Hi Melissa (& a wave to Kiki & birdy),
I hope it’s okay if I given you a very gentle welcome. I’m glad Kiki & birdy have written in with such compassionate & supportive posts. It’s good that you have their gorgeous support.
I also wanted to express my condolences for your losses. I can only imagine the heartbreak at not ever being able to see your little boy grow up. That pain must be so heavy. I’m also very sorry about your mum as well. You’ve had 2 major losses & that is an enormous weight to carry in your heart...
Being forced out of caring for your foster child must have been absolutely heart wrenching. I feel that’s a loss too, but in a different way. The devastation of having to part ways with someone that you cared for and bonded with...
But as birdy said, at least you were able to give him/her love, stability & guidance for a little while that s/he may have never experienced before. I know that doesn’t lessen your heartbreak though, but you were able to give a precious gift to that child: love. That’s something s/he will always with them, no matter where they are.
On top of all that, you’ve had so many other challenges that include your depression (plus probably other curveballs that life throws us). I feel you’re a very resilient and compassionate person.
I feel sad to hear about your ongoing sadness, but all things considered, I also understand it to some extent. While I know we can’t make your sadness dissipate or lessen your grief, just know that there’s a lot of caring & understanding here :)
Kindness & warmth,