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Topic: Reaching my limit

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. AnxietyWifey
    AnxietyWifey avatar
    2 posts
    23 September 2020

    I’ll try and keep this short and sweet.

    my Husband has been suffering severe anxiety and depression for a little over a year now. He’s always had these issues niggling at the back of his mind but they didn’t really impact his daily life.

    A little over a year ago, he suddenly started having a panic attack, this went on for more than a week before it settled.

    he has tried medication which only made him sick. He’s never been able to stomach anything stronger than panadol, it just comes straight back up and leaves him bedridden so medications aren’t an option. We tried therapy, which only led to more panic attacks so he’s not willing to go down that path again.

    I try so hard to be supportive, but His fluctuating moods and episodes are really taking their toll on me. We can’t do anything because his anxiety takes over. Even something as simple as going into an elevator, he will grit his teeth and yell at me if I try to get in if there’s too many people.
    I’m exhausted. I have no idea what else we can try if medications don’t work and therapy makes it worse.

    I can’t talk to him about it because if I do, I’m the worst person in the world. Sometimes I think about how much easier my life would be alone and this makes me feel guilty. I have no idea what I can do.

  2. Tay100
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    23 September 2020 in reply to AnxietyWifey

    Hi AnxietyWifey

    Thanks for posting- we know it can be tough when a loved one is suffering and you have tried many things to address it. It can be hard to communicate with them about it, as you say.
    Would he be open to trying a different sort of therapy to the one he tried previously? A bit more exploration is not without risk, but it might make all the difference. His GP could refer him to somewhere specific?
    There are also lots of posts of how to manage anxiety on a day to day level- maybe encourage him to check that out and see what resonates with him too.

    Let us know how he goes if you like. If you'd like to discuss more about the impact this has on you, let us know! We can support you too.

    Tay100

  3. AnxietyWifey
    AnxietyWifey avatar
    2 posts
    16 October 2020 in reply to Tay100

    Thank you for your reply, I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.

    we tried counselling and then psychologist who specialises in anxiety but the entire week leading up to appointments and for days following he would be so heightened it was unbearable for him. I really don’t know what else to do. I can show him grounding techniques and different exercises that work for me (I suffer mild anxiety myself but don’t require medication to manage it) til I’m blue in the face but his attitude and willingness to try just isn’t there because “nothing works, what’s the point?” So his solution is to do nothing and go nowhere and just be miserable.

    im still young, I have so much I want to do in my life and things I want to experience with him and I can’t do any of it.

    on top of this, he has suspected Chron’s disease which is known to have a link to mental health however won’t have it further investigated because this has no cure, why bother?”

    it’s so disheartening and exhausting.

  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    4302 posts
    17 October 2020 in reply to AnxietyWifey
    hi and welcome to beyond blue.

    It sounds like this is a real struggle for you in providing support to your husband relating to his issues. BB also has a web page and a number of document you can download and read to find a way of remaining healthy -

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone


    It is important that you look after yourself and remain healthy.

    I am going to go out on a limb with the following suggestion as something in your post reminded me of this... You said that “nothing works, what’s the point?”. There are many different ways a person can try. Some/many of these may or may not work. My psychologist recommended a book to me called "The happiness trap". Despite the title, this book is about anxiety. One of the chapters in the front of the book has a number of different things to try. The author even say that something does not work for you, try the next idea, recognising that each idea might not work for everyone. you could have look at it first and perhaps suggest your husband reads it?

    The other thing I curious about is what your husband has by way of support outside of yourself? Is he able to talk about the things on his mind and thoughts and feelings?

    I would be interested in chatting more with you and hearing your story.

    Tim
  5. Tay100
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    489 posts
    18 October 2020 in reply to AnxietyWifey

    Hi AnxietyWifey

    That's not a worry at all, you can use the forums as you need and in your own time. You are right it is disheartening and exhausting- so self-care is important, especially you have anxiety, even mild. That way you can continue to look after him in the best way you can. Did he end up going to see the psychologist? Maybe telehealth would be a better option if he's overwhelmed by face to face meetings? They could you with the Crohn's disease symptoms as well?

    Tay100

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