Lmao, well at least I've got you laughing -sort of. There's no mystery, I've simply read what you have written , and that includes afab ( which I thought might be a description someone gives when it does not quite seem to fit them). I must admit before I started reading I did look up the avatar and that gave me a place to start from someone's blog.
No I did not expect you to be a death-god, well that's not quite right, but will not explain now, would you believe I try to proceed captiously? I did expect you were having great difficulties, I'd sooner you daydreamed about how good things can be.
I did not think handing your words back would be an instant fix, I'd hoped it has done two things, firstly that even if you are "not applicable" you could say things that had insight, and also that someone here thought enough about you to dig back and see how you had fared in the past. You must be worth something.
For a husk you have an awful lot inside. I guess I relate to you because I could see others but had no power over myself. It was like I was outside my sphere of influence. Plus like you things piled up, more and more to turn to ashes.
You may not like all your words but I read you saying " i used to have so much more life in me". I thought I was just a waste of space, just making things worse. I but could have said that, I had been better before.
I found my illnesses (PTSD, depression, anxiety) had masked most of me out of reach and out of my consciousness. I thought they no longer existed. It also stopped me thinking clearly.
They have come back, and more. It has taken time, meds, therapy, but I'm glad and I cope now when things pile up.
OK, that's the serious stuff written down, dunno if it make sense, or even if you want to read it.
On another tack, if you had a second choice as a fav character, could you say who that would be?
You can see I've already chosen mine, and it was not a random thing.