I've recently been diagnosed (apparently) with cyclothymia, and I am not sure if that's correct or if it's just the stress of my phd, but while I always had up and down, it has never been as dramatic as in these past few years.
Still, I can't accept the diagnosis. It's like part of me is convinced I am doing everything to myself and by myself and I am tricking people, because I don't want to do anything with my life. I don't know. Part of me is also convinced that the recent worsening of my anxiety symptoms is due to something else, like another disease like Parkinson or stuff, but my blood tests resulted all perfectly normal.
Recently I have had weeks of absolute full blown panic and anxiety, combined with my extremely low mod, I simply stopped doing anything and I stopped working as well. Today my gp decided to prescribe me medication and I am terrified to take it.
About six months ago, I had a bad reaction to some non related drug (a muscle relaxant for an injury) that a doctor prescribed to me at a too high dose and wrong times of the day, and now I am scared of any kind of medication. I am terrified I am going to take this new medication and die in my sleep. During my worse panic moment the action of falling asleep would make me have a panic attack, and I am just scared that knowing this medication makes me sleepy will just make me panic.
I am not sure what to do. I want to get better as soon as possible, I have to work and do so many things and the more I wait in panic and apathy the worse my future is going to be. But I also live away from my family and now I can only rely on myself if I feel sick while taking the drug (I am supposed to take it at bedtime), unless I take it during the day and at work.