Hi Sad wife
I deeply feel for you so very much as you struggle with your fear, your husband's addiction and the potential consequences of that addiction.
As an ex drinker, I believe we typically drink for 1 of 2 reasons, 1) we simply love the taste and can stop at a couple of drinks or 2) we love what the chemistry of alcohol does when it interacts with our own chemistry. The 1st is a pretty straight forward fix - experiment with other flavours. The 2nd, as you can imagine, is seriously complex.
I suppose one way to imagine the impact of drinking relates to understanding dopamine, something we humans are able to naturally produce under certain circumstances. Dopamine can feel like 'a party in the brain' and contributes to our sense of happiness and satisfaction. The following is a snippet from 'Understanding Addiction - HelpGuide.org':
According to the current theory about addiction, dopamine interacts
with another neurotransmitter, glutamate, to take over the brain’s
system of reward-related learning. This system has an important role in
sustaining life because it links activities needed for human survival
(such as eating and sex) with pleasure and reward.
circuit in the brain includes areas involved with motivation and memory
as well as with pleasure. Addictive substances and behaviors stimulate
the same circuit—and then overload it.
Repeated exposure to an
addictive substance or behavior causes nerve cells in the nucleus
accumbens and the prefrontal cortex (the area of the brain involved in
planning and executing tasks) to communicate in a way that couples
liking something with wanting it, in turn driving us to go after it.
That is, this process motivates us to take action to seek out the source
As I say, just a snippet but it provides some understanding that goes beyond the idea of simply feeling 'good' or 'relaxed' when it comes to drinking. I imagine the drug and alcohol counselor would be able to provide you and your husband with empowering insight into the nature of addiction.
Whilst your husband may be perceiving you somewhat as she who dictates 'no more parties in the brain', you are dealing with a truth that points toward this type of 'partying' is destructive. In a weird way, it can sort of resemble a parent saying to a teenager 'You're not to experience the excitement you love anymore'. A counselor will be able to provide info on constructive ways to excite the neurons and chemistry.