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Topic: Recently diagnosed husband

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Wifeymum
    Wifeymum  avatar
    2 posts
    3 June 2019

    Hello everyone! I’m not sure where the best place is to start, so I’ll do my best.

    i have been with my husband for 8yrs and married for 4, we have a 2yo daughter. He is a great father most of the time, but recently I noticed him being withdrawn from our life and our daughter. She won’t allow him to cuddle her to sleep anymore and he now refuses to try, I’m left to do most parenting myself because I feel he has broken his relationship with our daughter. he sleeps almost any chance he gets, he comes come agitated and angry and takes our his moods on me, and he falls asleep without helping out around the house at all.

    We went to the GP this week, who said my husband has depression. He was started on medication which he didn’t respond well to, and is now on a different medication. He started this evening.

    So getting to my question... does this type of “withdrawal” from life usually happen with depression? Is the symptoms he showing typically depression related? How long until he sees a result from the medication?

    Am I being silly in thinking I’ll have my husband/father of our child back to normal once these meds have started working?

    I’m feeling super tired, drained emotionally and physically and at my complete Whitt’s end. I want to be supportive but when I’m being a “single” parent and carer at the same time it’s really difficult to see and end to all of this.

    These were all questions I wanted to ask his GP but he didn’t want me at the appointment. I really don’t know a lot about depression apart from what I’ve read on here or google. Any insight for carers and how to cope would be appreciated.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3085 posts
    4 June 2019 in reply to Wifeymum

    Hi Wifeymum,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out. You're definitely in the right place. There are so many partners in the same boat as you so I highly encourage you to have a browse of the other threads and join in if you like. Here is the link to the other posts -

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)

    One of the top threads there is about supporting your depressed partner by Carmela which I'd recommend too.

    To answer your questions, withdrawal is absolutely a 'symptom' of depression. When our moods drop, it's a very natural thing to withdraw from friends/family/society. Other signs definitely include being tired/fatigued and being irritable. Without knowing your husband, there's every possibility that the way he feels could be making him angry too - knowing that he's not feeling himself but not being able to fix it/make it better.

    While Beyond Blue have a list of the signs and symptoms of depression, I really like this list from MensLine since it's a bit more specific to men.

    https://mensline.org.au/signs-and-symptoms-of-depression/depression/

    As for the medication, GP's usually recommend 4-6 weeks to see any sort of improvement. Any side effects will usually taper down by then as well.

    I don't think what you're wanting is unrealistic. It very much depends on the person as everyone is so unique in how they cope with depression. Sometimes people find that with help, they go back to their 'old normal', where as others have to create 'a new normal'.

    I hope that this is helpful. Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. sadnurse281
    sadnurse281 avatar
    2 posts
    5 June 2019 in reply to Wifeymum

    Hi Wifeymum,

    Your post sounds very familiar to me as I also have a two year old at home and a withdrawn husband! I am exhausted as well so I feel your pain. My husband has Schizoaffective disorder which is like a combination of schizophrenia and depression but a lot of the Schizoaffective symptoms cause him to be withdrawn, defensive, moody and not communicate. My son usually only wants to be with me because his dad can’t sustain interactions with him for long.

    Can you ring the GP and just let them know what’s actually happening? It might help if you can somehow get him a psychiatry referral if possible. It’s not easy and I spent years trying to get my husband treated but you need to interfere a bit to get to that point unfortunately.

    its really, really hard and I feel for you. I hope you can feel a bit better knowing you’re not alone.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15314 posts
    6 June 2019 in reply to Wifeymum

    Hello Wifeymum, thanks for posting your comment.

    As Romantic_thi3f said ' withdrawal is absolutely a 'symptom' of depression, and it may happen slowly, quickly or you are trying to work out what's he's doing.

    I can't say much more than what's been said, but you can click on 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download or order', this will help you in understanding depression.

    Can you also book an appointment with your doctor and the two of you can get a 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions each to see a psychologist.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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