hi Lucy2, welcome to this forum and writing your story.
I can share your grief. My youngest daughter (now 21) yet again walked out of my life for the umpteenth time last night. After many times coming and going then a break for 2 years she asked to be facebook friends 4 weeks ago. All was going ok then whammo- she defriended me. This yo-yo relationship has gone on too far...and worse still communication is zero. I never get to hear the reasons, never get to talk it over, never get to be like adults.
And there's the common ground with you. Adults should rightly chat about things face to face if possible. But snickering blooms especially now a days on social media. So what can be done?
I know of one lady in her 60's that had so much trauma in her own family she withdrew (not completely as that would be unwise for her as it would cause her more sadness) then after a time she became a foster mum. Eventually she cared for a boy and has done for 7 years now. She created her own faithful loving family.
Nothing can erase the pain of the son/daughter/grandchild lost in the cocktail of hurt, misery, revenge or arguements from other family members. We have little choice but to improvise. IMPROVISE is the word. The alternative is to wallow in grief and allow the hurt to go on and on, sometime all our lives. It's not a good idea to let that happen.
You will need, like me, to allow time to elapse. To get to first base. For me this means a half withdrawal from people-but thats me. Then we must be brave and make decisions. Where I think is the ideal situation is to not close the door completely at the same time moving on. My daughter doesnt need to know the details of my thoughts and how far I will now make her distant in my thoughts...as much as possible. I dont need to tell her anything, threaten her, tell her the ramifications of her actions of hurt- she's old enough to know..
All I need to do is find my own happiness because we are only here in this life once. I refuse to allow her or anyone else to spoil this great life of mine.
I've told my daughter in the past- "you have choices in life but remember so does everyone else".
Thankfully I have one daughter (25yo) that is close to me and supportive. When she heard my youngest had contacted m on FB she said "she wouldnt have changed". She was right sadly. But I had to give her a chance.
Everyone has chances Lucy2. We have to make sure, for our own sanity and protection that we dont give them too many...
I will now move on..:(