Hi All,

i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years back after some family trauma. I worked through that with medications and counselling. I am been happy from then on. Working full time, finishing my degree etc. I seem to have gotten overwhelmed by things lately. I have a chronic autoimmune condition and I think the endless medical appointments and test have brought it to the front of my mind where I usually didn’t have to think about it too much. My husband is being bullied at work and he has been suspended while they are investigating some allegations against him. They are totally baseless and petty but it is a very stressful time. I can’t seem to stop crying and feeling absolutely miserable. I saw my GP yesterday and then attended a counselling appointment. The counselling helped a lot and a felt ok yesterday evening but now this morning I am a mess again. I just don’t know what to do. I want to be a resilient person and just be able to cope with things but I feel I can’t function. I am at a total loss.

Hi Tiggerbow,

Welcome to the community here on the forum. I'm not a professional at all, but to me it would not be surprising to consider that if your physical health is compromised as you mentioned with a chronic autoimmune condition, than your body may well be tired.

That could be enough to cause mental health issues. You have also mentioned the situation your husband is in. That would no doubt impact on how you are feeling.

If you don't mind me asking, do you have more counselling appointments booked? If you do, would it be beneficial to write down some of the suggestions that are made? I often walk out the door and forget what has been suggested!

It may be beneficial to write down everything that is troubling you. A wise person mentioned to me recently that some people plan a time to write down or think about their worries and issues. Then it is beneficial to plan something meaningful or positive so your mood picks up again.

Frequently I need to remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have available to me, be that energy, mental health, plans and strategies.

I believe there are occasions where the best we can do is to rest, breathe and accept that everything is not going to be as we desire, and that is okay.

You may find it beneficial to talk to a support worker at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. If you don't feel able to talk, there is a chat on line service as well. I have found these people to be very helpful.

Hope your husband receives all the help and support he needs. It may be beneficial to call Fair Works Australia and ask for suggestions.

Also hope you find resources and assistance to help you through.

From Dools

Dear Tiggerbow~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. It takes a fair bit of courage -or desperation -or both to reach out, and it is sad to hear both you and you husband are going though such hard times.

You autoimmune condition and you husband's work are the sort of things you can't directly influence, life gives some a very hard time and no easy way out. What one can do is try to cope better, and here there is some good news.

For a start your depression and anxiety was controlled in the past with meds and counseling. That potential to improve is still inside you, and is starting to emerge now you have seen GP and a councilor again. For a while it helped. That's great!

I notice you did not mention meds this time around , did you discuss them with your doctor?

Another good thing is your strength. You work full time and did finish your degree, both impressive achievements for someone who had your conditions.

I guess the idea is for those visits to GP and councilor to have a longer effect, and here there are techniques that do help. I too have had bouts of depression and an ongoing anxiety condition and have found that my own actions as well as the doctor's can help.

Beyond Blue has an awful lot to say on both conditions, however I'd suggest you check out firstly

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strategies

which is general and has ideas to help plus also here in the Forum a thread called:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/self-help-tips-for-managing-anxiety

which is very long -but I've waded though it several times, always picking up new ideas others have successfully tried. It all helps.

Come to that maybe your husband might have a look for himself, the waiting will be very hard when away from work

I try to have a time each day I can look forward to, something completely unrelated to ordinary life, for me books and old movies, different of course for others. What do you think might help you take your mind out of the present each day -anything from exercise to games?

Please remember that you really are facing hard knocks, anyone would be hard-pressed to cope, but you have coped before and I have no doubt you will again.

Also try the free smartphone app Smiling Mind, it really does break that cycle of thoughts going around and around. I find it essential at times, even the 2 minute intro

I do hope you come back and talk more, say what works, how things are

Croix

Dear Tiggerbow

Hello and welcome to the forum. It's good to meet you and well done for reaching out for help. It's not easy to ask for help at times but it's so beneficial. When the black dog (depression) returns it is disappointing because we think it has gone for good. However, you have beaten it once so you know you can beat it again. That's what I say when I have 'those moments'.

I am sorry to hear about your medical condition. It's certainly not helpful when other stressors get added to the mix. Plus your husband's difficulties. It's not surprising you feel overwhelmed.

Did you return to your previous counsellor? I think this may have been helpful as you would know each other. Sadly all our problems cannot be managed in one visit to a therapist. It would be lovely if that happened. Can you you make several appointments with whoever you talked to and get some help that way? I know when I was diagnosed with a major medical condition it took a while to get my head round it, as they say. Like you my depression returned and it was upsetting because I thought I was doing so well.

Can you remember how you coped the first time? What helped you to manage? I found I had incorporated some of these learnings into my everyday life which helped me to manage better the second time. What worked in the past can be helpful to manage a repeat performance. Of course having the need to see specialist, take meds and have blood tests etc can be so draining as I have found. Being tired and in pain is no help for anything.

Once something has triggered a memory it does take time to get past it again. The second time can be easier as you know more about it. If I may suggest, book a number of appointments with the therapist and see how you go. Be aware how the the medical condition is impacting on you and what helps to alleviate it, though I understand this may only decrease in time. An autoimmune problem can make you so vulnerable to other illnesses and and generally miserable.

As Dools has said, reminding yourself you are doing the best you can with what you have available is OK. Trying to get well using willpower does not usually work, despite your desire to be resilient. Being resilient also means you take care of yourself to the best of your ability, even if this means resting and recharging the batteries. Sadly one counselling session rarely does the trick immediately. Oh how I wish.

Mary

Thank you all for replying to my post. I felt I was in a very desperate situation. I still do somewhat but I went to my GP again and he has increased my anti depressant medication. I think this will help. I also have some more counselling sessions booked. I am going back to work tomorrow after having three days off. Hopefully that will help as I will be keeping my mind busy. I am going to work through my issues with the counselling and also have on going treatment even when I am feeling well. I think what will be the major stress reliever though will be when my husband finds out about his work. It is the waiting that is the issue. Once again, thank you all. I really appreciate your advice.

Hi Tiggerbow,

It is wonderful to read that you are feeling a little better and have a lot of strategies and ideas planned to help you through this time!

Having realistic expectations of how you will cope and manage is beneficial.

Some days may be worse than others, you may have to look a little harder on those days to find something to be thankful for. Each day I try to find something to be thankful for.

Wishing you and your husband all the best.

Cheers from Dools

UPDATE

My husband had some allegations made against him which were completely false. He was expected to attend a hearing tomorrow morning. We decided to take control and he resigned this afternoon. We went to his work to drop off the resignation and to clear out his desk etc. so many people came up to him with tears in their eyes saying how much he will be missed and how much he had inspired them.

He did address the allegations in his resignation letter so hopefully that will count for something.

i am not sure how I am feeling. The sick, worried and crying feeling seems to have gone. I will discuss this with the counsellor on Monday (my next appointment) but I was wondering if anyone may have any insight or sort of experienced feelings/emotions like this. Could I be ready to collapse? Or am I maybe in shock?. Or because the issue which created the stress is now gone that I might actually be ok? I just wanted to put it out there.

thanks all

I am so glad I found these forums. They have been so helpful.

regards

Dear Tiggerbow~

I can't really say much about your husband's - and your - decision to resign. I would heartily agree some workplaces are so toxic the only thing one can do is leave.

As one would expect with the main obvious cause of stress out hte way one would indeed expect that your most obvious reactions would have abated , this may have been assisted by the increase in your meds.

Trying to be realistic I'd expect if you were like me that other causes of anxiety will start to emerge, perhaps over if it was the right thing to do, perhaps in difficulties with your husband finding alternative employment, and so on.

Still the two of you are together in this and will no doubt give each other support. The fact it was 'our' decision to take control sounds as if you have a cooperative and supportive partnership now. Something to be treasured

I can't see you collapsing, not if your are like me anyway, can't speak for your chronic autoimmune condition of course. The normal ups and downs of anxiety/depression will no doubt be there to be coped with in the future. For now it looks pretty good

Croix