Hi Steinbeck (and a wave to RT too 😊),
I have no experience being self employed and yet while reading your last post it was like seeing my own behaviour put into words.
The way I understood your post was that although you know what you need actually taking action, making changes or seeking out the support you need is simply too overwhelming and feels out of reach. Is that accurate?
At my lowest that was me. I knew I needed help and had some idea of what I needed to do... but going through the processes to get it was beyond me.
Thankfully, I asked my husband for help before I ended up hurting myself. Do you have anyone you can trust to help organise support for you? You mentioned still being here because of your kids and grandkids and I wondered if you had let any loved ones know how badly you have been feeling?
If the doctor has prescribed meds and they aren't working it is important to return and tell them so. There are so many types of medications and it can take time to find one that helps you.
You mentioned almost being beyond caring anymore and this is a huge worry. If you feel like you need support to be safe we can always ask for the support service here to phone or email you?
I hope you feel able to keep sharing how you're holding up.