So, the title pretty much says it all. This year, my mental health took a turn for the worst. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for a few years. I think it has been snowballing for a long time but this Spring, it just spiralled out of control. I began having panic attacks, even at home in bed where I should've felt most safe and comfortable. My anxiety stopped me from working at my casual job for months on end; there were too many occasions where I would call in sick because my anxiety just made me feel so sick, nauseous and dizzy. I sought help from my uni's counsellor but he was no help at all. All he was wanted to talk about was my life as a student and not my life outside of my studies which affected me mentally. It got to the point where I could not leave my house because of how bad my physical symptoms of anxiety were. So, when I couldn't attend my internship and had to drop out of the program I decided it was time to drop out of Uni temporarily this year to focus and recover my mental health.
However, all I found myself doing was watching TV, Netflix and sleeping. I don't do much else. I tried to find hobbies to enjoy but I don't find myself enjoying anything. Is this self-care? I can't tell if I'm putting myself down the rabbit hole even further or if I'm helping myself recover.
The stress and responsibilities of Uni have stopped, but my life stress and obligations are still the same. I'm an assistant caretaker for a family member and am relied on to help our family finances. With COVID making it difficult to get shifts (I only work short shifts 2 times a week), and even more difficult to find a second job the stress of it all becomes too much sometimes. Sometimes, I can't help but feel ashamed that I couldn't continue with Uni while dealing with my life obligations. There are so many people who deal with so much more than me but still push on. I've been asking myself why couldn't I do the same...