Dear Guest_4593~

Maybe I can relate a little. I was in a demanding job (police not hospital) and I felt more and more the world was hemming me in. Regulations at work, family responsibilities, suffering (at that stage) depression and anxiety.

Depression took over my thoughts, without my realizing it. I found that I was focusing on a tiny part of the world, where I had no movement, all rules, all problems, no solutions and all mainly because of my defects. While I never went down the self-harm path I became suicidal. The world held no options and was chock full of people that relied on me, or had expectations.

No solution. I attempted to take my life more than once, though fortunately things did not go as planned. I did ring a crisis line at one stage and ended up feeling sorry for the person who was really trying every method laid down (at that time that is, it was a long time ago) and getting nowhere with me.

It took a long time and a complete life change for me to eventually see how narrow my world had became - rather more than just a surprise.

I am pretty certain it was opening up to somone I trusted was the first step, and from then on luck in the shape of sensible doctors, meds, therapy and time.

I know you cannot talk to your mother, or probably any other member of your family, and you - like I did- wear the "I'm OK" mask. Saves hassles, but is bad for the wearer, after all if you have to hide your true self not only is that exhausting, but it seems to mean you are in some way unworthy and have to hide.

All rubbish of course

So do you have a workmate, friend or anyone else you can simply tell how you feel. No explanations, just the facts. No expectation they can do anything except use their ears and make you fell somone in the world does care. Tell them that at the start, it will stop them from trying to "fix" with silly suggestions and just be there.

Croix

It's pretty stressful at the moment, it's like one little thing can make the balance out, we grt used to a new normal, and then the ground is taken out from us again,

In terms of coping,

My gp is central to me keeping afloat

So is Lifeline, tbh, I use helplines and have found some good services

I hate myself sometimes for calling so often, for not being well on my own, which I know some ppl have written they also feel at times

I think we are worth it and need to advocate really hard, hard than ever, to get help in today's uncertain world

My gps receptionist when j came to book appointments was counselling me when I was so upset he was booked out...

They all are, so she said, uncertain times,

It's so true, but I'm judt learning to lean in to it, which helps me.

Like these are new times, no doubt about it, so I have to myself find new coping techniques

For me it's volunteering

Trying new classes

Journalling and writing as much as I can

Reconnecting to friends and trying to organise walks or shopping trips together

Saying yes to new things

Going to different coffee shops

Going to places I haven't been before

Being assertive in asking my care team for what I want and need, and seeing how that feels.

I'm sorry you're feeling unwell Guest_4593. Know that there is help out there if you are willing to take that leap of faith to trust in another person. I am not suicidal but quite the opposite. My anxiety and depression is triggered because I want so much to live. I love my family, I want to contribute to society but because I have several co-morbidies to COVID, this pandemic has instilled a fear that I have not been able to overcome. I've likened it to having a phobia of snakes and COVID being the snakes, chances are I could get very sick or die from it. I'm so scared to leave the house because I don't want to get sick or die. I'm literally under voluntary house arrest since early 2020 because I'm too afraid to leave the home.

My anxiety and depression was further exasperated when my employer was forcing me to come into the office. They made me feel like I was inadequate, they belittled and bullied me. I went from a star employee to having no career prospects after refusing to work in the office. I was a complete wreck because I had to choose between risking my life to keep my job or go into financial difficulties if I resigned.

To work from home I needed a doctor to complete a ridiculous agreement refuting my employers decision that it was safe to work in the office. The wording was very biased and misleading

That was when I broke down and I first spoke to someone about my mental wellbeing. I was immediately put on stress leave because the doctor recognised I was in no state to work. We made a commitment to schedule some follow up consultations. At first it was very hard for me to accept that I had a mental illness and ask for help. I had always been a high achiever, someone that is calm, logical and adept at dealing with high pressure situations.

Since speaking to my doctor, I felt a huge rock has been shifted off my shoulders. I've just started seeing a psychologist. I know I've got a long way yet to get better, but my point is, there is help out there if you're willing to allow someone to hear your story, allow someone to help you. I would suggest seeking professional help, a doctor, a social worker, a psychologist, the moderator has some helpful links for you to try, trust in these health professionals, they are trained to help you. If you find one doesn't suit you, try another one it's best to find a practitioner that you feel comfortable with. Don't give up! There's so much to live for! Praying that COVID would get lost!

Dear Sleepy~

I'd not envy that receptionist, it must be a common occurrence, and I"m sorry one of your mainstays is hard to reach.

That being said I'm most impressed wiht that list of coping mechanisms, I'm sure they have a positive effect and if you get down at times, I''d be pretty certain they would happen less often due to them.

There are good helplines out there and they make a huge difference. They are there for all, and your use of them shows wisdom

Croix

Dear BunnyRabbit~

Thank you for supporting Sleepy21, it shows a kind nature.

I'm in much the same physical shape as you, with one pulmonary and one other issue that means in effect I'd have less chance of pulling though a bout of Covid than a healthy person.

Of course this has lead to voluntary isolation, though not to your extent. I go out for necessities and leave it at that.

I can well imagine that an absolute ban on going out for such a long time may well have affected your mental health and I'm very glad you have taken sensible steps and are finding some relief. Hopefully the medical professionals do 'click' with you and you do not have to follow your advice and look to another.

As far as a medical certificate is concerned, I'm not sure any employer can go against the opinion of a medical practitioner simply because a form was not filled in. Simple travel to and from work is an aspect with which no employer can offer any guarantees of safety, and once in the workplace accidents do happen even in the best designed of places.

May I ask if your doctor is cooperative about this?

Croix

I have to admit it has been very hard trying to live with COVID, more so trying not to die from COVID would probably describe it better.

Initially (before vaccines) my doctor was sympathetic and wrote a supporting letter for me to work from home but that was reviewed every three months by my employer. (Miraculously my employer thinks serious chronic diseases go away in three months, if only that were true), but that was the rules so I had to get my doctor to write a supporting letter every three months and get her to refute this ridiculous agreement that bleats on about the workplace being safe. Such as hand sanitizers are provided and we sit (approximately) 1.5m away from each other. Notwithstanding that once seated, you do not need to wear a mask, so I guess my employer didn't read the memo about COVID being airbourne.

After I got my two jabs, I felt a little more confident to go out and with case numbers low in Brisbane, my doctor did not support working from home full time. So I had to go back to the office for a few months which I had good and bad days because eventhough the case numbers were low, you're still playing Russian Roulette with your life just to put a roof over your head. I had to catch a bus to work and there was no such thing as social distancing, we were all crammed in elbow to elbow with each other.

After Christmas that was when the (bleep) hit the fan with Omicron. Come boxing day I came down with severe chest pain, shortness of breath, diahorea, dry cough, nausea and went straight to hospital. I was thrown straight into the COVID ward and hooked with wires, cables, etc. I thought to myself well I tried my best and it's just my fate but low and behold it was just a stomach virus. PCR test came back negative. My chest pain was stabilised and I was sent home eventhough I was feeling very sick from the stomach virus because they needed the bed for COVID patient backlog.

For six weeks I battled this horrid stomach virus because my immune system is so poor, it was a struggle. I had my hospital bag packed several times because the dehydration and fatigue was causing so many other problems. When I called the doctors, they were all so flustered because I had to pick the peak of Omicron to get sick. I was desperate to get help but even doctors were telling me to stay away from hospitals at that time because I would probably end up with COVID. Thankfully things finally took a turn for better mid Feb and feeling better.

Thanks Croix,

How are you finding these times?

Re booked out drs, there was a segment on abc news last night about the osychiatrist shortage. There was a 21 year old guy sharing how hard it was to get in anywhere with osychs booked out.

Ur right the receptionists but also have to tell ppl all the time....sorry, we can't help you....

I was speaking to my Dr about how when I wanted a psych they were all telling me their books are closed

I reckon I'd advise ppl, regardless, to persist, call every week,,or try and get Ur Dr to convince them to accept u

It's so scary and completive out there currently

On the abc segment trainee psychs said they want to get out ther and help but there's a lot of difficulties for the, right now to get qualified,

Sad state of affairs.

I did that....book as advance as possible...it's the only way

Hi pandemics, how are u keeping?

I thought of u as I read about some confidential phone line for zupport for medical professionals.

Still sounds fraught, though,

Weird feeling, but I don't want to take off my mail

Hate change, and am used to it now.

These times have tested my friendships

I had a few acquaintances who I drifted from during the pandemic

I think it was judt too much effort

It's hard when u live far, and in Melbourne we had the 5k and curfew rules, and although that's past, over that time I developed patterns, selective places I'd go, and faraway friends became more and more not in my life

I wander how covid impacts our families, friendships and relationships

I wander if it made us closer to some ppll and more distant to orhers

My former work friend, never spoke to.

My friends from hospital and psych ward, no contact

And yet my neighbours, and ppl in my 5k radiance, became closer friends.

Hello everyone;

This thread has been pretty quiet for a while and these challenging times by covid responses n rules continue. I feel perhaps we are all (not just us bb ppl, but most in Oz) just so exhausted and depleted by it for 2yrs. As has been talked about for so long - this new normal Well i think it has been abused by ppl putting in place things where u can't have f2f with dr or psych or specialist. I know it is worse in some other places, but here Adel for 4 months cannot attend f2f only over screen. It is crap. Absolute crap. Even with all doing right thing and signing in, sanitizing, wearing mask, distancing. Still not afforded to see your team f2f. What about mh and other conditions besides covid. And it is not a true needed thing because some ppl are still practising as f2f, with all the precautions obviously. But they are valuing the importance of seeing their patients. Eg of differences are dentists, physios, psychs etc etc. Well i have had enough of 4 months of subpar care. Mh is worst ever and largely because of this. My team were the only ppl i would see in my life. 4 months of no talking to f2f. And over difficult xmas nye time too. With no end in sight. They are just continuing this way and milking it for all they can. My mh needs and deserves better. My physical health too. So i will no longer support those who will not see me f2f. I am worth more than that. We all are. We all deserve to be seen if we wish for that. & not all these inconsistencies and hiding behind it blaming it on covid when it is just how they are wanting to work now. I will see ppl who want to work with me f2f. It has mucked so much up; as you say Sleeps for our friendships too. I hope to stay strong in standing up for my rights. I hope everyone stays strong too.

Hi Golden and everyone

I hope u find some ppl who will see u face to face

I find it hard to understand how ppl take medications etc without face to face consult...it's worth pushing for I think.

I see f2f and it means so much to me.

I think human connection is breaking apart and it's causing so much pain.

Thanks Sleepy. There are some out there who will do f2f; but it just means starting all over again. It is hardest for psych, I've built a rship over last couple yrs and been vulnerable opening up; especially hard with trust issues and been let down in past.. only to have it taken from me because she wants to do telehealth only now. Telehealth makes my mh worse. Have told her this and doesn't care. So what a waste and of my trust and investment to get better. It doesn't make sense a psych would do this. But it goes to show, it never was about getting me better but her pay cheque. And so proving i can't trust ppl will only be let down.

Really glad u have f2f Sleepy. I get that it would mean a lot to you for sure. For me it is about so much more than just attending the apt. It can make my day better, more hope, treat self better etc it snowballs in a good way :)

Yes, society is broken down and we seem to go from bad to worse. I cannot watch any news at the moment. There is so much more than just covid. Being shut out of f2f services means ppl rely more on their family unit. When we don't have that family, or that apt contact life is unbelievably hard. Everybody needs to have someone care about them.  Life these last 2yrs has been cruel. 

Its certainly been a tough couple of years. I'm sorry your psychologist is only doing telehealth. My gp is also only doing telehealth too and it is really difficult at times to show her what's wrong with me.

I think many medical practitioners in general are doing telehealth at the moment. My mother's appointment with the cardiologist was rescheduled as a telehealth consultation too.

I can only imagine how difficult it is to fully open up to your psychologist if you're not comfortable with telehealth. Especially if the psychologist is a major support person for your mental wellbeing.

I do hope you will find a solution soon.

Hello all,

Telehealth sure is difficult. I managed to get Face Time working last Wednesday, 2nd time I've done that with my PDr, while all other telehealth has been as a usual phone call, while he has not seen patients face to face.

I know he is not asking for me to make face time calls work to spite me. He & his colleague - it's a small practice, have many patients & are doing their utmost to keep us all COVID free. It's not just his practice, either.If I was visiting him, I need trasnport, a driver, (whether taxi, bus, or with my helper). & therefore putting them at risk.

& that's even if I could wear a mask.

It's not easy; I find I do feel I am more closely observed, than I did when I first met him in his room. Gradually I felt more comfortable. Trust is also a big issue for me. I have to trust that he isn't scrutinising me, as if looking to see all my faults, or to identify my vulnerabilities to exploit them - indeed, I am physically safer using telehealth.

& he said he could only (most of the time) see my right ear - because, with my poor vision, I can't tell what he's seeing. I had to ask! & I can't see him anyway.

We will work through it. 😸We uncovered something I haven't directly addressed much over the years: my discomfort with people looking at me, thinking they may be assessing & negatively judging me, looking for faults & weakness, stuff like that.

There's pros & cons to using telehealth. & I can't imagine it is a picnic for any health workers.

I am very much in favour of trying to make this work, before even thinking of trying to find someone else, someone who would see people face to face. That is a most uncomfortable idea for me!

I wonder, how far away from my phone can I sit & still be clearly heard while using Face Time? If it was further away, he'd be seeing more & I'd have less screen brightness in my view. (But he may also see more of my room, things, in the background...ooo I dunno!)

mmMekitty

Hi mm mekitty, whatever works for u. It's ok for ppl to vent about telehealth, if u like it that's fine but people's feelings are valid.

It is hard to find f2f people but for me it's worth it.

How odd I had a specialist appointment 2 weeks ago on telehealth, f2f not offered

2 weeks later for follow up, f2f encouraged.

It's sad that I don't much grt a say , and just do what they do.

I encourage ppl to speak up and ask for their needs, maybe f2f could be offered if we state our needs, some definitely do it

I've seen gp, psychiatrists, and psychologists f2f over 2 years and avoided zooms...it is my mh and I need it so much,

Hello I note that when ever ppl vent someone will come and defend healthcare workers

This is a safe space for ppl who are mad, vulnerable, struggling, alone

I hate telehealth

It's more the timing that ppl feel the need to defend the healthcare system

How it impacts rhe most vulnerable, is always my concern

I don't feel Safe on these forums.

Starting over is so hard, after u found someone, I'm so sorry for the loss of that safety and trust, something we all deserve

I happened to start seeing a psychiatrist who is very much for f2f.

I think we may need it, even just on occasion...I am so sorry the person u saw didn't care.

Sometimes it feels they do what suits them, and male excuses.

In this case, for me, it is a signal to run.

I like going and seeing my psych an look forward

It's his outfits, his mannerisms

His vibe, my vibe, the office, the air-conditioning, the comments about the weather, human NESS.

I know it's hard to start over and an awful distressing point to face, and I'm so sorry x

Don't go quiet, this forum is a safe space to talk about how you're feeling. There hasn't been as much conversation as I hoped since I recently joined but for the number of comments I have read, I feel everyone has their valid points and all contributions are valued.

It's been a very tough couple of years. I've pretty much been under voluntary house arrest since COVID. I personally prefer f2f consultations myself but in light of me having several co-morbidies I've had to settle with telehealth to limit the risks of getting COVID. And I have to say, telehealth is very difficult when trying to describe what is wrong to your medical practitioner. My GP likened it to trying to guess what underwear you are wearing by description, when I was trying to describe my pain in my abdomen when I had a stomach virus, btw I have no anatomy concept. Our first video consult, we spent 40 mins trying to get the dang thing working. Either I couldn't hear her or she couldn't hear me. We finally got it working but not gonna lie, it was a pain. The flip side is if they get sick, we wouldn't even be able to speak to them at all, so we try our best and that's all we can do.

As you mentioned, it's not just the f2f contact with the doctor/psychologist but also the contact with other patients waiting in the medical practice, the bus or Uber ride.

I can see you were trying to comfort, Golden in your own way but I think, and this is my personal thoughts only, there may be other issues for Golden, such as the lost trust and rapport Golden may be feeling. I think if I was Golden, I'd be feeling pretty hurt and helpless bc over the years, your psychologist is supposed to help you, and when you're reaching out for help and they don't seem to care, that would certainly make me feel hurt and helpless.

I'm not sure what Golden will do because it's a really tough decision, either stick it out and not be able to completely get the help you need, or bite the bullet and start again.

I can only hope whatever Golden decides will be something that can have a positive outcome despite the tough decision Golden needs to make.

Please don't go quiet, forums are no different to telehealth in that sometimes what you say, isn't received in the way you intended because the audience cannot see your expression or you cannot elaborate if there is a misunderstanding.

Stay well and safe!

Hi bunny rabbit,

Sorry to hear you have been house bound too and would also prefer f2f. It is really hard.. i am sorry. Thank you for your empathy - u pretty much summed up how it is for me. The broken trust; the risk of starting again with a stranger. The energy this takes. It is very tough. I know though for my mh i cannot endlessly do telehealth. Seriously considering quitting altogether and just try do healing myself.. maybe just with gp and self help and helplines. I have had no real help with psychs over the years. This latest situation may be the final straw. I don't know. I hope things improve where you are so that u can resume f2f. Kind wishes to you and everyone.

It’s been almost 2 years of living with this,

I find that I can’t remember how to drive any more.

I am still scared to go out. Even shopping for groceries is hard. I still wear a mask. That helps with my an anxiety.

I likened it to being released from detention, except that I don’t feel free.

Hi Golden

Thank you for not going quiet ☺️ it's good to hear from you. I truely hope we can find a way out of 'COVID Safe' measures.

I'm really sick of telehealth (unless all I need is a script refill).

I'm not sure if I can do without my Psychologist. I've got so many things I need to work through. Mainly pandemic fatigue...

I'm sick of being held to ransome in the confines of my own home. I'm sick of being overlooked for any career advancements because I need to work from home. Just because I'm vulnerable to COVID doesn't mean I am less capable to do my job. (I have a desk job that can be fully performed remotely), but managers seem to have it in their heads that if you're not in the office, you're not working.

I miss seeing my family, especially my elderly mother, cooking together, watching movie together, going shopping together (I know she is very lonely and isolated too because all the children and grandchildren and friends stay away in case we pass on COVID to her).

I miss going for walks and returning a smile at people when I see them smile at me as they walk past. I miss spending the whole day browsing through my favourite shops instead of only leaving the house to do a mad dash for essential items.

I miss going to the gym with my niece every night thinking the lousy workout warrants a megasized Slurpee as a reward afterwards. I miss calling up friends to catch up over a coffee or a meal. I miss not having a panic attack everytime someone either sneezes or coughs around me.

I miss travelling, sightseeing, visiting different countries, trying different cuisines, visiting family overseas.

I generally just miss the wonderful pre-COVID lifestyle that I once took for granted. Praying that I can find a way out of this COVID mess, but in the meantime, I'm going to need my psychologist to keep me grounded. Someone with a voice of reason to ensure when my anxiety and panic sets in, a way to cope.

This forum has helped me feel a bit better that there is an outlet to talk about how we are feeling, coping or not coping with COVID situation.

I feel the same way too! In fact I haven't driven a car since COVID started. My hubby does all the grocery runs and anything related to outdoors. I only go out, if I must (i.e. medical appointments or when my delivery guy doesn't bother delivering but immediately cards my parcel for collection at the post office 🙃).

I was just talking to hubby the other day and said, I don't know if I can still drive the car, it's been so long.

I still wear a mask going outside too, I don't think I'll be taking it off even though most people have. At work they're talking about back to office. This causes me great anxiety and stress because we don't need to wear masks, but only last week we had a confirmed case of COVID in the office. It's pretty much everywhere and I struggle with the thought that I will eventually have to find a way to 'live with COVID'.

You're right, the mask does help with anxiety a bit, emphasising 'a bit'. I'm struggling with the thought of 'how long am I going to keep shielding?' I don't want to be doing this forever.

It might get to a point where I need to learn to accept 'some' risks and learn to cope with anxiety. I'm not sure how but I can't see COVID going away in the near future. It very hard because of the uncertainty and we as humans are very good at worrying about worst case scenario.

I feel like there will be a different class of people, the vulnerable cohort that is disconnected from society because of fear and anxiety.

I think it's going to change society too, grandparents are over represented in this group, grandchildren are seeing less of their grandparents because they want to keep the grandparents protected. Children will have that exposure to caring for the elderly. Learning empathy, patience and vulnerability that they would have when spending time with their grandparents.

As always, I hope we find a way out of this mess soon. We've had pandemics before, such as the Spanish flu, and we managed to get rid of it. Let's hope COVID will be a distant thing of the past and we can talk about it to our future generations about how we survived.

Stay well and safe!

I am actually working from my office alone today. First time in many months. My home internet is playing up, so I was forced to go to office.

I was driven in and locked the front door. I don’t need or want to deal with anyone face to face.

I have the radio playing music and I am getting through paperwork.

I am in Melbourne so things are still quiet. The neighbouring businesses are still all closed or they’ve moved out.

later I will be picked up and driven home. I am taking it one day at a time.