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Topic: Supporting my mum with depression

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. M_elly
    M_elly avatar
    1 posts
    2 January 2018

    My mum has struggled with depression and anxiety in various severity for at least 15 years (probably longer but I would have been younger and less aware). She has seen psychologists on and off and is medicated. She has had several relationships which have ended poorly and the last one particularly so, involving violence. She really struggles with being on her own and gets increasingly upset and caught up in her thoughts. Whenever I ask how she is going she cries and says she is useless on her own and hates it.

    I think I have anxiety around our relationship and I am often worried about her and wanting to help. I am currently pregnant with my first and am unsure as to how this might affect myself but also the baby and my husband too. Are there some strategies I could implement to support her or suggestions for what she could do to improve her mental health?

    I am willing to see a counselor or psychologist myself, but would also love some ideas on how to help my mum or ideas for her.

    Thank you so much.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9365 posts
    2 January 2018 in reply to M_elly

    Hi M, welcome

    What a daughter you be!!

    Yes, I understand your situation. Its a balance really but it depends greatly on your mums condition so it wont be possible to give some advice that might not be suitable.

    Some peer group ideas can be invaluable. Have you suggested easing her into a group like a sewing group, social group, light sport like badminton, table tennis etc. If you go with her now and ease her into it that might help especially after she has got to know the members.

    Other ideas are in the first post of each of the following threads. Use google

    Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

    Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

    Topic: meditation- he helped me for 25 years- beyondblue

    Topic: MELTDOWN, back to basics- beyondblue

    Topic: distraction and variety- beyondblue (that works!!)

    Topic: depression, our ultimate goal- beyondblue

    Topic: the timing of motivation- beyondblue

    Topic: your own worse enemy- beyondblue

    There are thousands more.

    I hope you benefit with your mum. A GP visit for yourself wont harm you and can keep you focused. Perhaps your GP has ideas on how to distance yourself and spread some of the burden your mum is placing on you (without intent).

    Repost anytime in those threads or here.

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Juliet_84
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Juliet_84 avatar
    615 posts
    2 January 2018 in reply to M_elly

    Hi M_elly,

    i think it's really lovely that you want to be there and support your mum, but I also understand your need to look after your own mental health at the same time for you and your new family's sake.

    This is just an idea, but would you be able to suggest a mum and daughter activity, something that takes your mum out of her head for a bit and focus her attention away from her and gets the endorphins flowing, e.g like mum and daughter aquarobics? That way you could also get some fitness in for you and the bub and it's a more friendly open environment so she would be less inclined to delve too deeply into any emotional issues?

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15552 posts
    2 January 2018 in reply to M_elly
    hello M_elly, welcome to the site, but what you need to remember is that you have to look after yourself first, may sound to be difficult for your mum and I'm sorry, but soon you are about to have your baby and this will require 24/7, I'm saying this because it could be what your mum needs to help you with the baby, this is a relationship she wants.

    Ask your mum to go with you to the doctor, take her for a swim, good exercise for you and the baby and ask your mum to hop into her swimsuit, tell her not to be embarrassed, because there are many elderly people who go swimming.

    What maybe a good idea is for you to book an appointment with a psychologist from a referral by your doctor, I think this would be a good idea, and even ask your mum to come with you.

    Get your mum interested in the arrival of your baby because you will need all the extra help you can get, but please keep us in touch with you. Geoff.
    1 person found this helpful

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