so i guess long story short

i suffer from OCD with god whenever i did the sin of lust i would have to do a ritual that was difficult to do

however i got married so that sin wouldent applied since it was sex in married

however for some reason in my head my mind says that the children i have with my wife will be the chosen ones and i have to have them.

however we already have one kid and i cant handle having another one nor do i want more than 1

so i havent done my ritual and my anxiety is going through the roof

at any given time the world will fall thats my thought process at the moment and it scares me
im feeling like suicide is the only way to stop the thoughts i have a plan on how to do it but i dont want to die...

 

anyway i hope you are all having a good day anyway :) just wanted to share my thoughts and short story

Hi Aaron V,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of the forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  We have sent you a private email so that we can support you further.
 

Hello Aaron V,

Welcome to the forums, it is nice to meet you here. It sounds like there's a lot going on for you at the moment and we are here to support you.

I can hear that you are really scared at the moment and there are a lot of thoughts which you are experiencing, and that is causing you a lot of anxiety. As Sophie_M mentioned, there are people who you can reach out to on the phone and in my own experience, it can often be really helpful just to talk out some of our really intrusive thoughts. It makes them less noisy.

Otherwise, we are also here if you'd like to talk a bit more about what is going on for you. I know you wanted to keep your long story short, but I just wanted to offer an ear in case you wanted to give us the long version :)

James

Hello Aaron V,

Wellcome to our forums! Thank you for reaching out to us…

I had severe Anxiety OCD…. My anxiety was very severe and debilitating…… I have now recovered from this condition 4 years going strong! If I CAN recover then there is HOPE that you can aswell with the correct help……

OCD for me was intrusive thoughts that seemed irrational but “ felt” very real……… my anxiety was very intense with OCD…

My recovery started from seeing my very caring gp we did a mental health plan together I then saw a clinical phycologist and a psychiatrist my psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD this then led me to a clinic that specialised in OCD this is we’re I learned to master my OCD…… OCD is a vicious cycle but you CAN learn to break free of the grips of OCD…..

My gp put me on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety…

I did meta cognitive therapy at my OCD clinic…. I was taught many skills at the clinic and how to disengage from the OCD cycle……we learned how to challenge our thoughts..mindfullness, attention training, meditation and how to become aware when we were getting into our OCD cycle……..this clinic was the best thing I ever did! It gave me the tools I needed to master my OCD…. I’m now free of it and life is amazing on the other side of it……. You too can learn to break free of the grips of your OCD with the correct help….

I no longer do compulsions……. I still have intrusive thoughts but I’ve learned this is normal 98 percent of people have them…… thoughts mean nothing……. If you have an intrusive thought just let it be there and float away try not to put your attention on the thought…. What we give attention to we give power to……. When you have an intrusive thought just redirect your attention to something in the present moment like what your feet feel like in your shoes….…

These thoughts mean nothing Aaron V….. please stay here with us in the living you CAN recover from this condition! I understand how scary intrusive thoughts can be mine scared the hell out of me! They were constant I felt like I was living in an internal hell but look at me now… I’ve RECOVERED!! I feel re born again and you too can recover! Life on the other side of it is amazing!

A beautiful friend reminded me of something while I was in the depths of OCD……

For God has not given us a spirt of fear but of power and LOVE and a sound mind….

Hang in there Aaron V……. I’m here to chat to you and support you….. please ask me any questions….. you WILL get through this…

Hi Aaron V

I feel for you so much as you face what feels like intolerable conditions for living. The mind can be such a cruel and brutal thing at times.

Something Petal22 mentioned, 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and LOVE and a sound mind', this is truly beautiful. If God was to say to you 'With my wish for you to love this body I gave you, how would you love it after sharing the gift of it with your partner? What ritual do you feel shows love to this body I've given you?' Do you imagine a self cleansing ritual of care and gratitude or a ritual of punishment? If God said to you 'I gave you this body to not punish but to love', do you feel you could gradually grow to love it? How would you grow to love it? Would you put good food into it? Would you respect it for allowing you to feel the energy that it generates through intimacy? Would you exercise it, on daily walks perhaps with your wife and child? Would you have it return to nature now and then, for it to feel a deeper connection to creation?

If you were to imagine God saying to you 'I have given the world the gift of a generation which expresses Christ consciousness, far greater than any generation to date', how would you observe this consciousness. Would this generation care deeply for the environment, would they fight for the rites of all creatures and not just people, would they seek excitement in a world which feels empty and boring to them, would they be more sensitive than previous generations (easily sensing injustice and cruelty), would they express themselves as unique individuals while still expressing a oneness with all life?

Someone once said that it is the nature of life to fall apart before it's reformed in some new far more evolved way. it is hard to welcome a fall without a new vision of the future. Without focus on a positive vision of the future, the focus remains on the fall. Can you imagine how you would support and inspire a generation who is looking forward to working on change in this world? Could your calling, your God given purpose for being here, involve you being a light for this generation? Are you here to inspire them, not fear for them?

:)

Hello Aaron, welcome to the forums, and thanks to those above who have replied with some excellent comments.

What you have said Aaron and if I can just rephrase this slightly 'whenever I did a sin I would have to do a ritual that was difficult to do', whether this is about lust or some other obsession/compulsion can quite easily happen, and yes, it did with me, where I had to swallow 100 times as a young kid, this was absolutely exhausting and I never completed it because for some reason I was interrupted and then I had to start from 1 once again, sounds ridiculous if I ever had to mention this to another person, so I never did and finally gave up and did something else.

That's exactly what I told myself and felt relieved by saying 'I'll do this instead' that was able to compensate and satisfy my OCD, swallowing 100 times was an enormous task that physically no one could achieve, especially in a certain time slot and I did this when I was just a youngster.

So replace this ritual and know that everyone is allowed to imagine whatever, it's just those with OCD, it sticks around, but you are allowed to imagine another thought because with this illness our obsessions/compulsions may happen at one particular house, but as soon as you move to another residence then there is no reason why you have to carry out this feeling or can I say 'habit' because the whole situation is different.

People with religious OCD strongly believe in and fear punishment from God and worry about unintentionally hurting other people or in this situation your wife and worry not just about what they think about doing, but also about what they have thought.

Any religious belief can not determine how many children a couple can have and then raise them.

People can be paralyzed by obsessive doubts and worries about their spiritual and moral lives and people know that when they have OCD know what they do is abnormal what have difficulty stopping them, but they can be replaced.

Just think that how you run your family only you and your wife make these decisions, so replace this thought with something else if you can't stop it either by yourself or with help from a psychologist.

Best wishes.

Geoff.