enjoy a painfree I hope sleep and no heart parties, love you said that I giggled ...oh how caring 😅

Nigh nite everyone

🐣

Hello everyone,

Well where I am the sun is shining ☀️and there are birds chirping 🕊 it's like a Disney movie come to life 😄

I have come to embrace my depression. I find that if fight it, it worsens. And I don't have the energy to fight it anyway. I have accepted that it is a part of me, but it does not define me. It shapes my life but not all of it.

And im done hiding. The first step to addressing a problem is awareness right? I'm done saying 'I'm okay' and 'I'm fine'. Because I'm not. And I'm sick of being a liar.

This morning I went for a bike ride. At first, I didn't want to, my inner critic was saying stuff to me and I was anxious and I wasn't at all motivated. So I said no to the bike ride. And then I thought, wait a minute, I just let MI win. So i took back what I said, got dressed and rode for over an hour along the track around the bay. I just got back now. It's like a few weeks ago at bowling- I acknowledged the depression and anxiety and then told them to get lost. The black dog and the feral cat were running behind me on my bike this morning, trying to catch up. But I didn't let them 😎

Go me!

Anyone else got any stories of how they embraced/fought their MI today?

chloe 💛

Hi DB and All,

Last time my heart went a bit crazy I did black out and had an ambulance ride to the hospital. Not much was done about it, the Dr doesn't seem to know what the problem is and the tests I had done don't show anything too disturbing. Just one of those things apparently!

Maybe I am a bit too causal about it all! Yes, the ladies in the Op Shop know I have a bit of an issue but I didn't tell them I was feeling so crook on Thursday. Today I don't feel quite as bad so hopefully tomorrow I will feel better still.

I managed to do some gardening today. It seemed almost as soon as I started to pick up the sticks and bark my back complained, then all the various nerve impinging happened now and then. I was really cheesed off and became a little depressed and frustrated.

So I went to the shed, brought out the long handled clippers and attacked some bramble roses that have grown huge and are taking over. We also have some horrible tree that sends out runners. The resulting trees that grow are covered in huge thorns. I managed to cut down some of those today as well.

Now I have less depression as I feel like I achieved something. My back and various bits of my legs affected by the nerve pinching in the back feel like they have been trampled on and the heart has decided to behave itself now I am sitting down again.

Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Cheers from Dools

Hi Chloe and All,

Chloe, I love the story about the black dog and the feral cat trying to catch you while you were riding your bike! Congratulations for changing your mind and going for that ride.

I had planned to do some gardening today, than almost talked myself out of it after lunch. Part of my mind was telling me I would be a lot better off just going to bed for the afternoon.

If you read the message I sent to DB you will see that I combatted the depression and did get stuck into some gardening. To be honest, at one time I was almost in tears, accepted how I felt and kept going.

I had a couple of surprises while I was in the garden as the neighbour with the barking dog said "hello" when she saw me and we had a very brief chat and later when I was bringing the washing in, one of the other neighbour's cats came up to me and let me pat her.

It was lovely out in the sun.

All the best Chloe with accepting your depression and deciding to do things even when you don't feel like it!

Cheers all from Dools

Hi Dools,

haha yes, the dog and cat couldn't keep up with me!

Good on you for doing gardening. You might have enjoyed a nice relaxing rest but I'm sure you were feeling pretty good after some quality time spent among the plants🌷 Im sorry, if you have said before I don't remember, what do you grow in your Garden?

Thats nice of your neighbour. are you surprised because you have never really chatted before, or did they just surprise you ( like sneak up on you)? Also I love cats 🐱 Went to a friends house on Friday with my best friend and 3 others. The friend who owns the house has 5 cats but one ran away and lives down the street. All his cats are very well behaved and calm and love being scratched behind the ears, unlike my Anxiety Kitty 🙀. Was nice to see them all (my friends, but also the cats lol). I was very anxious that morning but it went away quickly.

All the best to you too 🤗❤️

Chloe :D

Hey Doolsy and everyone

Doolsy lady you're nothing short of inspirational.

Good job getting those thorns under control and the rose bush trimmed.

Would be good to know why your hearts partying. How awful going through that 🤗

Looks like it's going to be a glorious day here, birdies are singing the odd dog barking, a new day dawns on us all.

Chloe loven you kept ahead off the Black dog and feral cat 👍

Peace in your days every one ☺

Take good care Doolsy 🌹

Hi Chloe and DB and All reading,

Animals are lovely aren't they. It is excellent the cats were friendly Chloe and you could spend some time with them. Our cat was a rescue cat and she does not like her touching her much at all and never sits on our laps. She does sit in the same room as us most of the time and does a few funny things now and then.

Our garden is 5 acres of half dead everything after this prolonged dry summer. Well no, that is my depressed brain speaking! Some plants have died including native trees and bushes which is such a shame. I have just not been able to keep up with the watering.

In some places we have slight banks of dirt, when I am watering, the soil is so dry, the water is just running right off and down the hill. A lovely constant slow drizzle of rain for 24 hours would be lovely.

This morning in bed the black dog and the feral cat were fighting over who was going to dominate me this morning, so I am trying to listen to them, accept they are there, throw them both some huge bones to gnaw on for a while and get on with my day!

DB the Doctor is a 20 kilometre drive away so I am not really all that excited about going back and forth trying to get answers about what is happening when no answers seem to be available. I figure it will either get better or it will get worse. If it gets too much worse I will try and see one of the Drs again. If it gets really bad I will go to the hospital or call an ambulance.

Meanwhile I will get on with today, accept the black dog is nipping at my heels and that darn feral cat is trying to wrap itself around my head!

Unlike Chloe I don't have a bike to ride so I will go for a walk a bit later, I don't run either so a brisk walk it will be.

Hope you both have a lovely day and the same to all of you who are reading.

I'm going to work on using helpful thoughts today and acceptance that parts of my day might not be great, but that doesn't mean the whole day has to be flushed down the gurgler!

Cheers all from Dools

Hi Dools, (wave to DB 👋❤️)

I think the good thing about your garden being half dead is that it makes it a little project for you- maybe to work on it to turn it into a beautiful little oasis like it probably was before 🌻🌷

hahah had some funny visuals of the dog and cat chasing you and wrapping around your head 😂

Hope your day is peaceful- a walk sounds lovely, I'd go for one too but it's cold and windy in my part of the country lol

x Chloe

Hi Chloe,

Thanks for the cheery message. Over the 5 years we have lived here, I have learnt what will survive the heat of the summer and the severe winter frosts. This last summer was a real scorcher, so a lot of plants died. I have decided to care for the plants that have survived and not fuss over the ones that didn't make it.

As my back continues to deteriorate, there will be less physical work I will be able to do in the garden, so now is the time to make the most of what we do have, enjoy it, and maintain it to a manageable level.

Removing the dead plants helps to improve the look of what is surviving. A bit like our mental health issues, if we can learn to control and cut out some of the negative and unhelpful thoughts, we can find more helpful and positive ways to move forward. A bit like helping a garden to flourish, the more we work on the mind, the more we benefit!

I'm going to tackle a bit more of the garden this afternoon.

I did go for a walk yesterday, it was lovely.

Cheers to you and all, from Dools