Hi Quirkywords & Smallwolf,
Anyone raised to say 'yes' whenever asked to do something? I was. Saying 'no' was not an option, nor was being unsure if I should or not, just say 'yes' & start moving.
I also didn't learn there were boundaries, That I could set any would have seemed like science fiction. I had to learn the hard way that I could say 'no' because doing otherwise would have been too dangerous. For a long time, being uncomfortable didn't matter, not enjoying what was asked didn't matter, caring for myself & my safety first wasn't even an idea, let alone an acceptable consideration. & all the while, I'm supposed to smile.
Even things like, if there is an extra biscuit, I, & my sibs, were supposed to ask if anyone else wanted it, first.It does go back to the manners we were taught from our youngest years. I distinctly recall being asked if I had asked if anyone else had wanted the last 'cookie' (being in USA back thetn).
We first learned how to be subserviant to our parents, or whoever raised us, then our teachers,& other adults all around, as our world grew,it seems more people could tell us what to do. We were continually told to do what we were told, without consideration for how we felt.
How else might have I reacted but to think my interests, feelings, thoughts, likes & dislikes, wants, even needs, didn't matter, so I didn't matter either.
It is a struggle every time I have to ask for something for myself. & still I do not feel comfortable with having done so, & getting what I had asked for. I continue to feel I don't deserve it.
I wouldn't call myself a 'people pleaser', because I don't do what I was asked or told to do because I wanted them to feel good, & be pleased with me, but instead, I don't want to get into trouble, & to keep them from getting angry at me, or thinking I was selfish - I am avoiding the negative assessment of me & my character by saying 'yes.'.