I don't really know what I'm doing at this point in time, I feel like I'm too young to be feeling this way or something along those lines. I look at everyone else's threads and see their realistic serious adult issues and i look at my own and wonder why I'm so heavily affected by my own.

Ive been extremely depressed for the last year or two, recently however circumstances around me have worsened around me and it becomes a struggle to feel happy at any given time.

If i was being honest my life was perfect in my eyes, i was always happy and couldn't be brought down, it had been 11 months since my previous suicide attempt and everything was so good.

however, just the past 2 weeks alone I've been broken down to a level i didn't think was truly possible. I feel more upset and distraught right now than i think i ever have. My friends have all cut me off, my girlfriend has dumped me, my pet dog (indigo) lost her eye to a stray cat while i was walking her, my grandfather has developed Parkinson's disease and is rapidly deteriorating and my nan has fallen and ended up in hospital with a brain bleed.

Im just so lost, everything that I've known my entire life has just come crashing down around me and i don't know what to do. Im confused, like how could any of this even happen, why me?

I keep thinking about my grandfather and how he will eventually forget about me, we used to go to the cinemas all the time together and always watch the latest films that would come out. It was like the thing we would do weekly and i loved it, he used to tell me how much he loved fishing and how he really wanted to take me. Now he has become too unwell to fish and so the one thing he has always wanted to do with me isn't even possible.

Im just here to let everything out cause i don't know what else to do.

Im sorry if this is just nonsense stuff and doesn't really make any sense i just have nobody to turn to and its been quite difficult.

Much love to everyone here - Jay

Hi blink99,

Thank you for sharing this here. We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Please know that this community is here for you.

We're concerned about you, so we are reaching out to you privately. We think that it is really important that you talk to someone about these thoughts and feelings, so please give the Beyond Blue helpline a ring directly on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer: 

• Beyond Blue 
• Kids Helpline 
• Lifeline 
• Headspace (9am-1am AEDT) 

It can be really tough to make the step to make a call but the people who answer the phone are kind and helpful. They speak to people about this everyday and can offer useful advice. You don't have to go through this alone.

Hopefully we'll hear from the community at some point. In the meantime, we hope you're able to be kind to yourself, and to feel some pride in the bravery it took to post here today. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M
 

Hello Jay, it's always heartbreaking to hear comments like what you have told us, simply because when we're young we never anticipate nor accept what is actually going to happen, we believe that everything is going to stay as it presently is, and that's how I thought years ago and no matter how many times I was told otherwise, I didn't believe it, now that I'm getting on in age, I understand, and no, it's not nonsense.

As each situation becomes worse, other important factors seem also become different to what we had hoped and slowly deteriorate, either all at once or one by one, making us change our mood and feel disorientated, this is not your fault and you can't blame yourself.

No one is able to stop time, we wish we could and I certainly hoped that age would not take over me as my fishing days are becoming very limited, as I would love to take my young grandkids fishing as well, to teach them any tricks I knew in landing the big one.

We definitely feel your disappointment as will my grandchildren and try and explain that we do unfortunately get old.

If you can contact some or all of the links Sophie_M has provided, I hope they can help you, and please if you want to get back to us that would be great Jay.

Geoff.