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Forums / Staying well / Inlaws- coping with rejection

Topic: Inlaws- coping with rejection

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9216 posts
    20 May 2019

    The topic of inlaws comes up regularly here. In most such posts it refers to the poster being the new addition to the family by marriage.

    Common problems arise including you are not good enough to marry their daughter or son. Jealousy that you are taking attention off a sibling of your partner or, in some cases pure prevention of a warm welcome.

    But these problems are often compounded by our own expectations. As a partner to a person we automatically assume that our partners happiness in finding you as a mate would download to his/hers family being content - not so.

    In 1984 I met my first wife. She was the youngest of 5 children. 3 of her siblings were engaged to be married. My fiance and I decided on a wedding date and this upset her oldest brother and his fiance, their justification was that he was the eldest, so he should marry first which was ludicrous. The more likely reason was he was the first born and his parents favourite child and for the first time, the limelight was taken away. His fiance embarked on a demonising campaign that forever harmed the siblings relationships

    My actions following that was to drift away. I still encouraged my wife to attend family get togethers but I rarely attended. I reminded her that I married her, not her family.

    How far do our obligations extend? Well I'm of the view that you can remain civil but elusive, you can be evasive but dont ignore. If effort to get to know you isnt returned you are powerless to remedy that unless you keep trying and keep getting disappointed.

    What do you think?

    TonyWK

  2. MummaPetal
    MummaPetal avatar
    29 posts
    21 June 2019 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    I think it's important to first protect your own well-being. If you are constantly being rejected by your inlaws, then it will do you more harm than good trying to constantly have a relationship with them if they won't reciprocate.

    You can be the better person by chatting with them at any family functions that you must attend to support your wife. You could chat to people with your wife as a united front. When you leave the function, leave any thoughts or feelings about the people there. Don't let anything stick to bring home with you. I know it isn't easy because I have a strained relationship with my inlaws.

    I wish you all the best.

    MummaPetal

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9216 posts
    21 June 2019 in reply to MummaPetal

    Thanks MP

    Yes, leaving the inlaws event, leave the topic there

    Good advice

    TonyWK

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