First time posting so bare with me. I’m reaching out to get some advice on how to respectfully convince my partner (together for almost 10 years with 4 children together) to speak to someone about his depression.
It wasn’t always obvious, when we met he was romantic, out going, cool and so caring. Our first child he was an amazing father and still is very dedicated but by our third and fourth he has become less hands on or wanting to be involved.
I guess I’ve always known that he has ‘issues’ as he had an upbringing no one deserves in my eyes- no steady relationship with his mum, witnessed her be abused, was abused by her, was sent away to his real dad at 17 who he had never met in another country and the only real love he felt I believe was from his grandpa who sadly passed away last year- which is why I think it has reached a point that he NEEDS to get help as it has changed him and it is hurting our family.
The problem is that he doesn’t seem to want help or he is too ashamed to speak to someone. I’ve offered to go with him or not if he prefers, I’ve pleaded but he just won’t make the first step. He denies it only when he drinks, which isn’t too much at the moment, is when he opens up and let’s his pain out which always leads back to his childhood.
I need him to do something because he becomes this mean person sometimes and is unhappy where he doesn’t want to work and our family is suffering.
I have taught myself to be mentally strong and know that when he is snappy or lets out words of frustration (which could be verbal abuse, has never physically abused me) it is a reflection of his own pain but I think to myself if it gets worse what sort of life is this for our family.
I get very emotional thinking of the pain he has endured and I want him to get help so he doesn’t hurt us. Any advice from those who have been in this sort of situation is much appreciated. Thank you.