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Forums / Young people / Uni and failing

Topic: Uni and failing

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lalatheloopyone
    Lalatheloopyone avatar
    4 posts
    23 April 2021

    Hi all,

    I’m currently in my second year of uni and I feel all over the place. I’ve been studying but I always feel distracted and like it isn’t working and last year I was very proactive with my studying and assignments and I would start my assignments weeks before they were due. This year I have been feeling a lot more distracted and my thoughts are all over the place and I’m not sure why but I guess it’s probably a variety of things.

    This year I have not been doing as well with my assignments and tests (failing them by a few marks) and I find it very discouraging when I see my marks and it makes me very upset (although I am a very emotional person). The first things I usually do is look for a way out when things get hard and I feel as if I won’t be able to cope. I hate the feeling of failing and I think I have such high expectations of myself and I feel like my dad (who I live with) only cares about my marks and not about if im my actually enjoying uni - whenever family asks how uni is going and I say yeah it’s alright my dad is quick to jump in and tell them my marks (because I did good last year). I would love any tips on how to deal with this overwhelming sensation of feeling sad when I get a bad mark of feel discouraged.

  2. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10343 posts
    23 April 2021 in reply to Lalatheloopyone

    Dear Lalatheloopyone~

    Not everyone can expect to study at the same intensity and with the same degree of success every uni year - or even between every unit.

    There are so many things that affect how you go, and a father who is blind to this and keeps expecting peak performance no matter what is not a help, he just emphasizes in such a way as any thing else is seen as failure, rather than learning and coping with the downsides of life.

    You have a couple of things that may well have affected you more deeply than you realise, the first being the anniversary of your brother's death near the start of the academic year, and secondly your friendships.

    You have found that going to uni and people drawing apart is not uncommon, and even though you have been a supporter person, at your emotional expense, you are not getting the same in return.

    The units you have to do at the moment may not be interesting, or rely upon skills in areas where you are weak (this applies to everyone). Sadly one fail can lead to more, a sort of loop where discouragement in the first leads to disillusionment and lack of confidence, and round and round it goes.

    OK, so what to do? This may seem to be unrelated but I'd have a physical and mental assessment by your GP, there may well be something there that requires medical support.

    Secondly I'd visit your lectures and tutors and see if you can work out where you are going wrong, if lack of concentration then a study group can be a real asset, where not only is the pace set for you , but by interaction you both lean and teach. It can also be a place where new friendships are formed.

    Uni Councilors are also good peple to talk with, they can be very helpful, for example if you are running late, and may have their own suggestions.

    Not getting enough marks is a challenge, not only in the unit, but it can help you with all areas of life as you learn to cope and adapt. There will always be problems that have to be dealt with.

    Remember if in year one you were very capable of the study that ability is still there inside of you and only needs to be brought out -you can get there.

    Please come back and say how you are going

    Croix

  3. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15268 posts
    24 April 2021 in reply to Lalatheloopyone

    Hello Lalatheloopyone, and thanks so much for posting your comment.

    You can't do what your parents expect of you to do, go to uni, you will have to make decisions on your own eventually, and certainly if you aren't enjoying it or believe you will find a career from the course, then either defer or literally stop, your parents may or may not get a prorata refund, especially if when it's something you don't want to do.

    Your parents aren't going to get you a job in this field.

    When I left school my parents wanted me to go to uni, back in those days eduction was free, but it was three years I really wished I hadn't had to do, I wanted to go out an work, save for a car and establish myself.

    If you do stop going then your parents will have to deal with the situation and maybe you might get a job doing exactly what you want to do, not what your parents want you to do.

    Geoff.

  4. Lalatheloopyone
    Lalatheloopyone avatar
    4 posts
    25 April 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Thank you for your reply I think I do have such high expectations of myself but the way you mentioned that not every unit and every year will be the same has resonated with me. I’ve booked in an appointment with the uni councillor and I am feeling good about having done so.

    Thank you again for the reply,

    The loopy one

  5. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10343 posts
    25 April 2021 in reply to Lalatheloopyone

    Dear LaLa~

    Please don't call yourself the loopy one, it simply is not true and each time you say it you chip away at self respect - even if you do not realise it. You are simply facing one of life's hurdles.

    Booking in with the councilor sounds good common sense, it can take a fair bit of courage to do so, but can help in two ways now, the first being that they may well assist both in practical and other ways, and the second being you can realise you are able to overcome fears, embarrassment and even fright, something valuable to have.

    There will be other units you enjoy and do well in, degrees are designed to give you a mix, and I guess the next thing to really realize is that your father's expectations have only reinforced your perfectionism. not necessarily a good thing.

    When I became ill with anxiety and depression I tried too hard to make one thing perfect, and in the process left out other things due to lack of time. Overall a good quality pass is just fine, HD's are nice but as many students do not go on to work in their disciplines may not count for as much as you think - application and wisdom plus self-knowledge does.

    Please let us know how you go

    Croix

  6. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
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    tranzcrybe avatar
    617 posts
    25 April 2021 in reply to Lalatheloopyone
    The main difference with tertiary studies (although times and expectations have changed over the years) is that it's not really about the marks you receive.
    Following the 'formula' (you may have applied in school) will rarely achieve the desired outcome since the objective is to gain understanding (which ultimately is reflected in grades but read on...) to be an autonomous thinker.
    In some respects, the course work actively seeks to challenge perceptions and compel you to delve deeper (hence your present grades may represent compliance only on a superficial level).
    Pursue comprehension and conceptualisation as your primary focus - grades will reflect your enthusiasm for knowledge as your thinking matures. With acquired wisdom, you will not feel so bad for what your father believes.
    1 person found this helpful

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