Thanks for the chat and suggestions. I understand what you are explaining when you wrote it is hard to become involved in something when you don't feel like it has any value, purpose or sense of worthiness. That is a huge part of my issue.
I know my depression and probably the PTSD is adding to that feeling. I know it will be beneficial if I can find something I can become involved in to feel like I am contributing and making a difference.
Maybe I could find a crochet pattern for beanies for children and make some of those. My knitting is atrocious! Maybe that could be a challenge for me, try to learn to knit and see if I can make a beanie!
I'm currently reading a book called "You're not broken" about PTSD, I have not yet reached the part where the author suggests ways of helping yourself. It does explain PTSD, some of the explanations still confuse me.
I know my work is a trigger with so many people getting angry at me, not listening to what I am saying, discrediting the rules I am trying to recommend they need to adhere to due to Covid-19, and being down right nasty.
Their behaviour really sets off my flight flight freeze reactions. I wish those darn cave dwelling people were able to combat their fears and could have passed down better coping techniques!
I'm not all that good some days in controlling my reactions and actions triggered by past traumas that are re-ignited by people being nasty at me. Some days I really struggle to hold my tongue or to not flee my work place.
I try to tell myself I can be strong and I can cope.
Maybe trying to schedule and plan my days more constructively can be something I work on, starting tomorrow.
Hope you are doing okay Grandy, sorry to read you have been in hospital again. In saying that, I hope people there were supportive and able to help you.
Cheers from Dools