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Forums / Staying well / Be kind to yourself

Topic: Be kind to yourself

22 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lookingforpeace
    Lookingforpeace avatar
    79 posts
    16 July 2015

    Hi everyone

    I like to think I am kind to others, and judging by the posts on these forums I know you are all kind people too.

    But often I forget to be kind to myself.

    I didn't go to work today because I'm sick and feel guilty that I'm not at work. Feel bored. Feel lazy.

    But you know what? Sometimes it's ok to sit in your robe all day. Sometimes it's ok to nap, wake up, then nap again! Sometimes it's ok to watch daytime TV.

     I hope you are all kind to yourselves today :)

    17 people found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8756 posts
    16 July 2015 in reply to Lookingforpeace

    Hi Lookingforpeace,

    Thanks for your post!

    I recently took a week off work for my mental health. I knew a day wasn't enough for me! Ha. Ha.

    You are so right. We do need to look after ourselves and try to listen to our minds and bodies and just learn to chill out!

    For me that means having a long soak in the bath and topping up the hot water frequently! Going backt o bed with a cup of tea and a good book. Snoozing when I feel like then reading a bit more before I have another snooze.

    A midday movie is good too. I even watched some of "Days of our lives today" and cracked up laughing. I thought it was all so hilarious and I can't believe that show is still running!

    One of my clients is nearly 90 years old and I assist her in the afternoons. Sometimes she is still in her dressing gown because she can't be bothered getting dressed and feels more comfortable. So yes! We all need to find ways to look after ourselves!

    Cheers to you all from Lauren

     

     

    7 people found this helpful
  3. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    16 July 2015 in reply to Lookingforpeace

    Too right LFP,

    Short story,  I was in the RAAf in 1974 and owned a flash Celica sports car. Left Adelaide enroute to Melbourne for a holiday. Cruised at 140 kph. Passed a car, an Austin a30 commonly called a "baby Austin" as if he was standing still. I refuelled and he passed me so 20 minutes later I passed him. This went on 3 times.

    Approaching Melbourne I broke down and cooked my engine. The A30 stopped. An old man alighted and approached and we had a yarn. I mentioned how I'd passed him 3 times and in an immature way told him how fast I was going and how quick I was getting from A to B. He looked at me and asked me if I needed his help to "get to C"?  I backpedalled my attitude. He then said "even our minds need rest and care let along mechanical machines"

    Our minds cannot keep going at warp speed. Service it with rest and it will keep going.

    Tony WK

    7 people found this helpful
  4. alicat007
    alicat007 avatar
    1 posts
    16 July 2015
    HI EVERYONE
    ALICAT007 I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately.Why is it its always easier to be kind to others but we struggle when we need to be kind to ourselves. maybe its because we might feel that we're being selfish when we do concentrate on taking care of ourselves or putting our needs first.. I guess in my case i was brought up that way. And i need to set new healthier boundaries. That its ok to make sure I'm ok give myself a break ... and treat myself to some me time.Sometimes we might feel we don't deserve it.. but we all do. I think its also connected with our selfworth..
    So I've decided to do a few things that make me feel happy.. and back off from some things that drain my energy n go on Holiday mode.. only do what i feel up to doing.. relax watch movies.. make sure i eat properly n sleep whenever i need to.. Take time to do my nails which i hardly ever do.. Even go to the park with my helper.. 
    I know I've still have a long way to go.. But it feels good to be on the right track. After struggling for so long.. Well this was my first attemp on here i hope its ok... take care everyone n Goodnight..
     
      
    3 people found this helpful
  5. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    17 July 2015

    Hi all!

    Wow, for me that is certainly a tall order! As a single parent with disabled children, the need to do something kind for yourself takes a backseat. I  forget about doing things for myself and if I do get a moment, I usually have no clue what to do anyway lol 

    My great friend on BB pointed  out that I am self sacrificing -  a wonderful  description that I hadn't thought of.

    So baby steps here - being kind to myself - listening to some great music, enjoying my massive coffee consumption and trying not be hard on myself. It's a start!!

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Lookingforpeace
    Lookingforpeace avatar
    79 posts
    17 July 2015 in reply to Indra

    Thanks for your thoughts all :)

    welcome to the forum Alicat. You're right, sometimes it's the simple things. Getting some fresh air and just appreciating it.

    Indra, it certainly sounds like it would be tough for you to find the time (or energy!) to do something nice for yourself. But as a start I think we could benefit from cutting out the negative self-talk. Like Alicat said, it's often easier to be nice to others. 

    What would you say to yourself if you were your friend? Surely you would never say things like "you're selfish, you're a bad person, you're lazy". And yet we find it so easy to say these horrible things to ourselves.

    So my positive self talk for the day is: "You look nice today. You're a hard worker. You're a loving person."

    hope you can all do the same!

    3 people found this helpful
  7. Kennaugh8
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    Kennaugh8 avatar
    23 posts
    20 July 2015 in reply to Indra
    Everything that everyone has said here is spot on! Too often, the one who is always caring for others is the one who actually needs that kindness the most. It is important to have a bit of "me time" and in your case, Indra, a possible solution may be to set aside a small amount of time (I understand you're very busy) each day, if only for 10 minutes just to relax and disconnect for a bit. It can be very difficult to look after someone else when you are unable to care for yourself first. 

    I have recently started doing 15 minutes of meditation each day and found it to be a great help in detoxing and refreshing the mind. Has anyone else used meditation? Was it useful? 

    Chris
  8. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    20 July 2015 in reply to Kennaugh8

    Thank you for the suggestion Chris - now that school holidays have finished I can start to get a little me time back in - I want to get back in to going to the gym and read some of the novels that are calling to me!!

    Cheers Indra

  9. V17
    V17 avatar
    169 posts
    30 October 2016 in reply to Lookingforpeace
    Hi Peace,

    I said "No" to people I love to be kind to myself.
    I don't want to justify my reasons either for not wanting to go out. So I just said 'No". That was really hard to do. Good, though. Right now I am not ready to deal with people.

    V.
    2 people found this helpful
  10. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8756 posts
    30 October 2016 in reply to V17

    Hi Judahlion

    Or do you prefer V? It can be very empowering when we can so to people and stand up for what we need right at that moment.

    I too feel that you don't have to justify your reason to everyone.

    Sometimes an explanation may be required or at least accepted by the other person.

    Hope you are doing okay. Sometimes we all need a break away from people. If you need help and support though, do let someone know.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  11. V17
    V17 avatar
    169 posts
    30 October 2016 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks for the warm welcome Mrs Drools.
    To be honest, I prefer V but when I went to change my display name I couldn't find how. I'll just sign off on V - that's fine. Thanks for asking. It is nice to be seen.
    No, I am not okay. I am waiting for my initial post to get the green light from the modulators. Perhaps I came across as an angry ant? I'm quite the passionate soul. I'm unsure what the go is. Would I receive word if that is the case?
    I'll go back and re-read the compliance side of things in any case and maybe I have to start again. I don't want to stuff up this thread with my babble.

    V.
  12. blondguy
    Life Member
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    blondguy avatar
    11220 posts
    30 October 2016 in reply to V17

    Hey Judahlion

    Posting can be difficult sometimes as per the rules and regs V. I understand the frustration when you are trying to speak your mind. I hope you feel welcome :-)

    I responded to you on your other post from Mrs Dools

    My Best

    Paul

  13. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8756 posts
    30 October 2016 in reply to V17

    Hi V,

    You are more than welcome to keep posting here. I am not sure why your original post has been delayed. I know the moderators do check the posts, sometimes the forum is very busy so that could be the delay.

    Have you happened to see your original post yet? I sometimes get myself a little confused on this forum as I flit from thread to thread.

    Maybe you could try to start another post? I would like to be able to explain to you how you can change your display name, but understanding ways of doing things on the computer is just not me!

    Hopefully someone else will respond to this thread and will be able to help you. Paul might now, I will ask him.

    Sometimes there are glitches in the system, hopefully you will have your own thread recognised soon.

    Welcome once more to the community here at Beyond Blue on this forum.

    Cheers again from Mrs. Dools

  14. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8756 posts
    30 October 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    Hope you are travelling okay.

    If you see this message, can you please explain to V (Judhalion) how it is possible to change our user names here. I have no idea at all how to do that. I have to ask Christopher Banks to help me or my husband!

    Thanks, cheers to you from me.

  15. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8756 posts
    28 May 2017 in reply to Doolhof

    BEING KIND TO MYSELF

    Some days I do this well, others days I'm not so good at it.

    This morning I went off to Church and really listened to what was being said. I felt comforted and encouraged. For others I know you find your sense and peace in different ways, we all need to find what works for us.

    Today I'm going to try and give my soul some peace.

    Later on I am going to stew some apples, make some lemon butter and enjoy the aromas from the kitchen. I have lit the wood fire so the house heats up and will feel nice and cosy.

    In the afternoon I may have a snooze in front of the T.V. or sit there and relax with my crochet.

    I'm going to try to take it easy on myself today. Strange how self care does not come naturally to us all.

    Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  16. JPH68
    JPH68 avatar
    2 posts
    30 June 2017
    I have been running on empty for too long but thankfully reading comments here and elsewhere, I realise it is not selfish to spend time on me - it is actually essential for my survival. I recently started swimming again - fortunate to have access to indoor heated pool. I find doing the laps up and down soothing (except for getting puffed!), my mind can zone out or sometimes I do a bit of problem-solving. Have also started taking time out for more walks on the beach and devoting time at sunrise to prepare for the day ahead & at sunset to reflect on what went well & not-so-well and let go of the busy-ness of the day so that I may sleep a little better. Thank you for listening.
  17. Clementinee
    Clementinee avatar
    2 posts
    14 July 2017

    Hi Everyone,

    It was interesting to read all the replies and I am new to the forums. What do you do, when you do the things needed for self hep, like going to gym or treating yourself to food or saying no to work so that you can relax?

    What do you do for those days where it is just too hard to feel ok? or those stretch of days where your "self help" of just going to work and coming home to do nothing just ends up you procrastinating on everything because you can't gather the energy for anything? (while other days you are as positive as can be?)

    Thanks x

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Lost4eva
    Lost4eva avatar
    25 posts
    14 August 2018 in reply to Clementinee
    For me, there are some days when it is all just too hard. I cannot get motivated. But I accept that - because tomorrow will be a better day. When I am having one of those days, I make my life as easy as it can be and I try to have a few people around me - who are accepting that I'm just not in the mood. Just having their presence in the same room as me can make a difference. I try not to feel guilty about it - it is the way it is. I always try to focus on tomorrow being a new day.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Suet suet
    Suet suet  avatar
    39 posts
    3 September 2018 in reply to Lookingforpeace

    Thank you for the post. It has really brightened my day!

    Don’t know why we are often so kind to others but forget that we need to be kind to ourselves! It is so simple but we often forget!

    thanks for sharing and reminding us!

    3 people found this helpful
  20. Proud Dad
    Proud Dad avatar
    7 posts
    7 September 2018
    I struggle with being to hard on myself as well, especially when I have done something wrong. Every time I do something wrong I always wish I could have a "do over" and then I ruminate on it. My wife asked me the other day, "How would you treat someone else who had done the same thing?" ...honestly, I be kind and try to help them and then I wouldn't give it a second thought. She said, "Treat yourself the same way". I also heard someone say, "Treat yourself like you would treat one of your children". It's taking a lot of work, but I found this helpful to begin changing my mindset about how I treat and forgive myself.
    5 people found this helpful
  21. Clive Beedle
    Clive Beedle avatar
    1 posts
    23 January 2019
    The kindest thing one can do for themselves is not expose themselves to the toxic trauma of life.

    Existence itself is an abuse of a mortal consciousness.

    There is no dignity in trying to make the "best of a bad situation" for a few more years. No one will give you a prize for "sticking it out".
  22. SilvaLady
    SilvaLady avatar
    70 posts
    24 October 2019 in reply to Lookingforpeace

    Hello,

    I found this thread and I found that some comments I can relate to. I was recently in a shop and I overheard a staff member calling herself stupid. I do this to myself. So I told her that she wasn't stupid and that she shouldn't tell herself that. It reminded me not to call myself stupid, as I know that I'm not stupid. She was taken aback a little bit, but she seemed okay with my comment and was appreciative.

    I hope everybody here are being to themselves.

    Cheers

    SilvaLady

    2 people found this helpful

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