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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

Topic: Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

  1. Elizabeth CP
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    23 October 2017 in reply to Croix
    Thanks Croix. I found some more sleeping tablets (not in their box which was empty so last night I slept. Still feeling tired & flat unsure if that is side effect of meds or just from still being tired from yesterday. The useless feeling is unfortunately a common feeling for me that I can't shake. I feel unmotivated ATM & having to force myself to do things. Anything requiring thinking or planning seems to be too hard.
  2. Lost Girl
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    23 October 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    I hope the sleep meds help you get a restful sleep. I am glad you were able to sit up for a while but try to remembee to take it slow and only do it for short amounts.

    I find sometimes my lack of motivation coincides with having done too much in prior days. I am trying to recognise this and reduce how much time I am active. Perhaps yours might be similar?Sleep issues don't help too.

    My physio keeps reminding me to slow down. Pacing will help reduce the severity of bad days.

    Perhaps redefining your definition of useful could help? Set smaller goals?

    Thinking of you

  3. Elizabeth CP
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    31 October 2017 in reply to Lost Girl

    Sorry I haven't replied. I have been very tired & busy lately. I haven't had enough sleep so I will take sleeping tablet tonight. I can't take them if I need to get up early. I think overdoing it does lead to a slump as I'm experiencing now. I babysat Friday which was nice & then stayed overnight so I could help prepare for a birthday party for 2 of them on Sat. This meant late night Fri & then Sat we arrived home late & got up early for church Sun. Mon I had to get up early to drop off my husband & then had to get blood tests at 8 this morning.

    I feel like me mind is working overtime working out how to do everything & trying to remember what is most important. I saw my psych today but felt very drained as I know what he is saying is right for me but I'm struggling to get the motivation. There are a few things in my life which have fallen apart but I seem to be unable to get past the negative thoughts & feelings to move forward. I feel guilty for not doing what I should which just adds to the confused feelings & resentment & creates a bigger barrier.

  4. Lost Girl
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    1 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    If one thing happens it is hard but with multiple things it is understandable that it takes a bigger toll.

    It sounds like the psych had some good advice. Motivation can be so hard when you feel this way.

    Is there a way to do a little of wjat was suggested and then over time increase it? Perhaps achieving even a little bit will help you feel like you are accomplishing something and perhaps that will be a start to improving your motivation?

    When my mind gets overloaded like that, I write lists now. Some by task or by day or by week. I find it makes me feel more calm when I can see it all. Just a thought.

    Me

  5. Elizabeth CP
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    1 November 2017 in reply to Lost Girl
    I do write lists & find them helpful & doing a little & building up is a useful strategy, The particular issue I have I seem to struggle to even attempt to start. It is hard to explain as my reactions seem to make no sense even to me.
  6. Croix
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    1 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth (with a wave to Carol)~

    I agree that it is overdoing things that has landed you in this state, and I'm very sure it is not the first time.

    Having a list is good, but as you say actually starting to do one of the tasks is hard. It shows all though your posts you invest an awful lot of yourself in getting tasks done. You expect to do things, and blame yourself if you don't - even if the reason is beyond your control.

    I suspect that this makes for a very high pressure risky situation, the stakes are very high. Succeed and things go on as normal, nothing special or praiseworthy not matter how hard or draining it may be. Fail and you feel very bad indeed. Under such circumstances a reluctance to start in what is almost a no-win situation is quite understandable.

    I tend to suffer from this myself at times, so if I'm putting my failings unjustifiably on you my apologies. To try to get out of this predicament I need to set smaller easier to achieve goals and work up as I improve. Making one phone call rather than the whole lot, just going to the chemist rather than all the errands, that sort of thing.

    Even 'dummy' tasks like doing something I know I will enjoy even if not essential - read a chapter in the current book can help.

    You know all these strategies already, perhaps knowing others have to resort to them too might be an encouragement

    Croix

  7. Elizabeth CP
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    2 November 2017 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix.

    On my weekly planner which I use to try to stay on track (note I say try) I include things like children (meaning I need to speak to them on the phone or visit & Relax/ have fun (unfortunately that one often seems to not be done but at least I'm trying to think about it)

    When I have enough energy I manage the practical things although I have a bad habit of overdoing it & really struggle to get the balance right eg last weekend.

    My problem at the moment is related to church & spirituality. It is hard to explain. Church was an important part of our family's life & everyone else remains very faithful. I still go because I need to take my husband but feel increasingly disconnected & hypocritical. The logical part of my brain remembers how much better I felt when I was reading scriptures & praying & leading a life based on Christian principles. Something seems to be stopping me I just can't get motivated to try & then feel guilty & not good enough & spiralling down. My psych has tried to help by encouraging me to read a little or pray a little so I feel I'm doing something but I seem to be unable & then feel I'm wasting his time making me feel worse. This probably makes no sense. It makes no sense to me

  8. Croix
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    2 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    Perhaps part of the problem is form. You do not do the same things as you used to, while I would not know the reason perhaps it is time for a change and to express faith in another manner. Perhaps by doing what you can to support an organization that helps society (St V d P, Anglicare etc) or some other avenue may leave you feeling more in tune.

    Just an idle though, dunno

    Croix

  9. Shelll
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    2 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    When you say hypocritical, are you saying you are unable to do what God says, or you do not live the way he says?? Or is it something else... Am I on the right track there in regards to your thoughts?

    Shell xx

  10. Shelll
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    3 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Good Morning Elizabeth, May you have a much better day today. And hey .... don't feel pressured to answer the question that I asked you last night. You are free.

    Shell xx

  11. Elizabeth CP
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    3 November 2017 in reply to Shelll

    Shell

    I feel hypocritical because I'm going to church so putting on the appearance of being a good Christian yet I'm not studying the scriptures or praying so I'm not feeling spiritual at all.

  12. Elizabeth CP
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    5 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I am feeling overwhelmed & need to escape but have no way of doing this. I have been exhausted since I went away & any attempt to catch up on sleep seems unsuccessful. Even when I get a couple of reasonable nights sleep it isn't enough to get over the fatigue. Even when I'm not doing anything constructive my mind is trying to cope with the lists of things needing doing.

    Yesterday my son pulled out my oven & demolished the brick surround which I hated. The oven wasn't working properly. My son offered & it needed doing so I accepted but now I'm left with a hole in the floor & ceiling, no oven , piles of rubble & an old oven in my back yard & contents of kitchen in odd places as I moved things to avoid getting everything covered in dust. I have to get the kitchen fixed urgently. I need to finish my vegetable garden & weeding strawberries & raspberries. My husband is always anxious to get the vegetables planted in spring but of course it is now my job along with everything else. It would have been fine if I wasn't out of action for weeks due to my back & still supposed to be careful. Then my husband wants to go away hiking in the alpine area so I need to arrange that & check if the snow is cleared as he can't cope with snow & cold weather. Today he decided he needs to do a particular walk every day to get fitter. It takes several hours & he gets exhausted doing it plus it isn't safe for him to do alone so I have to find time to do this as well as everything else. I had already mentioned that I was exhausted & needed a break.

    The other issue is Tuesday we have a family outing. One son offered to take us as his wife isn't going which would have given me a break from driving all the time except my other DIL rang to ask for a lift for their family as they can't afford petrol. This will be stressful as DIL is very overbearing. It annoys me that she can spend on anything she wants including expensive holidays on her own (but they can't afford to go away as a family) & then they can't pay for essentials. Financial stress has caused my son to end up in psych hospital several times so this really bothers me.

    Sorry for the ranting

  13. Croix
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    5 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    You sound very strained -and I'm not surprised. Every time you recharge even a little you are off using it. If you regarded your energy and mental well-being as a budget you would see what I mean. Actually you most probably you already do. The idea of banking up some energy for the future does not seem to fit. Running out of energy not only affects how you feel mentally in a direct manner but also feeds feelings of failure.

    I'm sure you already know all this and are simply pressured by your feelings of obligation. Your husband's sudden desire for a fitness walk every day is an example. Did he take you into account when making that decision? Or simply assume you would make it all work. I suspect if he asked you would say it was OK.

    I'm sorry, I'm probably being intrusive by making such comments however it appears that way from what you have said.

    I don't blame you for 'ranting', I'd do at least that in your situation

    Croix

  14. Elizabeth CP
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    5 November 2017 in reply to Croix
    Thanks Croix. You are correct. It helps having someone at least understand even if you can't fix it. My husband doesn't mean to be putting so much pressure on me & he wants to be as independent as possible & wants to maintain as much fitness as possible but doesn't think through what it means to me to suggest things like he does. This is compounded by my guilt feelings of never doing enough. He is not always realistic about what he can do which creates problems. I'm the one who deals with the consequences when things go wrong.
  15. Shelll
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    5 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I think I am a little concerned for you Elizabeth. You do sound overwhelmed. I am guessing all this stuff happening is just bringing on stress in your physical body. It's all too much. Can you not just say a gentle no to some of this?? It seems like a wise and logical thing to do. I am concerned you may even be making it worse for yourself. Maybe write on your list.... take a relaxing bubble bath or something else that is nice and calming.

    And maybe you are allowing yourself to be driven by guilt or something??

    Please take care won't you..

    Shell x

  16. blondguy
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    5 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello Elizabeth

    I apologise for not being present on you thread.....sincerely. I understand where you are coming from with sometimes having a 'racing' mind. It has overwhelmed me in the 1980's and 1990's and even now too and its such a pain in the rump as well

    You mentioned...."Anything requiring thinking or planning seems to be too hard".......I have only read up to this post and it really rang a lot of bells for me Elizabeth

    Just from my own situation I have felt exactly the same since my anxiety 'kicked in' in 1983. The 'super regular counseling' and meds did work really well but you have hit the nail on the head with your statement that you made above...so well said....I still feel the same way as you do

    Just in my opinion with my illness Elizabeth..."Anything requiring thinking or planning seems to be too hard" can be a result of any reason in our background and what we have gone through as a child but after 30+ years of feeling the same way I am really starting to believe that its a physical issue due to chemical imbalances.....people dont choose to be this way Elizabeth. I know I dont x

    My Kindest

    Paul

  17. Elizabeth CP
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    6 November 2017 in reply to blondguy

    Thanks Paul, As you implied physical & mental issues are closely related. Tiredness is a huge trigger for me. Also any pain, illness or injury increases tiredness but also stops me doing things I need to do increasing pressure on me. Even after things improve I then have the pressure of catching up on everything which hasn't been done. I need a circuit breaker but attempts to change things don't seem to work. My psych pointed out that he believed that being busy working towards my goals not only makes me feel useful & in control which is important for my wellbeing but also helps to focus my mind thus quietening all the negative thoughts. Unfortunately this means it is extra hard when I can't effectively work towards my goals but also makes it hard to relax when not working. It also means I often overdo things leaving me worse off.

    I have felt I need to really have a break to allow time for my mind & body to recover but that seems to be difficult. Attempts to do this have failed. Medication hasn't worked. I don't want to try anything else due to the side effects. I take sleeping tablets occasionally when really bad.

  18. Elizabeth CP
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    8 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I've had a psychiatrist visit today. Unfortunately it didn't hel because I feel so stuck & unable to change. I'm still feeling very tired & overwhelmed by everything needing doing. Because of the fatigue & amount of stuff needing doing 'yesterday' I'm struggling to sort out in my mind what to do & prioritise it. Yesterday we had a family gathering. My husband went with one son but I had to provide transport for my other son as they couldn't afford petrol. I find my DIL overbearing & resent the way she spends money on whatever she wants including expensive holidays but then can't afford to pay bills. I would have loved to travel with my older son & have a break from driving. The trip home was stressful as DIL confirmed she wasn't paying back loans she had & then accused me of blaming her for all the financial problems My son's job is likely to finish at the end of the year & they may have to move yet she HAS to go to Fiji for a couple of weeks & HAS to go on a cruise next year. My son & grandkids can't have a holiday as their is no money. She yells at my son & the kids often & complains about them to others while they are listening & then she wonders why my son doesn't help. Anything he does isn't good enough. He has a history of serious depression so I'm worried about that.

    Last night my husband arrived home complaining about his shoulder & head so today was spent at the hospital getting that checked. It appears that it is soft tissue damage so needs time to heal rather than active treatment.

    My psych suggested I find some things to do for myself. They need to be engaging enough to take my mind off things. The trouble is finding time to fit in anything extra. Also my energy levels mean I need a break but not being busy means more time to notice everything needing doing. I don't know how to break out of the cycle. I am so inefficient because of my stress levels which is making things harder.

  19. Croix
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    8 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    Do you think your psych may have been suggesting "I find some things to do for myself" instead of doing something for someone else? As usual looking in from the outside without being blinkered by you burning drive I can see the sense in that.

    I know, it is you driving you. I'm sure you family would all quite often stand around in a circle and say "No thanks, you go and do something for you" - all except your princess DIL of course. Mind you she is your son's problem to fix, not yours.

    Yes I'm unrealistic

    Croix

  20. Elizabeth CP
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    8 November 2017 in reply to Croix

    I know my psych wasn't trying to add to my list but I honestly don't know what to cut out. There are things I need to do urgently including fixing my kitchen. This was self inflicted because my son had time to help demolish the oven & surround but now I need to plan the next part but I'm struggling to work out what to do. I thought I would have more time today but spending hours in the hospital emergency didn't help & that wasn't something I could avoid. I need to finish what I started in the garden before all the work I did is undone because I didn't weed, mulch & water etc. I need to find a way to switch off & have a break but I'm struggling to work out how to do this without leaving me worse off & further behind.

    As for the DIL. I wish I could say it is my son's problem & I do try to limit contact but I will be the one expected to pick up the pieces if things go horribly wrong & he has a total breakdown & she leaves him. It is not just me that fears this. His dad & siblings all worry about what will happen to him.

    Sorry I sound so negative but I do appreciate you trying to help.

  21. Shelll
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    8 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I am sorry about the issues there with your daughter in law and son Elizabeth. That whole issue must pull at your heart a lot.

    I would not be much help with your list there, I don't think. But maybe you just need to have a deep look and see which things are the most important and attend to them first or something.

    Shellxx

  22. Croix
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    9 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    You are not negative - more like trapped.

    OK, so each of the things you do has good and valid reasons to keep on doing it, yet less time devoted to them overall seems appropriate.

    Now you might think me silly but I think you should emulate Alexander (a predecessor with a knotty problem) and simply allot a time every day -a fixed time - to do your thing. 12-5 or some such. Yes I know straight away there will be clashes. I know you are a most determined person, but can you be ruthless enough to make it work?

    You need to be around for the long haul!

    Croix

  23. Elizabeth CP
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    10 November 2017 in reply to Croix
    Thanks Croix & Shell, I wonder if I should go away for a couple of days to have a complete break. I'm unsure if the break will give me the rest I need so I feel better after or if it will just put extra pressure by reducing time do do things & will I get the rest I need or will I not have enough time to wind down & then have extra things to do packing & unpacking & watching my husband. Obviously going away is not a long term solution.
  24. Croix
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    11 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I'd guess "not have enough time to wind down & then have extra things to do packing & unpacking & watching my husband"

    Going away for a couple of days will probably not hurt, but even if you got some relief you would be returning to the current unsatisfactory status quo. You need a solution that keeps on going. That's why I suggested being strong-minded enough to have 'Elizabeth hours' every day.

    Croix

  25. Lost Girl
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    11 November 2017 in reply to Croix

    Hi Elizabeth, (waves back to Croix),

    Yes. Take a break away. It sounds like you are way overdue some time out.

    I agree with Croix's idea of alloting specific time just for you each day.

    Perhaps you can alternate days with hubby's fitness needs until you are back to having some energy. Marriage is all about compromise.

    My year 2 daughter told me she had learnt about filling up other people's buckets with kindness. They were also taught it is important to make sure you are receiving kindness as well. Without recieving something yourself your bucket becomes empty and it is hard to give when there is nothing left. You need to refill your bucket.

    Kindest thoughts,

    Carol

  26. Elizabeth CP
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    11 November 2017 in reply to Croix
    My idea of the break was to act like a circuit breaker. A chance to switch of & relax so I have some energy to cope better & hopefully be better able to plan my life so I can manage better long term. Maybe if I can think clearer I can make better decisions to ensure I can both manage life;s demands as well as working out what I should be doing for myself. Just not sure if it will give me enough of a break without putting extra demands on me.
  27. Croix
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    11 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    Um, perhaps you are right, I'd really hope you are, though I can't help feeling it is a softer option than making regular 'me time' which I do think is what is really needed.

    I also think Carol's idea of alternating days a pretty good one.

    Perhaps a couple of days is not enough because, knowing you, you will spend an awful lot of time in preparations and arrangements.

    Just my 2¢'s worth I guess

    Croix

  28. Elizabeth CP
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    14 November 2017 in reply to Croix
    Thanks Carol & Croix. Fortunately we didn't book anything. My husband isn't good. Saw GP yesterday, tests today & then back Thursday to get results so going away would have been a disaster.Unfortunately doing the kitchen isn't happening as I don't feel confident on my own & my husband shouldn't be lifting anything ATM. My son finished off knocking out the brickwork so I could start but he won't have time to do any more for a couple of weeks. The weather has turned hot & the hot air in the roof cavity pours into the kitchen through the hole in the ceiling so the job is urgent. I don't cope with heat. Having no oven is a pain but I can cope with that for now. The extra visits to GP & radiologists etc aren't helping me. One DIL asked me to babysit last night. I made an excuse not to. Past experience has taught me to be wary of babysitting for her. Tonight my son rang asking me to take his kids to childcare & school tomorrow. I agreed because both him & his wife do help us often when needed & he needed the help tomorrow so I felt I needed to say yes. My psychologist is sick & cancelled appointment which was disappointing as I really need to get some help moving forward. Now have to wait 3 weeks.
  29. Croix
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    14 November 2017 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    If not one thing then another. I'm sorry you did not even get a break. I think you wise not to have done that babysitting - It's nice to see you do draw some boundaries:)

    On a practical note could your son or somebody else just quickly tack a tarp over the hole? Not pretty but would stop a lot of the hot air coming in.

    Hopefully your husband will be OK again soon.

    Croix

  30. Elizabeth CP
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    15 November 2017 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix. Hopefully we get an answer tomorrow re what is wrong with my husband & hopefully what can be done to speed recovery. I suspect it may take some time. Not sure that fitting a tarp will work. When my son is free I would prefer he helped get things fixed properly. Fitting a tarp would be quite fiddly. I need the weather to cool so I can be effective & get as much done as possible so my son can focus on the tasks I can't manage. He is very busy over the next couple of weeks.

    I don't cope in hot weather. It triggers PTSD & associated issues. This has been a long term problem.

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