Hi Charmie. Firstly may I offer my sincerest and deepest condolences on your loss. Losing a loved one, be it parent, or child, or sibling is hard. No-one knows exactly how anyone is supposed to feel or act. We all react to grief differently. Sending him that email, no doubt has made you question if... To be told you'll feel better soon, empty meaningless words. I'm not going to tell you you'll be right. All I can say is try to remember him as a loving child. The pain you're in is raw and will take time to ease. You'll never forget him, you bathed him, kissed away his hurts as a child, shared his joy, cried with him. The anger at his drug induced behavior hurt you more because you weren't able to stop him, no-one can stop anyone who is determined to use drugs. As far as his belongings, for now don't try to DO anything. I gather you have them. There is no hurry to dispose of anything, give yourself time to grieve and adjust to not having him. You will know when it's time. No-one can tell you when. It could be months. Hope this has helped.