We are here for you fml3, know we care so very much and that we are here to chat. I am around today if there are some things you would like to share or to release or simply just talk about your day, I am here to sit with you.
I can hear how hard things are for you at this time and I want to say how proud I am of you for reaching out here, for seeking some support, for holding on when times are so hard.
I just re read what you typed earlier "I guess the only reason I am still alive right now are for my friends and because I still want to live" I believe we only need one reason, to find one piece of hope, one reason to choose to stay when things are so very hard, so dark and the pain is too much. I am wondering what aside from your friends are some other things in your life that bring you even a small smile?
School is hard, the work, the pressure and the expectations. I have two kids in high school and I watch what they do each day and it really is like nothing I went through. I am so glad tho that there are school councellors and support teams in schools these days, I don't really remember having that support available for me.
You are right in that if you do express concerns for your life they will have to include your parents, I am wondering though if this is such a bad thing...I would like to chat some more about it to you if you want. Sometimes we role play how a situation will go, usually badly, I am wondering that maybe your parents may not react in the way you are playing it out in your head, that they might so very much surprise you and be able to give you the support you very much need at this time. I understand in the past that you have written this "My parents are extremely homophobic and don’t believe teenagers and kids can have mental illnesses or feel depressed. They constantly make me feel unloved, worthless and make my mental health even worse" however with a school counsellor present and some interaction from a group conversation they might hear you for the first time and respond with action, care and love. I know this is not excusing any previous behaviours from them but it is bloody hard to parent, we don't always get it right, sometimes we have every good intention and it comes across as a total disaster. Maybe your parents need some support in supporting you too, that this could be a journey that you go on together.
I hope to chat some more to you and please know how much you matter and how much we care.