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Forums / Staying well / This bipolar life

Topic: This bipolar life

  1. Airies
    Airies avatar
    1066 posts
    12 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kazz,

    your garden sounds idyllic. It's great theraphy I think. You know a water feature is very therapeutic as well. Yeah I know without those meds I'd be a mess and have been even when medicated so it's been a combination of a lot of things that's keeping me well.

    im pretty stuffed when I overdo the excercise thing. Its takes days to recover. Going to bed at 4 in the arvo. Struggle with moderation but I'm learning. You makes lots of sense.i know what it's like to feel out of kilter. A stranger in the crowd that sort of thing. I'm managing and managing to stay out of hospital and having those dark dark thoughts and I don't want to go back there.

    so what have you planted in your cottage garden. I imagine the conditions in Canberra must be favourable though you have snow on those hills. I'm a Bunnings fan as well.

    My garden is full of Native plants. I'm starting a couple of veggie patches. Very sandy soil down here but lots of horse poo and mushroom compost and time will fix that. I've also dabbling into vermiculture or worm farming so turning into a real greenie. Plan to grow some of the weird varieties and old fashioned veggies out there.Being bipolar we always do things differently lol.its good to string more and more periods of for want of a better word normality. I know I will never be normal again but then again I never was.

    My diagnosis, the right meds, family and medical support and not throwing the towel in have made me what I am today. Self care is a big thing and a continual learning process,

    glad you are here and doing well:)

    cheers Len

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  2. Guest_322
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    1660 posts
    12 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Hi Kaz, Tony, MallowPuff & Igbran,

    Happy belated New Year to one and all!

    First things first, in case you didn't know, I don't have bipolar so my advice or insight is extremely lacking. I just sometimes pop in to chat and offer encouragement- I hope you guys don't mind. I'm personally more familiar with bipolar's sibing illness, the black dog, than bipolar itself.

    MallowPuff and Igbran, you both sound on track. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to trivialise anything that you're going through. In saying that, you both seem to be taking a proactive approach in managing the bipolar, which can only be a good thing. Besides, you have Kaz here who can share her lived experience with you guys.

    Take care!

    Dottie x

  3. Kazzl
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    12 January 2017 in reply to Airies

    Hiya Dottie, you are always welcome here sweet pea! I love your cheery visits. How are you?

    Len - I wish I'd written this:

    My diagnosis, the right meds, family and medical support and not throwing the towel in have made me what I am today. Self care is a big thing and a continual learning process.

    Nailed it my friend.

    Your gardening sounds great - you're far more advanced than I am. Once I get all my gardens established I want to learn about worm farming, composting etc. I have a large area marked out for a veggie garden, so I'm hoping to eventually grow lots. There's nothing quite as good as homegrown veggies. I have another area marked out for fruit trees too, so I'll need to learn about managing them and keeping the birdies off when they're fruiting.

    My cottage garden sort of encircles the front yard, with a path through to the front porch. It is now full of roses, lavendars, dianthus, dahlias, carnations, a magnolia, margurite daisies, african daisies, penestmons, petunias, verbena and other pretty things I don't know the names of (Bunnings $2 pots). Makes me happier than happy to see them, water them, talk to them (yes I do).

    Couldn't have done any of it without my fella - he did all the stone wall building, shifting dirt, levelling, building the path etc. I just chose the plants and did the planting (what he calls 'lady gardening' haha). The last thing we'll need to do is lay turf on the large area in the middle, but we won't do that until it's cooler, probably March. It's been a wonderful project to do together while I'm not working.

    Next week we start on the back yard - a massive task with lots of ground work involved. Eventually it will be lawn, trees (already have some beautiful mature autumn trees) and evergreen shrubs and a pebble path to the veggie garden. I think of it as our park (It's quite large for a suburban block).

    Are you still awake? Haha. Sorry, I do love a chance to rabbit on about my garden. Plants are my favourite people, present company excepted of course.

    Cheers mate, hope you have a good day.

    Kaz

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  4. Guest_322
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    1660 posts
    12 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kaz,

    Thank you! Your garden sounds very lush and I love the line "Plants are my favourite people, present company excluded" ha, ha. I have the blues/greys (of whatever colour fits) but your plant talk made me smile.

    May your suburban garden paradise continue to bloom and I hope you have a good chat with the plants today. Say hi to the African daisies for me please. Hmm...maybe I should get some (small) pot plants for my room.

    Dottie x

  5. MallowPuff
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    67 posts
    13 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hey Kaz,

    Thanks for taking the time to write that response. Have read it a couple of times now to help it sink in, and it all sounds like good advice.

    Acceptance, maybe, although I'm still wary of my diagnosis. Mild Bipolar, high functioning? Or just a messed up guy who went off the rails in a high stress environment, making bad life decisions? So I guess that's a no to acceptance at the moment.... sometimes I want to tell everyone, to help others understand why I'm so hot or cold, why I'm excited and highly motivated, or why I'm withdrawn and not present, and sometimes I don't believe the diagnosis.

    Self awareness, this is a new journey. I thought I knew it all, who I was, how I was feeling, in control, self aware. But that became totally scrambled and part of the delusional me. Now I wonder who the heck I am, what is normal me, what happened to the past Mallow. I feel I've changed, feel like I've sort of grown up, no longer naive, now more aware, but learning to understand myself again from scratch.

    Your comments about the 'dailyness' of bipolar though is now so true. All of that hits he nail on the head of a medicated me. And I am still reading more when I can, when I can focus or have the right motivation.

    Oh and I have a small garden growing with my 8yo daughter. Ate our first lettuce from it on the weekend and have plenty of basil, chives, rosmary growing. Tomato plant has grown massive and hopefully chillies soon...

    Read a good article by Ayelet Waldman this week too, on NY times site. My wife stumbled across her, and it was a good read that made sense, also being a mostly manic person with little or no depression. Just fluctuating high to irritable/angry/mixed mood.

    Ill also go back and look at Natasha Tracey :)

    In the meantime my weight is still going up :(.... trying not to worry about it at the moment. Need to get/keep stable.... a functioning Mallow is better than a thin, manic, losing my family/kids/job Mallow puff, I have to keep telling myself. But I do need to get active again... just totally lacking the will/motivation,,, and putting back on older/larger clothes I thought I had moved on from....

    ah well..... it's Friday....... soooooo looking forward to the weekend. Except for most likely pulling out of a 28km punishing trail run... be kind to myself, yup, even if it pains me to.

  6. Airies
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    1066 posts
    13 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Hi there Dottie, Kazz and MallowPuff,

    Dottie I love your posts. Another vote for your cheery visits and I hope 2017 is a good one for you too!

    Kazz you garden sounds like magic. Not a day goes by when I'm not in mine. It's a proven fact that tinkering around with the soil is good for the soul.

    Mallow sounds like you have a green thumb as well. Good on you and it's great that your 8 year old is tagging along. A 28 k trail run, just makes me tired thinking about it. I've had a hip resurface, number of knee scrapes which I can attribute to lots of long distant running in my 20- 40s. Man I'm paying for it now. I cycle but only for a little while, row on my machine and finally lifting some light weights that have been gathering dust for years.

    ive always been addicted to excecise, food, something.its all or nothing in the past and finally my 'moderation' now is an hours xcecise most days and lots of sleep. I've never needed rest so much as since my meds, treatment and the rollercoaster that was last year.im lucky to be here and I will leave it at that. That's a medicated me I like that, so true as much as I hate the array of tablets I consume each night , the alternative is not pleasant.

    Mallow when you are ready you can get back into it.short walks are great, walking laps at the pool, even swimming if you can. From the time I was really ill it took me 18 months to get back into excercise. Some days I do nothing. If I need to go to bed at 3 in the Arvo I do. Most nights I'm in bed by 8:30. I try and do whatever it takes to get through each day.

    its great to touch base with so many genuine souls here.

    cheers Len

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Kazzl
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    13 January 2017 in reply to Airies

    Hiya Dottie - I'm sorry you're feeling bluey grey - wanna chat? We all know bluey grey. Here if you want hun.

    Also, cyclamens are good small indoor plants. Very pretty and long lasting if you water them.

    Love to you possum.

    Kaz

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  8. Kazzl
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    13 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hiya Mallow. What you've described about acceptance and self-awareness was me six months ago. It's a process, and you will, or won't accept things in your own time. But you will, I hope, come to a point of understanding what's right for you. Take your time.

    I feel like I was living in a delusional bubble and now I'm not. The realisation of it at 53 is irksome, and I still struggle with how could things have been different if I'd known - especially concerning the alcohol addiction. But, then again, things happen for a reason. I met my now hubby during recovery, and I wouldn't have that any other way.

    I'll check out that article you mentioned, thanks for that.

    Nice work with the veggie garden - I love homegrown tomatoes and lettuces. So much nicer than the supermarket types.

    Take care mate and have a good weekend.

    Cheers

    Kaz

  9. Kazzl
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    13 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Morning Len - hope all is well for you today.

    Interesting what you say about always being addicted to something. Yes, tis in our nature sadly, we are far more prone to addiction than most people apparently.

    So yeah, me too, though not good things like exercise and food unfortuately. Booze and cigarettes for me. I sorted the booze situation over five years ago, but do you think I can get rid of the fags? Still trying, I have little successes, go a few weeks, then something happens and I'm back on them. Sigh. And they're so bloody expensive!

    Maybe that will be this year's recovery project.

    Right, I'm off to the still-weedy back yard, with destruction in mind.

    Cheers mate, have a good weekend.

    Kaz

  10. Guest_322
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    1660 posts
    14 January 2017 in reply to Airies

    Hi Kaz,

    Thanks for the warm and supportive post. I'll keep the cyclamens in mind. Pot plants might be the next best thing to pets seeing as I can't have any at my place 😉

    Random side note: I remember you mentioned something about reading books about bipolar to self educate. You've probably already read it as it's pretty famous but "An Unquiet Mind" came to, uh, mind. I stumbled upon it in a bookshop a while back and it looked interesting.

    I mean, it's not everyday that you get to read about bipolar from a person who has seen it from both the perspective of someone who lives with it herself and as a clinical psychologist (or was she a psychiatrist?) You've probably either read it or heard of it before though...

    Len, I really appreciate your kindness. Good on you for your new things-in-moderation approach! I guess moderation means different things to different people but you've found what seems to work for you- 1 hour exercise and heaps of shut eye- and that's the important part.

    Take care.

    Dottie x

  11. Kazzl
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    16 January 2017 in reply to Guest_322

    Hiya Dottie - no I haven't read An Unquiet Mind, but I've certainly heard of it. Thanks for the reminder, I'll put it on my list. I've just started The Happiness Trap - it's excellent.

    Must admit though, I feel like I'm reaching saturation point with MH-related things at the moment. Think I need a rollicking good yarn with nothing to do with MH for a while. A spy novel, or Dan Brown, or somesuch. Or a good movie - might watch Sean of the Dead or This is Spinal Tap again. LOL. Then there's Spongebob Squarepants. Love him. (Who lives in a pineapple under the sea ...)

    Recommendations welcome. What are everyone's go-to movies, books, TV shows etc for a break from our heads?

    Hope you're all well and good today.

    Cheers

    Kaz

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  12. Guest_322
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    1660 posts
    16 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kaz and all,

    No worries at all. It does sound like you need a break from MH related things- time to mix it up a bit. I vaguely remember seeing the Happiness Trap at a bookshop. I haven't personally read it but it's good to hear that you're getting a lot out of it.

    Oh yeah, Spongebob is pretty funny (as are all the Bikini Bottom residents). He's possibly the world's most cheerful kitchenhand ha, ha.

    Hmmm...go-to entertainment to get out of my head? Most of my preferred books, movies, etc make me think so they don't exactly help me break from my head ha, ha.

    Music is probably the answer for me (for a lot of things). If I need to get my mind off things, I listen to music. I'm currently really into Naidemonaiya, which is a Japanese song. I don't speak Japanese so I don't understand the lyrics but I still enjoy it. I purposely didn't look up the English translation because sometimes a bit of mystery is nice 😊

    I had a busy day yesterday- worked, figured out my units for uni enrolment for the year then saw some friends in the evening.

    Take care,

    Dottie x

  13. Guest_322
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    1660 posts
    16 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Wait, brainwave!

    Some of my favourite feel-good movies for cheering up include:

    - Amelie

    - Legally Blonde (guilty pleasure ha, ha)

    - Hairspray (the remake)

    Dottie x

  14. MallowPuff
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    67 posts
    17 January 2017 in reply to Guest_322

    Looooove Spongebob. My kids were hooked onto it for a while :)

    trying to get back into reading myself, since I now seem to have an attention span and am a little less distracting. Currently reading Carrie Fishers Wishful Drinking. A wonderfully easy read, and she certainly had a great wit about her... I've also purchased an Unquiet Mind, and stashed it on my kobo.

    I've also got over 100 leadership/personal growth/MH books I've 'collected' over the time, but of course hardly made a dent in reading. Yay savers and Amazon/Kobo ebooks *whince*

    I did start reading Russ Harris (Happiness trap) book called 'Reality Slap', which is sort of how to deal with gaps in life, mostly around grief and expectation gaps, or rather, the reality of things. Was good in helping me feel a little normal at times.

    I also have his books the Happiness Trap and ACT with love... one day..

    I've also tried to get back into some computer/console gaming. Used to really enjoy it, but had relegated it to the 'useless waste of time' bucket :( didn't stop me buying the following for our house: 3 x Playstation 3 consoles, 2 x Xbox 360 consoles, Xbox one, 3 x 42" or larger screens, multiple controllers, charges, and over 200 games!

    picked one off the shelf and started playing it last week.... it was awesome! welcome back fun time... Even sat with my girls and played an old classic with them - The curse of Monkey Island. My 12yo loved it, and it's awesome quirky humour.

    And this weeks pre-occupation/research: effects of atypical antipsychotic drugs on people without mental health issues/bipolar...

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  15. MallowPuff
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    67 posts
    18 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    And on the music front.. this caught my attention whilst enjoying some Apple Music....

    .....
    My mind is scaring me right now
    Somebody shine a little light down
    Tell me is there anybody out there
    Feeling like I do?
    Oo-ho-hoo
    Sing it brother

    .......

    a little bit of Bliss..... n Esso :)

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  16. Guest_322
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    1660 posts
    19 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Hi Kaz and MallowPuff,

    It looks like the 3 of us are in agreement about Spongebob!

    Mallowpuff, you have an impressive personal development and MH book collection. The good news is you won't be short of choice when the reading mood strikes.

    I'm glad you could share the console experience with your children. It sounds like your 12 y.o. enjoyed it as much as you, which is great.

    I feel as though a lot of people- myself included- can relate to the lyrics that you posted. Your post made me think of this quote:

    When the pain penetrates, the music resonates.

    -​ anonymous.

    Dottie x

  17. MallowPuff
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    67 posts
    19 January 2017 in reply to Guest_322

    Hey Dottie!

    good to see you :)

    "You may be an open book Spongebob, but I am a bit more complicated than that. The Inner Machinations of my mind are an enigma" (Patrick)

    had a stressful day today with a panic attack to kick off a big work challenge... but survived... heading home now. Have started reading an Unquiet Mind, really good so far. Feels good to be able to focus long enough to read! great to have a mostly calm, settled, mind. Just drifting along, without rush, without jumping all over the place. Feels weird! means not only am I reading, but I think I'm taking it in. So much better than just looking out to space, whilst the hamster darts around my head....

    Bring on the weekend..... please!

    Hope you are okay this week Shedazzle Kazzle!

    And Len, the comments you said about sleeping and fatigue. This is so different. I could run a half marathon, get in a 5 hours of sleep, and have a full and lively day, with another run in it, repeat. My best streak was running every day for 4 weeks I think it was. Minimum of 5km a day, doing around 60-70km a week. Now it's all a struggle and I'm finding I need 8 hours of sleep to feel good.... otherwise I spend the day in a dazed, half sleepy, brain fog way. Everything seems to take it out of me so much more. Except at about 10pm at night, when I feel so awake and ready to take on the day, I mean night lol... Sleep, need more...

    Friday tomorrow....

    Steven Wright on my playlist

    - a lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I'm afraid of widths...

    - I got a postcard from my friend George, it was a satellite picture of earth. On the other side it said "Wish you were Here"

    Peace love and mung beans all....

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  18. Kazzl
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    19 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Peace, love and mung beans! Oh Mallow you dippy hippy, I haven't heard that for a long time! 😄

    Hi everyone, sorry I went AWOL for a few days. Hit a bump. My sleeping got all messed up and I sunk for a bit, needed rest, but I'm back on track, all shiny again.

    Mallow - well done mate for getting through the panic at work. Gee that's hard. I used to find work the hardest place to regain control when I had a bit of a spin. Lost it a few times. And yes, doesn't it feel good when you can focus and concentrate! Enjoy your reading my friend.

    I switched off with a Dan Brown (Da Vinci Code) novel, and Big Bash cricket.

    Hiya Dottie hun - that quote you posted reminded me of a line from a very favourite song ... 'when I'm feeling blue, the guitar's coming through to soothe me' ... come on, name that tune. 😄

    Hey Len - how's it going my friend? Are you surviving the heat OK? It's been fierce here. My little plants are OK though, actually growing which is reassuring.

    Love to all

    Kaz

    xxx

  19. MallowPuff
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    67 posts
    19 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hey Kaz,

    damn bumps, lumps and potholes... good to see you pop back up for air.

    Without searching the internet, I have no idea on those lyrics, nice though. Dusted off the guitar this week though and practiced a few chords, felt good.

    This mornings song that popped into my head...

    Purple haze, all in my brain
    Lately things they don't seem the same
    Actin' funny, but I don't know why
    Excuse me while I kiss the sky

    alternate lyrics

    excuse my while I kiss this guy *lol*

    one more day of stressful work, big project delivery, neck on the line etc.... already running late to work today, damn sleep problems, and thunderstorms! Wonderful massive overnight thunderstorms. Love a good lightening show...

    best wishes all for a good day!

    Yours in Stress, hope and purple haze,

    Mallow.

  20. MallowPuff
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    20 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Passed the big work audit, major stress relief... major.....

    weekend is here....

    but a sad night in my beautiful Melbourne :(

  21. Kazzl
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    20 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Morning Mallow! Congrats on the work audit mate! Yay! I knew you'd nail it 😊

    Yes, terrible events in Melbourne. I can't imagine how terrifying it must have been. My heart is heavy for the families and all who witnessed it. Do you live in Melbourne or are you from there? Must be even so much sadder when it's your own city.

    Weekend my friend. What are your plans? My hubby's going off doing motorcyclist things, so I'm left to play on my own, that's dangerous. Haha. I feel a Bunnings outing coming on.

    Cheers mate, keep smiling eh?

    Kaz

  22. MallowPuff
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    20 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Morning Kaz, all,

    I live in Melb suburbs, and travel through the CBD to work every day.... so made for a eerie and somber trip home last night. Most of the center of the city had been closed off, shops closed, streets empty.

    As for today, went for a parkrun this morning, was great, can still run, enjoyed it... gotta remember that.

    Otherwise I'm dropping the kids off at the parents for the night and enjoying some lovely adult time with my lovely wife...

    Enjoy Bunnings :) let us know what you end up with..

    peace out!

    Mallow.

  23. Guest_322
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    21 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Hi everyone,

    Mallow, the Bourke St incident in Melbourne was very tragic. Life really is very fragile (sighs). It must have felt like a desserted city when you were on your way home yesterday.

    It's great to hear that your concentration has been better lately. I've heard good things about An Unquiet Mind.

    Well done on the work audit. I bet you're so relieved that that's over! Happy dance, happy dance.

    I enjoyed the Patrick quote btw. Here's to a good weekend with your wife and maybe you'll get your guitar out again 😊

    Hi Kaz,

    All good. No apology needed. You needed time out for yourself.

    Well, according to Google, the lyrics are from Drift Away except I'm rather confused because I can't tell if it's by the Doobie Brothers or Rolling Stones (see...Google is out to confuse me!)

    Len, hi and I hope you're doing okay this weekend.

    Dottie x

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  24. MallowPuff
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    23 January 2017 in reply to Guest_322

    Hello all! Kaz, Dottie, Len and Tony, you still out there?

    Bit of a clique forming in here, hope we're not scaring anyone off. Lurkers, if you're reading and wondering, wonder no more, say hi, welcome to the club. Welcome to a special part of the world, life with a little added extra. Where's you're rollercoaster at today, let us know. How's the hamster in your head?

    Short week time! taking Friday off, 3 days to cram in 5 days of work *lol*. Thanks to invasion day, will be celebrating with acknowledgement and respect.

    Mornings suck, I used to be able to get out of bed and spring into the day, at least with some energy even if my head was like a sore bear. Now it's just a morning fog with little desire to leave the bed. Might help going to be (and taking my medication) earlier than 12:30am *whince*. Need better bed time, but there's so much to do!! Need to as least take medication earlier maybe, of which I need to remember to get some more.

    Had a great weekend with the missus! lots of lovely adult time, out and about, nice dinner Sat night, rebuilding 'Us'.

    Still need to work out how/when I stop buying crap for the sake of buying crap, because I 'may' use it one day, or 'it won't be this cheap again', or 'how much better would that be'. At least I haven't bought any new runners for a month, but haven't really been running either *sigh*. Sat morning's run has given me a slight hamstring strain on the right leg, dammit. Extra weight and lack of training. Ain't no jack rabbit like I was a few months ago.

    An unquiet mind is very interesting reading. Haven't had psychosis, but boy it looks scary. So much else in the book resonates so far, the energy levels, the thinking you're in full control, that everything is awesome, you mind whizzing away, unable to stop. One passage resonated about being the life of the party and everything is great, compared to someone looking in and seeing you as a mostly uncontrollable mess. A friend had relayed as much to me one day. I thought I was at the top of my game, top of the world, had it all worked out, and was just celebrating. Seemed I was quite a mess, can't remember half of what I said, good times.

    Need to book back into my psychologist too, to say hi, let her know where I am at, seek some guidance I guess. Psychiatrist appointment next week, Rheumatologist the week after. Geez I'm high maintenance.

    Time to keep working, there are bills to be paid! #thankfulforhavingajob

    Looks like I've run out of chara

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  25. Kazzl
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    23 January 2017 in reply to MallowPuff

    Hiya Mallow! Good to see you. Glad you had a good weekend and things are going well with the missus. (Don't forget flowers ... they can work wonders 😉).

    Mine was good too, or at least not bad - I'm trying to remember what I did ... not much apparently. It was hot and there was cricket.

    Yeah, the sleep thing's important. They (the 'experts') say a regular pattern for going to bed and getting up helps with stability. My trouble is I sleep too much - I'm always up very early, before 6, but I need a nap in the afternoon. Then bedtime is about 10. I like sleep. Think if I start working again I'll need to take a camp bed with me, and put a sign on the office door 'do not disturb the bipolar bear'.

    I had a lovely day today. I've started volunteering as a social companion for people with mental illness, and I met my first 'buddy' today. Really lovely woman about my age, we have a lot in common and we 'clicked'. Looking forward to getting out and about with her. We're going swimming next week.

    Other than that, things have been quiet for me. I've been a bit inwards, but not in a bad way, just reflective and maybe a bit self-absorbed. I'm waiting on some news which I won't jinx by saying what it is. Let's just say this week will require patience, not my strong point.

    I've been trying to avoid TV and social media as much as possible too. I tend to want to throw things when a certain orange-faced blight on the free world pops up.

    High maintenance? We're all high maintenance mate ... and we're worth it, every bit. 😄

    Cheers

    Kaz

  26. MallowPuff
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    23 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    L'Ithium, because you're worth it....

    nearly works lol 😂

    With you on the orange 🍊 face thing too. A symptom of mine was also incessantly checking FB for people liking my posts and photos, so now I am staying away from FB quite a bit too. Annoying my wife a little as she uses it a lot and I keep missing what she's posting lol...

    too funny....

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Airies
    Airies avatar
    1066 posts
    23 January 2017 in reply to Kazzl

    Hello All,

    An unquite mind sounds like a good read. It's been ages since I read a book.Kazz yeah I know I sound like some sort of fitness junky, but I used to smoke, a carton whilst on holidays and then stop, even rocked up at a fun run with a cig in my mouth and then run a PB.. It's been years since I had a fag or smoked constantly but when stressed would go through a couple of packs a day and then not smoke for a year or 2. All my life I've been the extremes. Guess never a dull moment with us hey . As for shopping, I'm doing retail theraphy constantly. Purchased some goggles and snorkel via eBay today for upcoming cruise, yesterday some sports mats for upstairs and day before a ph monitor for the garden. Small things but it all adds up. My rowing machine and bench were not cheap. Luckily my wife is pretty understanding.

    Awfully hot here this morning, raining now and temperature drop with it. Bloody Victorian weather.Was on my hands and knees picking up and raking gum leaves on my nature strip.

    ive figured if I concentrate on a given section of the garden on each day week in , week out I will be on top of the garden, gives me some structure and allows me to get some excercise in. Dumb me went for a bike ride on consecutive days. Apart from almost getting collected by a car, I was totally totally stuffed today, didn't sleep well overnight and crappy dreams.

    Continuing to learn what I can and cannot do.

    Hey there Mallow it's a bit of a clique but hopefully more come on board. It's hard to be eberywhere but not from lack of trying lol. Shocking , Shocking scenes in Melbourne. Having worked in justice department for 20 odd years our system is in dire need of overhaul. I avoid watching the news or reading the paper anymore.

    I know if I stay up , take my meds late, I'm pooped the next day and in a fog. Nowadays I'm usually in by 9:00 pm and occasionally crash or have a na na nap mid arvo. I used to be up before dawn, years on end, rotating shifts , 24/7 but now I'm rarely awake before 9 am and by nights end I need sleep, lots of it , clenching my teeth and despite my excercise and trying to keep busy rarely wake up rested. Bed is my friend, comfort zone but it can be my hell as well.

    Dottie, hope all is well. Your posts are a breath of fresh air. As for films we always watch Love Actually around Xmas. Every time we watch it we see simething new. I love my music, same vintage as Kazz so much to say so little room.....run out of room and retyped(

    by

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Airies
    Airies avatar
    1066 posts
    23 January 2017 in reply to Airies

    Back again

    typing o n iPad is frustrating at times. It's raining, my frogs croaking rather loudly from my pond and thankgod the change has come. I've turned into a real old fart in the last few years.Last year knocked me for six.Luckily it's 2017 and determined to make the most of it.

    its amaysing how being here, posting, hopefully helping others and being helped yourself is all part of the recovery process.I thinks we deserve to give ourselves a collective hug and pat on the back.

    Keep on keeping on folks

    cheers Len xox

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Airies
    Airies avatar
    1066 posts
    23 January 2017 in reply to Airies

    Hi Mallow,

    i used to love playing pinball machines. Closest thing these days is PinBall Arcade on the IPad but I deleted the App. Also loved SpaceInvaders, Galaga and was into Doom ages ago.

    I used to love a good book but struggle to grasp anything these days .Doing a cruise in a few months. I'd love to read an unusual mind or the book by Carrie Fischer to obtain more insight but might leave it till we get back.

    cheers Len

  30. Kazzl
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Kazzl avatar
    1873 posts
    23 January 2017 in reply to Airies

    Morning Len - your cruise sounds exciting, where are you off to?

    I'm with you on the collective hug and pat on the back. We're all going pretty well at the moment eh? 😊

    It's so good to have fellow travellers on this strange and rocky road.

    Morning Mallow - hope you have a good day at work mate.

    Hiya Dottie - how's our little ray of sunshine today?

    And hi Tony - how's things my friend?

    If there are any newcomers or lurkers out there who want to join in with our little crew, please feel free to post. You will be very welcome.

    Another hot one in the capital today. Quiet domestic day for me I think.

    Cheers all

    Kaz

    xxx

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