Hello Low and DogRooster and everyone else reading.
Low... you are safe here. The forums are safe. There are moderators who weed out anything against the rules. We can report anything we need to. You're all welcome and appreciated here and cared about.
It takes guts to write. DogRooster I smiled at your one fingered typing. Any typing is a blessing. Noone can help you if you won't ask for help. But it is so hard to do. So thank you.
Grandy gave you the run down on how to create a thread just for you. You can write anywhere ok but having your safe spot on the forums is nice because you decide the topic. Will you think about it? I'd love to get to know you all better.
What keeps me here? Hope.
I haven't been well. Suicide has been tempting. I have a strong medical team. Support. Solid saftey plan. But like you mentioned Low I felt like I was here to just exist. I had decided suicide is not a valid option for me. So I exist.
It sucked. But there's a point. Bear with me please?
I kept seeing my psychiatrist. Telling him I still have the thoughts. I still feel rubbish. What else can I do?
He re tested. Multiple diagnoses. New meds again. This is night one of new med. I'm not myself. But you know what?
I haven't wanted to die today.
Isn't that wonderful? Stuff what the world thinks. Anyone who has felt suicidal KNOWS that's a gift.
I feel relaxed. No miracle world is all rainbows stuff. Just calm and stable and relieved and happy.
So. That's me. What about you?
Do you have hope? That this will eventually get better? it's hard to feel like that I know.
Ask for help again and again and again Low.
Yep it sucks. Docs play trial and error and it is crap because you're a person not a guinea pig. But the reality is anything in the brain is trial and error.
A few weeks ago my friend went to the ER. Almost 2 weeks of trialling options. To the point results driven psychiatrists. Get her stable because she has three kids and is not safe. You know what? she came out with a med that helps. Never perfect. But HOPE.
To anyone reading who wants a reason. Here is one... What if tomorrow is different? What if you knew next year you'd be happy again?
Why should you want to die?
Why shouldn't you be able to have hope?
Yesterday I wanted to die. Today I don't and I feel good for the first time in ages.
End of rant. Welcome to all.new members bravely sharing how you feel. Keep writing please ❤