Hi...not really sure this is the right place but i need help....Miss 13 was being badly bullied at school. My husband and i "found" and read her diary and it talked of self harm and suicidal thoughts. We talked t her over a few weeks about these things and counselling (without revealing that we knew about her diary). Told her if she every wanted to talk to someone outside of us she could go to a counsellor. She decided she did want to see someone. We took her and she has been seeing a counsellor for a few months now. We also changed her schools. We thought she was doing better, she seemed happier, made new friends and was coming out of her shell more. The counsellor has even pushed her sessions back leaving a bigger gap between them. Last night hubby "found" another notebook with entries from this week.... talking again about suicidal thoughts and completing actual acts of self harm. I am not sure what to do. Do we confront her, speak with the counsellor, take the doors off....i do not know where to go from here

Hi TRC, 

Welcome to the forum, it is great that you have decided to seek support from this community for your daughter and your family. We can understand that it must be very difficult to read things in her diary about self-harm and suicidal thoughts. It must be so scary for you to read this, while her counsellor is decreasing her sessions and seeing positive changes within her. Have you spoken to her counsellor about this and asked them on how you should approach the topic? Do you think the counsellor is aware of the self-harm and is helping your daughter manage the self-harm and thoughts of suicide?

You can also call Kids Helpline, to get advice on how to approach your daughter on this topic.You can also offer this hotline as an option for her in between her sessions with her counsellor, if she needs them. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.  

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

Please be mindful to look after your own mental health during these times as situations like these affect the entire family. You are not alone and we are here to support you. 

Hello TRC, can we offer you a warm welcome.

It must be very disturbing for both you and your husband and we're really sorry to know what you both have had to experience as well as your daughter trying to cope in this situation.

It's good that she wanted to see a counsellor, however, when any of us are seeking treatment by seeing a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist we may definitely have sessions that are tough and difficult to understand and what is suggested we need to do and then there are times when we have several meetings that go well, may be one after the other, giving the impression that we don't need to see the psych so often.

This can be a common problem because although everything may seem to be going well, there is a possibility that we are hiding what needs to be talked about or that the circumstances have changed, but this could only be temporary, as the situation could change at any time, so if the sessions are becoming longer between each session, this can be a problem for any age group.

Let us help you.

Geoff.

Hi TRC,

This sounds like a really stressful time for you, as well as for your family. It's really great that you've reached out for support here.

I think that your idea to have a chat with her counsellor is a good instinct. They may then decide the best way to bring up the topic of self-harm with her, based on their training and experience. They may even recommend that she see a psychologist, if they do not feel they have the right tools - this is a conversation you might raise with them if you are unsure of their experience.

I think that having a call with the suicide helpline - 13 11 14 - could also be really helpful for you. They are likely to know of and be able to share with you things that you may be able to do around the house to reduce risks, conversations you could have with her, flags to look out for, and more.

It is really important that you and your husband take care of yourselves as well. This can be a heavy thing to deal with day-to-day, and it's easy (and perfectly understandable) to become burned out. Even though it may sound difficult or unproductive, doing some things for yourself like yoga, meditation, going for a nature walk or swim, etc, make such big differences. These are also things that you might like to invite Miss 13 to do with you, which may provide a space for her to open up to you, or at the least, may help increase endorphins and be a nice distraction for her from what she may be feeling.

Please come back on here any time you feel like it could help, even if it is just to vent your feelings.

All the best to you and your family,

- Violet