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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Lesbian. I want a baby. Relationship doubts

Topic: Lesbian. I want a baby. Relationship doubts

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. BooAndBear
    BooAndBear avatar
    1 posts
    27 September 2021

    I have been in a relationship with the same women since my teen years and we are now both reaching closer to 30. We have spoken a lot about having kids together. But I'm not sure if I want a baby with a women anymore.. I think I am scared to be a lesbian parent.

    I sometimes think that if I was to date a man and have a baby, somehow it would be easier.

    I am confused and conflicted.

    We are going through somewhat of a rough patch and I don't know if im causing the problems because of my thoughts or if the problems are the cause of my thoughts. And it's not something I can openly talk to my partner about.

    I don't understand why I feel this way, I love my partner so so much and I always considered myself a proud lesbian,, but the thought of being lesbian parents terrifies me

  2. Learn to Fly
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Learn to Fly avatar
    217 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to BooAndBear

    Hi BooAndBear

    A very warm welcome to the forum and thank you for being so open with us here.

    Everyone has a right to her own thoughts and feelings and in my opinion yours only show the maturity and high levels of sense of responsibility. Making a conscious decision about having a child can be challenging as a responsible person, like yourself, will be able to see lots and lots of things involved in bringing a new life to this world.
    I understand you had mentioned this was not something you could openly discuss with your partner, however, because the topic is so important to both of you and because you seem to be having opposite feelings about, I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with her. Gentle words, expressing your love for her and together trying to go through yours and her feelings, misgivings but also hopes and wishes.

    How would you feel about it?

  3. sbella02
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    sbella02 avatar
    45 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to BooAndBear

    Hi BooAndBear,

    Thank you so much for reaching out, and welcome to our forums! I can see that Learn to Fly has offered you some great advice, I'm here to share my own advice.

    I would firstly recognise what it is that worries you about having a baby. Is it the thought of pregnancy itself, or having an extra person to take care of, is it fear of judgement from others, is it the pressure to be a good parent? It always helps to recognise the cause of your concern.

    Best of luck with your situation. Please don't hesitate to talk to us some more if you'd like!

    Kind regards, SB

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15310 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to BooAndBear

    Hello BooAndBear, and a warm welcome to the site.

    You and your partner both love each other and the discussion about having a relationship with a chap would be distressing for your partner as you've been together since your teens as she could be thinking that she will lose you.

    Secondly, you are not sure how your relationship with a man will go, as you haven't been with one before and add a baby into this equation, not only makes it unsure but distress your girl partner.

    Being a new mum for the first time is hard work, no matter being in a lesbian or a male/female relationship, it's 24/7 365 days a year, but if you don't feel as though you want to be mum in your current situation then copy and paste this, lesbians who want to be a mum who can they to talk to, some information may be helpful.

    Being in your position, you aren't sure whether a relationship with a man will work out, although I'm not a doctor to say, let's talk about it and with your doctor who can discuss your options.


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