Warm welcome to the forums. I'm glad to have you here with us, and that you're able to post the bottled up thoughts that you have on your mind.
It can certainly be tough and scary when we venture out from high school into uni life without knowing what we want to do in life. I feel there's no shame in starting uni a few times, and deferring a few times. That's because we're still young and trying to figure out what we actually want to do; What interests us, what will benefit us, what's going to help society, what are my goals etc. As we go along with our lives and learn/experience new things, we'll start to realize things that really matter to us, and things that we're actually not interested in. But perhaps there's external pressure and stress from society that's forcing us on a path that we do not want to take. It could be our parents, relatives, friends etc. Other external factors could be limited money, available options basing on your geographical location, etc. Life is fairly complex, and it will take time and effort to figure out what we want to do.
I can totally understand the perfectionist trait, as I used to be like that, and even till today, while I still am, I'm slowly working through it. It's not a bad thing to be a perfectionist, but it will make things harder for us to achieve what we want. I learned that life is a constant progression, rather than trying to meet an end destination. Rather than "I must deliver the best", I'm learning to instead "do my best with my current abilities, and do better next time". I try to cut myself some slack, to know that it's okay to fail, so long as I learn to identify the problem, and do better next time.
When we expect perfection, we have this very harsh and cruel expectation from the efforts we put in. If we don't meet that expectation, we feel utterly defeated because that expectation was not met, and we beat ourselves up about it. But if we change our mindset to treat ourselves more kindly and gently, and embrace failures as a way to learn and better ourselves, I feel that's a much better way of living life. It's not easy to swap mindsets immediately (I figured I had a troubled past that caused me to have the perfectionist trait). but constant practice of it and recognizing what needs changing will help you be better at it. Don't be the best, be better than your previous self.
I hope that helps Mina. Happy to chat with you more, or if you'd like to vent further, I'm happy to listen to you.