Don't our kids grow us beautifully?! They grow us into being more patient, loving, adventurous in certain ways, curious and questioning, wonderful (wondering about some amazing things) and the list goes on.
Husbands can also raise us in some outside the square ways, which I've come to discover with my own husband. While he's not horribly abusive and obviously degrading, he has tested me in many ways over the years. If there is one thing I am grateful to him for, besides being an excellent provider, it's how he's led me to become more conscious of disappointment.
While he's a huggy and kissy person who often proclaims to love me (which I believe he does in his own way), that's pretty much where the effort stops. Over the years I have faced the sadness that comes with no adventure or romantic weekends away, as he proclaims that's just not him (adventurous or romantic). I've faced the frustration and sometimes abusive arguments that can come when I push for necessary change and growth, frustration and arguments based on the fact he prefers to fight for sameness. I've faced a serious lack of excitement and wonder in a partner, based on the fact that he doesn't see the point in wondering and doesn't feel the need for excitement and as far as plans for the future go, he plans simply for us to grow old together. Bluerose, if you're anything like me, you'll want to be growing young (re-membering yourself) not growing old.
May sound strange but my husband has led to the art of 'disappointment'. Yes, I've discovered there's an art to it, a skill set. While once I appointed my husband to the roles of adventurer, romantic, visionary, wonderer etc, I've gradually come to disappoint him from these roles. I've also disappointed myself from the role of 'She who loves unconditionally'. May sound horrid, but I love conditionally. The condition of love for me involves loving actively, which I do wholeheartedly. It can't just be about words when you're raising a person through love.
If you wonder about the roles you've given to your husband over the years, are there some you could think of consciously disappointing him from? Perhaps the best place to start involves the roles he refuses to fill. Maybe 'He who will grow/evolve with me'. I bet that's a role your child will be more than happy to fill. What roles would you like to disappoint/free yourself from?
Disappointment can be a painful process, involving some grief, yet it can also be gradually liberating.