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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I just feel like i have no chance..

Topic: I just feel like i have no chance..

  1. BballJ
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    16 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Apologies about my delay in-between posts, I haven't been on the forums for a couple of days. Your last few posts have been amazing, and you truly have come a long way so in that I say congratulation... every step forward is a great step.. I enjoy how you are working things out and seeing that what you are going through almost doesn't define you.. your future choices will help to define you, not the spot you are in now. I am sorry about not getting the grad position but you still had two more chances left if I read correctly and if they don't come through then keep researching and finding new ways to achieve your goals... like you said, life doesn't end at 23... it is all just beginning, you have so much in front of you and like I've said before, I wish when I was 23 that I had the vision and clarity you do.

    The moving overseas thing is a great idea and one if you can do it, would be an awesome experience, I know a few people who have done it and some have stayed over there full time after getting their working visa's etc. It can really be a life changing experience and may that is something you need.

    My best,

    Jay

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Quercus
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    16 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    More positivity and a hopeful outlook. That was lovely to read, thank you.

    This topic keeps cropping up in your posts...

    seeing the biblical counsellor at my school, telling him things that I shouldn't have really did not help. But I guess I was at an age where I was trying to figure things out and at that point in my life it was the answer

    You said he didn't abuse you physically but whenever you talk about this is pretty clear whatever he said really affected and confused and upset you. Obviously it's your business what you choose to talk about but I wonder have you gone into depth and worked through with your psychiatrit what was said?

    I found talking about my experiences very difficult at first but actually talking it through in detail has let me step back and

    1. Examine what I actually felt at the time and why.

    2. Look further into why I was vulnerable in the first place.

    3. Separate the feelings attached to the memories from how I feel now when I think about it.

    I know our situations are different but whenever I read your posts and see mention of this man it worries me that your response is similar to my own with the ex. I was so caught up in the hurt and pain he caused me that I was not able to see at all that there were other problems at play too. It was easier to just blame all of my issues on him but that didn't actually help me get any better.

    What do you think about this?

    The rest you talk about is great. I hope me discussing this doesn't bring you down that's not my intention.

    Keep up with those baby steps. You're right you really are helping yourself 😊

  3. james1
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    17 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    You're doing a lot of stuff at the moment to try and get back on track. I don't really have any suggestions because I think you're doing all you need to and anything more will just come naturally.

    The biggest change I've seen from your first posts to now is that you're seem like you're feeling a little more empowered to take control of your life again.

    It's tough, but you'll get there!

    James

  4. HamSolo01
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    820 posts
    20 July 2017 in reply to james1

    Hey all

    Was going to post up about how things are going relatively well but I've been hit by a spike of bad depression... not exactly sure what brought it on.. I think I need to maybe tie up some loose ends with people i dunno... two people have dropped off my radar and i've tried to reach out to them but they don't seem interested.. i always take those things personally.. maybe it's because I'm sick of feeling like I'm losing friends.. Feels like I will go nowhere.. Almost like there is an inevitability about it.. I'm very tired atm..

    Wrote this up:

    Rise we will

    Rise we shall

    Rise we can



    Beyond that shadow

    Beyond that darkness

    Beyond that sorrow



    Though my heart it aches

    Though my soul its heavy

    Though my mind is filled



    Amongst the chaos

    Amongst the angst

    Amongst the pain

    Amongst the sorrow



    There is grit

    There is peace

    There is hope



    Rest now in this

    Let it take its place

    Let it hit you

    Let it break you



    Rise you will

    Stronger

    Rise you shall

    Greater

    Rise you can

    Hopeful



    This too shall pass

    Like all things



    You know what you are

    You feel otherwise



    It’s okay



    Rest now.

    It feels a little fake tbh.. but it's just what came to my mind at the time..

    I need to take a sleep I think.

    Laters

  5. Quercus
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    22 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Sorry for the delayed reply. Another little road trip.

    How are you feeling? Did you manage to keep yourself busy until the low mood eased? I hope you're doing better today. Have you seen your psych? I wonder how are the new meds going?

    Anyway I just wanted to check you're alright.

  6. HamSolo01
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    23 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    hey

    thought i would drop by and drop this in

    Things are okay. Not great but not terrible.

    I find that I'm getting angsty about stuff that hasnt even happened yet (eg: the new work thing im doing for two weeks). I dunno why i get nervous about it before its happened.. i think its because i attach my self worth to it. Strange I know but i find that this is what i do too often. Its silly really. I guess I'm learning to ditch part of it by implementing different thought patterns etc.

    Another thing I have noticed is that in order to get through tough times i need to remember that i am worth it. Worth it in the sense that i deserve to be improving my life. Lately i have noticed it is difficult to see worth in things when i dont value myself enough.. a bit like running on empty. One such way i do this is to remember instances where I have had success in the past. Where things worked out, where i made someone laugh or i convinced someone of something. Moments where it was okay. I guess i only have several but this is because of my introverted nature. I like that about me though. I find it hard to make small talk. I can fake it easy, but i just dont get value out of it.

    The relationships thing is a hollow ball of glass now.. i guess it was all along. It was a sign of a deeper issue - self worth. This is what i have worked on for a couple of months now. Ive seen some deep changes but its hard maintaining them.

    I think i need to remember to look at things in the bigger picture. No job i get in the 6 months is permanent so its important to remember its not the end of my life lol.

    Raised a bit of cash for the funrun today too. 11km was surprisingly easy. Might make it into a hobby lol.

    Anyways. Life goes on.

    Im starting group support this week. Different organisation to the one from last time. They told me they didnt have enough for a group yet but in their site it had started... liars. I reckon it is because of the suicide history i had. I guess they wanted a more controlled environment to work in. Found 2 groups this week i will be going to and find out more about.

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  7. BballJ
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    23 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Apologies for the delayed response also, haven't been on the forums for a couple of days.

    I am with you in the fact I understand the feeling of getting angsty, it's quite annoying worry about upcoming things, I always wished there was a little switch I could flick and not worry about it.

    I like the theme of your latest post, the self worth theme... knowing your self worth it a huge thing and not many people know it or understand it, myself included. I think once you know your worth then you know what is good for you and what isn't. You know where to spend your time and where not to spend your time. It's a good thing.

    Again, I like the quote you wrote, look at things in the bigger picture, if we could all do these we may be in better places but understanding it is a great start. Awesome work on the fun run by the way, 11 km's is a lot so be proud of that.

    Let us know how the group support goes, I'd be keen to hear some feedback on it as I have never done it before.

    My best,

    Jay

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  8. Quercus
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    23 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Congratulations on the fun run. That is fantastic. Totally agree that would be a great thing to do regularly. Forgive me I can't remember who you were raising the money for though can you remind me?

    Your post hit close to home. Self worth. Arrgh. The thing I wish I had a clue how to repair or build! One thing I have learnt relates to this....

    The relationships thing is a hollow ball of glass now.. i guess it was all along. It was a sign of a deeper issue - self worth. This is what i have worked on for a couple of months now. Ive seen some deep changes but its hard maintaining them.

    Your self worth shouldn't be tied into or defined by a relationship. I struggle with this and it's unhealthy I think. My view of myself seems to ebb and flow with how my loved ones treat me. If my husband is affectionate and full of praise I feel good about myself. If he is critical and tired and grumpy I feel uneasy, like I'm not good enough. But the reality is how I feel about ME should not be defined by others. The only person who should decide how I feel about ME is me. I'm just not really sure how to fix this.

    I like that you're aiming to improve your self worth just for you. That's really healthy I think. Have you been onto the thread.. Do you love yourself? It's very interesting actually.

    Anyway hoping you keep taking those steps forward. I feel like your posts sound a lot stronger as time goes on. You sound like you're making progress with your self esteem actually.

    Take care of yourself 😊

  9. HamSolo01
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    24 July 2017 in reply to Quercus

    afternoon

    i feel rather depressed at the moment

    but hey i guess thats the way it is..

    just felt like making this small post to vent

    off to tutor a student now

    laters

  10. james1
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    24 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    If you want to talk to us later, we'll be here.

    Also, thanks and good work on letting us know you're feeling pretty down.

    I used to struggle and vent big time but then found that, really, I just needed to know that someone cared. So then I just kept the vent texts to a minimal and it also helped me because I got used to just letting off steam a little at a time but more often, stopping any real big kaboom.

    Hope tutoring is okay.

    James

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  11. Quercus
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    24 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    James is so right! Good on you for reaching out when you need support. It's easy to just curl up within yourself and brood and so bloody hard to admit you feel low.

    Is there anything you want to talk about? We're here. We are listening and yes we do care.

  12. BballJ
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    24 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Like james1 and Quercus said... we are here and care about your well being. We hope you can let us know how you are feeling.

    A small post is better than no post so that is great.

    Hopefully tutoring went well.

    My best,

    Jay

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  13. HamSolo01
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    25 July 2017 in reply to BballJ

    hey all

    there are a couple of things plaguing my mind atm

    1) the funrun i did last weekend. It annoyed me because hardly anyone donated. I know it's not about how much you make etc. But I was hoping some of my 'closer' friends would've donated something. It's really beginning to make me feel upset that I seem to be losing friends. I hate the fact I was involved with a friend's work crowd to the extent that I was. There was absolutely no convincing connection. I didn't have the ability to do it then and as a result I have very few friends left. It frustrates me because I feel like I wasted my time on people that don't care. Either that I made no proper effort. Today I've organised to go to the movies and 2 people aren't even going to go. I still hate the fact it takes so much guts for me to organise things like this. I get people are busy and have commitments but then at the same time it hurts when you see them on social media. Busy my ass.

    2) I have kind of just accepted that I will be alone forever. I'm 23 and struggle with the core basics of friends. I can relate to people but it just feels fake and hollow. It honestly feels like I will just be alone for my entire life now. Most people at this age have their friendship circles sorted. It gives them a sense of value and confidence and from there can make new friends. I'm just here struggling to even do things on a basic level with people I've known for ages.

    3) filling up my time has done nothing. I've been trying to fill my days with things but it's a useless thing to do when nothing seems to be changing in terms of my moods.

    4) I feel entrapped by my moods. Like deep down I want to be free and socialise with new people but I just freeze at the thought of doing anything. I feel more free to post things on the internet and all this but not in real life. Like people are going to judge me.

    Today I am going to this damn movie even if I'm on my own. I don't care anymore tbh. I'm sick of feeling like this. I do all this stuff to fix my life and no one seems to give two sh*ts about it. People are in relationships around me. I'm sick of being told I'm a great guy and all that. That I'm worthwhile. Clearly I'm not. If I was then people wouldn't be leaving me so fast.

    I want to leave this country and go to the USA and study postgrad. But I don't like my chances. If I don't get into that then I might as well give up on life. I can't be bothered with suicide. I have to live for others or else they will cry.

  14. HamSolo01
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    25 July 2017

    to hell with it

    i don't care about this anymore

    I'm going nowhere in life and I have had all these dreams and aspirations and all i get is told off or shut down...

    I don't even know why I'm doing anything in my life atm...

  15. james1
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    25 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    How are you feeling right now?

    It sounds like you've been really frustrated and feeling hopeless in the last day at least, if not longer.

    I hope you don't mind if I just focus on one thing you said: "I feel entrapped by my moods."

    This sounds so familiar to me, and probably a few others here too. When our emotions take control, it can feel very claustrophobic. Like that's all there is in the world.

    The frustrating thing, when looking back in hindsight, is that we can also see how it becomes a cycle that we perpetuate.

    I hope you don't mind me asking this because I don't mean it as a way of telling you off or shutting you down, but just because I want to understand better:

    Do you find making the links between many instances of friends leaving or being alone, and then writing them here, helps you or not?

    I ask because it used to be something that would often lead me down a worse path than if I'd tried to distract myself. I knew the links were there and that I needed to get better at certain things (still do), but if I started pulling more and more examples, it would just really get me down. Kind of like how someone without a limb doesn't need constant reminding that they're missing it. They just know.

    I hope you don't mind me asking and if you don't know the answer, that's okay too. I just think it would help us as well to know how you want us to respond when you are trying to sort these things out for yourself, as there is clearly a lot of history that we don't know about, but which you have lived through.

    James

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  16. BballJ
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    25 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Sorry to read that you are having a tough day... the dwelling on stuff just causes more issues for yourself in reality but I understand cause I do it as well. I want you to understand I know where you are coming from, at your age I struggled with friends and even a girlfriend, I didn't have a friendship circle or really anything, can tell you I have sat home alone on New Years Eve before too, that was damn right upsetting so believe me when I say, I have been there and know the feelings you are feeling. It isn't easy and there isn't any magical piece of advice I have that I wish I could give you that would make it better right now but it does get better and the more you keep trying and meeting new people, you never know who you will click with... I also understand that you freeze when thinking about doing it but you have come such a long way during the course of this post that I think with time you will be able to do it. I encourage you to go back and read some previous posts from a week or so age, you have made so much good progress, don't let this bring you back.

    You will get through this bad day, as that is all it is... a bad day... a little speed bump on your long winding road to recovery.

    How did the movie go? What did you end up seeing?

    My best,

    Jay

  17. Quercus
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    25 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Are you safe? I am worried.

    Please call your psychiatrist and get an appointment. Do you still have a contact for the mental health team that helped you after your last hospital trip? Or call the lines and talk. Or go to one of your parents and talk to them. Please.

    This is a bad day. It will pass. You know this. Just talk it through wherever and however you can. Here also of course but when you get like this I feel like it is safer for you to have someone in your offline world who can physically keep you safe for now.

    Now to your points

    1. It's not your job to save the world. However much you raised is fantastic. And more than I've ever raised for a charity! I am all dreams and too scared to take action. You took action! Do you see how bloody awesome that is?

    2. You are not alone. You have family. You have friends. You have people who love and care for you. The depression blinds you to this. Why are you setting yourself such high expectations? I don't have a circle of friends I have a few close friends who I love. What's wrong with that? I found your age very difficult because people expect you to have the crowd of friends and be busy and have an adventurous life. But it was not my thing. It took me a long time to accept I'd rather be bushwalking with a friend than out with a group of acquaintances. Just be yourself HamSolo01.... Noone wants you to be anything else... Just you.

    More coming....

  18. Quercus
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    25 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    3. Filling up your days. I get this. How about you sit down imagine if you were old and grey and at the end of your life what would you have achieved to feel at peace within yourself? What would make YOU feel that you have lived a worthwhile and happy life? Maybe the things that you're filling your time with are the wrong sort of things for you. For example I could fill my day earning money and putting my kids in daycare but that is not right for me. My value is in my kids not in money.

    So think about it... What kind of things would you feel good about spending your time doing?

    4. Mood. Yeah this sucks. I'm with you here. What has your psychiatrist suggested for your mood swings? Is he planning on reviewing the new one you're on?

    Also... I found for a while I forgot that even without a MI everyone has mood swings and crap days. That yes there is a reason I am on meds but also somedays I just need to kick myself in the butt and say right what's going on in my head right now is shit and I'm going to work it out. I do this by talking to people I trust, writing myself lists or vents on my thread, getting outdoors and working physically, sleeping, listening to music and running... You need to work out some techniques that help you and when these moods hit work through your techniques. Yes it will still suck but I find it helps not to just be stuck in my head with all the self loathing festering.

    Right now the Mum part of me wants to talk... (sorry it has to be done). This HamSolo01 worries me a lot...

    I can't be bothered with suicide. I have to live for others or else they will cry.

    Yes. Your family and friends would cry. Because they love you and would rather you be alive. And I bet your Mum and Dad feel so bloody helpless at not being able to help you and terrified of failing you.

    I would cry. I'm sure James and Jay would cry too. Because we've been where you are at and it is so bloody horrible to go through. And we get it.

    Don't feel guilty for writing that though. I get it. I do. It comes from feeling in pain. And that nothing is helping. And hopelessness. But it is the depression talking! So do whatever you have to do to be safe and go back to the psychiatrist and start again. Make a plan for the next time this happens. What will you do? Write it out in steps. Your saftey plan because these moods keep happening and you keep getting sent away from the hospital so you need a better plan in place.

    Please be safe HamSolo01.

  19. HamSolo01
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    26 July 2017 in reply to Quercus

    hey all

    thanks again for your help

    the hopelessness and frustration can be rather strong at times yeh

    i've also started on the SANE forums too. That's helped a bit.

    I think yesterday I was both stressed out and tired. This inevitably hits my mood.

    I was also nervous about tomorrow's new temp job with teaching esl to korean kids. I got home really late last night because I had a mad rush from the psychiatrist's office to spanish class which i was late for. Felt like i was on autopilot the entire day actually

    Seeing the psychiatrist was coincidental yesterday - had it booked for a month in advance. My meds are going fine. It's just inevitable that I will experience these types of days.

    I mentioned to him that filling up my life with stuff has helped and he pointed out that I still seem to think that I need to be doing things at the age of 23. It's like I'm trying to prove that idea wrong or something. It's definitely useful for it but then I still need to lose it. I'm starting to. What I'm also trying to do is remember all the experiences that I've had in the past several years that have helped (whether they be classes i took, people i met) just whatever comes to mind. Considering I seem to pin my self worth to a lot of THINGS instead of just having self worth., I've begun to noticed that I no longer need to do ANY of that.

    Yesterday on the way home on the train at night I felt overwhelmingly pathetic. But I realised that's just how it is. It's okay to be like that. What's not okay is letting it get me down to a point where I can't do anything. Again I keep telling myself that I am not my past and that I am on the right track - even if it feels vacuous. Eventually it kind of sinks in. So for this esl thing tomorrow, I have my instructions sent through and i just need to whip up a basic plan. It's an easy 900 bucks and it's experience. That's all I need at this point. Says nothing about my self worth. I plan on going in earlier to visit my favourite coffee shop around the corner in the city. I have memories of that place - both good and bad. But I guess that's what makes it feel normal? Idk..

    And also venting on here help me process my emotions. So it might seem like I'm in a dark spot but I need to express it and vent it so that I can process it and figure it out. I've begun to see that's what I need to do.I need to just vent it out and THEN process it. So having input from yous is helpful for that too.

    continues:

  20. james1
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    26 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Thanks Mitch for clarifying. Happy to provide input. I'll wait on your next posts :)

    James

  21. HamSolo01
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    26 July 2017

    life goes on and it's not over yet

    All I can do at this point in my life is gain some experience (Whatever it might be) before i graduate. I believe that this will slowly form a new sense of direction in my life. therefore self worth

    the relationships thing can be solved rather easily - i just need to be happy with my life. Central to that is finding stable work somewhere. It may mean having to settle for odd jobs here and there but so what.. The point is that I can't expect to share unhappiness with someone else. It's funny because this morning i woke up feeling VERY panicy and upset and it dawned on me that i didn't have a gf i could share this stuff with. BUT then i caught myself out and thought about it and wondered what sort of things i would say to my gf if she ever had a similar feeling. I was able to realise from that, that I did indeed know what to say. Re-affirmation basically. In the end I felt better for it - i gave myself a pep talk. I simply asked myself what i would say to my gf if she expressed the same anxieties... and it got me thinking on a positive level of self improvement. It was proof that I can indeed do it. It doesn't need to come from anywhere else. It just has to be real.

    I have group support tonight too so that'll be cool. first time I'm going so idk what to expect but they said it has been successful for people in the past so i guess that is promising.

    i went to the movies yesterday and one of my friends was stuffing about and missed out but i didnt really think too much of it. Can't be bothered. His own stupidity lol. Just saw it with one friend. Saw Dunkirk - you should see it. Was incredibly realistic. Really uplifting too to think that it did happen in the past. True story of grit. Something I needed to see.

    I've accepted my mental health but i just need to endure it.

    Off to the gym now - got a new podcast my psych told me about that focuses on ACT. Really interesting stuff. I guess I have a mind like that so it helps to understand the background to the stuff the psychs get me to do to combat negative moods and negative thought patterns. I'm not only able to stop them but I'm able to originate them and deal with at a root level. A lot of it comes from early childhood and then also my negative experience with religion. That's not a scapegoat. But it's an explanation.

    I'll post some more this arvo

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  22. BballJ
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    26 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Wow, what a turn around from the last day... I knew you would come out of the bad day... once you start thinking and almost take a step back from your emotions, you are very powerful in the way of thinking through things and realising what you are worried about, can and will be fixed with time.

    I really agree with you about the girlfriend thing... the old saying goes you can't love someone unless you love yourself first... or is that a song? either way I think it is true... you have to be totally happy with yourself so you can give 100% of yourself to someone else. I really like what your psych said as well about the need to be doing things or have done things at only age 23, I think that is a good thing to put into perspective that you are still very young and so much life ahead of you and so much more things to experience. You are most definitely on the right track for recovery.

    How did the group therapy sessions go? would be keen to hear your feedback on it.

    My best,

    Jay

  23. james1
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    27 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey Mitch,

    Thanks for sharing that.

    You said something about your psychiatrist pointing out that you felt like you needed to do things, and you feel like your self worth is tied to what you do.

    Being a similar age and having identity issues, I think I get that. I always tell myself I'm "wasting time" or being "unproductive". There's a real fear of getting older and looking back having not achieved anything.

    But like you say, it says nothing about your self worth. We can keep chasing achievements and accomplishments, but they will never satisfy us if we don't just try to be us.

    My happiest moments were not when I got a HD or gave a good speech or got my job or even got into a relationship. My happiest moments are where I've literally just sat down and seen the world - the stars, Uluru, a ferry across Sydney Harbour. There was no achievement - I did nothing - but that was what made those moments great. It was me experiencing life.

    Have you ever had any similar moments where you just forgot about the need to achieve, and did something just because? How did that turn out for you?

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Quercus
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    29 July 2017 in reply to james1

    Hi HamSolo01,

    Just wondering how you are? What was your group session like? How have you been feeling?

    Sorry I seem to have overreacted a bit in my last posts. Hindsight is great huh I found your posts worrying but the joys of misinterpretation hey.

    Hope between these forums, the SANE ones, group therapy and your ACT podcasts you've been feeling a bit better.

    Take care of yourself ok.

  25. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    30 July 2017

    hey quercus its nice to hear from you (did you change your pic?) So did i lol. Still kept the star wars theme though

    Bit of an update for you:

    - I didn't take that ESL job because it was too closely related to a religious group. I found out that religion triggers a lot of my depression and anxiety. Even just being near it and listening to it. I found this out the hard way because the group therapy i went to was actually a religious thing - not overtly, but it did incorporate religion into the therapy model. I had to excuse myself from the group (there were only 3) and I was annoyed/upset that i had travelled to the city for it. I got really depressed afterwards as well. I lashed out. Came home though and it turned out okay. Parents understood

    - I went to another one I had found out about the next day (Thursday night) which was 1000 times better. Had a good amount of people too. Was able to share my experience too. Really insightful and helpful.

    - Uni goes back this week. Last ever. This time I mean that. I guess I am in a bit of a better headspace than I was at the start of the year too. So that might work.

    - Spanish is going okay. I'm really really tempted to give up. I feel like I'm just slipping behind. Even just committing to 10mins a day is hard - even though I have nothing planned.

    - Still haven't done that airport volunteering thing yet. Really upset at myself actually. Tbh I think it's because it's volunteering. If I was paid for it I would do it. I need money more than anything else and work experience.

    - Tutoring is finishing soon because my students will be done with HSC. I applied to a new place and got an email back this morning and expecting one back soon. Also need to apply for a phone job with uni. I have a good phone manner according to my mum.

    The next few weeks will be trying... getting back into uni but it's part time so that's good. I've grown too attached to the place to finish up straight away so doing part time will be a great way to finish i think.

    I still need to finish that book/story I'm planning. I can really only do it at uni because of the mood i get when I'm there. I'm sentimental about things normally so I guess it's just a way of processing what happens.

    Anyway. Thanks for dropping by :)

    Hope you are okay

    1 person found this helpful
  26. BballJ
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    30 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    I just wanted to say well done on the group therapy sessions, you were in one you didn't like due to your personal reasons which is fine and instead of giving up on them completely you went to a different one the next day and it turned out great for you. I must say you have a lot of courage and strength to do group sessions, I doubt I could do that, speak in front of people about how I am feeling but that is a great thing you are able to do and it shows how far along in your recovery you have actually came. Good stuff mate and I do hope you can keep them up. May I ask, what it is that you found so good about them?

    I think going back to Uni will be good for you as well, a good distraction and something to keep you focused on, it will be a little trying just adjusting to it all but you can do it. Hopefully you are able to apply for the phone job at the Uni as well.

    I can't recall you saying you were writing a story, I apologise if I missed it when you wrote it, may I ask what it is about?

    My best,

    Jay

  27. Quercus
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    30 July 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    I have a confession to make... I had no idea those pics were Star Wars related (shame shame!) 😊. I remember as a kid my Mum and her friend always called Chewbacca "Julie" (long story) so that's what I always thought his name was. Yeah you can imagine the looks I used to get until some kind soul decided to correct me 😊.

    The group therapy sounds great (the second one not the religious one). Did you feel comfortable there? That must have taken guts to speak up. Good for you.

    Volunteering vs work. Yeah sometimes I feel guilty for not volunteering. Think it would truly make me feel good but my reality is we need the income too. Maybe you could do once a month just to try something different? Good luck with the phone job though.

    It does feel good to take action and follow them through... That's where I'm at right now too. Wrote out my goals, plan of attack and what I need to achieve day by day. I think that's what I needed. I have ideas but I struggle with following them through. The small achievable steps are good so I don't get anxious and give up. What do you think? Do you do this too?

    Sounds like you have your plate so full though. Did you think about what James wrote about meaningful goals and achievements? I keep wondering who are you trying to impress? You are very hard on yourself I'm not sure if you see that? Its ok to be 23 and be where you are at in life. Noone is perfect and that is absolutely ok.

    I'm 32 and I'm right back at the start again job wise. With less respect than at your age because "I should have my life sorted by now".

    It's taken me a very long time to work out the only person whose opinion matters about where I'm at in life is me. Not my husband, family, friends, society in general... Just me. Yes I value some people's opinions. But this is my life and only I choose what matters to me and what doesn't.

    What are your thoughts on this?

  28. HamSolo01
    HamSolo01 avatar
    820 posts
    1 August 2017 in reply to Quercus

    hey all

    thought i would drop by just for abit of an update

    uni tomorrow (off to bed after i punch this out) and then a phone interview in the arvo for tutoring again.. i think i am beginning to feel like tutoring will be a good idea to pursue.. in the coming months. Just good money and it's easy work.

    The meaningful goals and achievements that you speak of james are good - they don't even need to be goals. Just moments in time even. I've found that they can help. One example is looking to the west when the sun set each day.. there is always a really nice sunset over the hills (live in a hilly area) and it's cool. Early morning is also good too. If I can manage to get up that is.Now that uni is back again I think I might be getting up earlier out of habit, in which case I should try to meet up with my dad at the coffee shop before the day starts.Walking down the main street near uni is also good at night time (brings back all these memories of times I've had on that street so i get nostalgic.. it's really free i find)

    It's true though. The only person whose opinion matters about me is me. Simple.

    Had a seminar online today for a networking group helping people with disabilities. Might get in with it. Have to wait til September

    Anyways. Hope you are well.

    1 person found this helpful
  29. BballJ
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    1 August 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hi HamSolo01,

    I agree with you, I think the tutoring is something you should be doing, you do seem to enjoy it and helping people is always a good thing too. Good luck with the phone interview as well.

    That networking group sounds interesting, what exactly does it entail you to be doing? Not a bad thing that it doesn't start until September, allows you to get the tutoring going and then hopefully can start the group networking.

    My best,

    Jay

  30. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    2972 posts
    2 August 2017 in reply to HamSolo01

    Hey mitch,

    Thanks for the update. Good luck with the tutoring - it definitely is good money.

    I love your moments. Sunsets are amazing. I went to Bath, UK and there's a hill where the YHA is and you can walk up this grassy section rather than the road. From there, there's a lovely vantage point over Bath with its orange stone buildings. So beautiful when the sun sets over the city. And yeah, I love that nostalgic feeling when walking down streets :) I'm now living back in the suburb I grew up in and it's awesome.

    Sounds like you're really trying to put yourself out there a bit and find what you're interested in. That's great :)

    James

    1 person found this helpful

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