Thank you for your post and sharing your thoughts here with the community. It takes courage to do the first post , so a very warm welcome to the forum .
I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling, and how your thoughts seems to make you feel sad, alone, and frustrated at times.
Talking about your thoughts out loud ( like what you did here in the forum) is a great start . I understand it's easier said than done though sometimes... and yet you've articulated your experience that are perhaps very retable to people out there.
I second Sophie_m's recommendation , and the tips around noticing and challenging thoughts that maybe holding you back.
Intense emotions can sometimes overwhelm our brain, and skew our judgement and perspectives. If you ever feel that way, try take a little break away from whatever you are doing or thinking, and come back to it later when you feel less emotional. Sometimes i find that helpful when I want to break the cycle of perpetuating thoughts.
Start small with your ideas, write them down or draw visuals if it gets too much, one thing at a time.
Do reach out and talk to someone on the hotlines. Speaking about how your feel and what you think does take some practice as well, so keep up what you've started here, and keep at it :)
I hope you'll find some useful sharing from the forum posts by others too.