I came to this forum tonight because I was looking for someone to talk to and, like you, I struggle to open up face to face with strangers, and I’m reluctant to say too much to friends or family.
I came across your post and instead of making one of my own, I’d like to respond to yours. You sound very like one of my teenage kids, who has also been struggling with their mental health. They also deal with anxiety, depression, are currently being assessed for ADHD (among other things)
The main thing I want to put across to you is this: recognising problematic symptoms within yourself and asking for help is not weak. I know you say this attitude/thought process is ingrained and you feel there is nothing you can do to change that. Yet, you’ve posted here. That’s not weak. It’s brave.
I totally understand why it’s hard to reach out. I relate to your feelings around that. I’m here, on this forum, because I feel like that too sometimes, and have had similar conditioning.
My kiddo has experienced some issues close to yours. Depression, social and other anxiety. Poor relationship with food, some experiences with disassociating, and definite signs of ADHD.
If your parents or family aren’t supportive or understanding, you have the ability (and the right) to seek help independently. Again, this is brave, and powerful. It’s not weak. Tell yourself that, every damn day.
A GP can be useful. They can refer you on to various adolescent mental health providers who, I promise you, have heard stories like yours many many times. They won’t judge you, or blame you. They are impartial professionals, who are also empathetic and invested in your mental wellness.
Its more than okay to ask for help (in spite of what your mum says) You could say you owe it to yourself, what you’re describing sounds like it’s challanging to deal with and you’ve said here you’re aware it’s a prob.
This isn’t a no hope situation. You’re already a step on the way by recognising this is an issue for you, another step was posting here. The next step is seeing a GP, and then on to professional mental health services. I reiterate, these steps aren’t weak.
My kid has taken these steps and like you, found them initially difficult. Things still aren’t perfect but they are a lot better than they were. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess I really wanted you to know you are not alone, there is a way forward, you do have some control, and you are far from weak.