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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Not sure if Im helping or hindering my 20 year old daughter

Topic: Not sure if Im helping or hindering my 20 year old daughter

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Worriedmum29
    Worriedmum29 avatar
    4 posts
    30 September 2020
    My 20 year old daughter has been suffering from depression and anxiety for 41/2 years. She. was on AD but stopped taking them as she feels she "needs to do it on her own".Her mental health has plummeted over the last few months and I've suggested that she consider going back on them or at least speak to her Dr about it (she went off without discussing it). Im trying to find that balance between respecting her decision as she is an adult and trying to get her to at least consider the possibility that medication may help. Apart from feeling that she needs to do it herself she also said she felt numb on the tablets and whilst she was not miserable she wasn't happy either. I did suggest again she gets a medical opinion on this as I am sure there are many different meds and she only tried one but that another one might be a better fit for her. Im just really struggling with wanting to help and respect that its ultimately her decision. It is just so hard to see this beautiful, bright girl struggle so much but I feel pushing wont help - I just feel helpless about how to help her get her life back.
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    30 September 2020 in reply to Worriedmum29

    Hi Worriedmum29,

    Thanks for reaching out here today. We can understand why you would be feeling worried and unsure of how to proceed - we're sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with her mental health at the moment. Please know that our community is here to support you. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.

    If you feel that it would be beneficial to about your feelings with one of our own friendly counsellors, please feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

    You might also find it helpful to take a look at the "Parents" section of the Kids Helpline website for some advice - https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents

    Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you're feeling up to it.

     

    2 people found this helpful
  3. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    203 posts
    30 September 2020 in reply to Worriedmum29

    I'm really sorry to hear your daughter is struggling. I am not a mum yet so cannot imagine what you are experiencing and the helplessness you are feeling but I understand it must be really difficult. Your presence and support is really important - I'm sorry that you feel helpless but please know it is so clear that you care for her so much and I imagine that you being there for her means a lot, even if she does not communicate it. It is difficult to push the issue of the medication as she is an adult, but it is worth talking to her about it and listening to her but as you say, difficult to strike a balance. If she is becoming more resistant and you are more concerned, maybe see if there is any way that you are able to express your concerns to her doctor in confidence? Is she open to seeing her doctor again? Does she find her psychiatrist helpful and do you feel they may help her talk through her concerns about trying a different medication?

    Please feel free to talk further. I'm sorry if this was not much help. Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12409 posts
    30 September 2020 in reply to Worriedmum29

    Hi worried mum

    thanks for reaching out.

    I am have 3 adult children and I also was a 19 year old whose mum was worried about me

    when I was depressed.

    It is hard being a mum and watching your child suffering but wanting to treat them as the adult they are.
    How would your daughter feel if you go with her to see her doctor. .?

    i know if my mum suggested something I may disagree or felt she did not understand.

    I know your daughter is aware you love her and respect her. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right treatment and medication is one. There is mediation and mindfulness that can help.

    Does you daughter like to write or draw , if so writing or drawing in a journal may help.
    I know writing has helped me.

    Keep posting here and continue the discussion if you like.

    Take care.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  5. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11220 posts
    30 September 2020 in reply to Worriedmum29

    Hello Worriedmum29

    you are a super helpful mum!!...Sophie_M sunnyl20 and Quirkywords have provided helpful support above. I understand that its difficult to have a daughter see a doctor/counsellor yet I really hope the info below is of some help to you

    Sophie_M mentioned the parents section of our friends at Kids Helpline https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents

    Kids Helpline also offer once off and ongoing phone counselling (appt) for young people up to 25 years

    any questions/comments are always welcome

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful

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