Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Husband's undiagnosed OCD upsetting me more than him

Topic: Husband's undiagnosed OCD upsetting me more than him

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Vsellen
    Vsellen avatar
    1 posts
    20 May 2021

    My husband thinks he has OCD but is yet to seek a formal diagnosis and I'm worried he never will.

    Before we started dating he told me about his issues (won't eat food other people have cooked and stops having sex a few months into a relationship). He was going to get help before we started dating but instead, after waiting 6 months we decided to start dating and deal with the issues as we go.

    We're now 11.5 year on, married with a toddler. About 5 years ago he saw a GP about anxiety at work but didn't discuss the other issues. He was prescribed anxiety medication but stopped taking it after a week because he didn't like the way they made him feel.

    About a month ago he agreed to go back to the GP, discuss all his issues including his aversion to sex, talk about his suspicion that he has OCD and ask for a referral. He went but needs to get a blood test and decide what specialist he wants a referral to and he hasn't done any of that.

    I'm worried he doesn't have enough to motivate him to get help. He doesn't exhibit compulsive behaviours because he just avoids situations that trigger the obsessive thoughts. He has gotten so used to this I don't think he cares about not being able to share food with friends and he is used to the lack of sex, it hasn't affected his work, he has a very good job that he thinks his OCD helps with and has lots of friends who don't know what's going on because he is very good at hiding it. It does affect me though, I hate lying to our friends and family and avoiding eating with them and the lack of intimacy in our relationship is impacting my mental health and making me question if what there is in our relationship is enough.

    Even if he does seek help I'm worried he won't improve. He saw a therapist many years ago and had a bad experience, we have seen a relationship counsellor and that went well but mostly because she had a very similar way of thinking to him and I can't see how that would work with OCD. He thinks his anxiety about eating food others cook is justified and while he says he wants to want to have sex its been 2 years sincewe lasthad sex and beforethat it was only every 3 months so that isn't a big motivator. I just don't think he sees his thoughts as being wrong or intrusive and is only mildly inconvenienced by avoiding triggers.

    How can I help him/is there any point when he says he wants to get better but doesn't follow through.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16219 posts
    23 May 2021 in reply to Vsellen

    Hello Vsellen, I'm sorry your thread has been overlooked, this can happen when the site is very busy, unfortunately.

    Anyone who has OCD has a terrible illness, and to know whether or not he has this, he can do an online test by typing this 'online test for OCD'.

    There are psychologists who handle OCD and not specifically trained in this area and there is a possibility that people can hide their obsessions/compulsions, however, what you have told us doesn't appear to be the case.

    His doctor is able to give him medication at a low dose, just until it slowly builds up in his system, I take AD's for my own OCD, but it doesn't necessarily stop me from doing the habits I need to do, it's just that I hide them.

    His present thoughts about food and being intimate needs to be spoken with to a psychologist who can then help him work on these particular issues.

    I hope you can get back to us and continue this discussion.

    Take care.


Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

Sign me up