I don't even know how to put in writing how I feel anymore, but here we go. Bit of background - for most if not all my life, ive been abused by a father and emotionally and physically manipulated by my mother and sister. I moved out in January this year, and while its been the best decision ive ever made, its also led to a lot of other problems, dramas, and realization. Ive started to realize how much anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc I have - and even become aware of the fact I have had OCD for a long time. Usually i can cope with kind of stuff, and I just work through it, but im finding myself cracking, I feel like I'm falling and I dont know what to do.
R recently I found out I am pregnant (accidently) and will soon have to go through an abortion which is so scary to me, and no one seems to really grasp how this is affecting me even though i have mentioned it, the worst part is I cant even have my family with me.
Over the span of 4 months ive lost so many friends ive lost count, a lot of the time this was because they were toxic, but recently my friend went off at me because I didnt realize they're pronouns were they/them and accidentally referred to them as she a few times - this is completely my fault as I was very much sheltered and kept from things like this by my toxic family, but it really upset and bothers me because I never want to upset someone like that
Ontop of this my current bf doesn't seem to listen to me generally, he tends to ignore me when i express im upset and only realizes he messed up when i start to cry.
Theres so much more i can unpack, problems upon problems, and its all just suddenly made me snap i guess you could say - I feel like i want to cry and scream constantly, Im frustrated, and dont want to be around people at all, ive started to go back to old habit thats are extremely bad for me, and i just feel utterly hopeless...i guess when youve suffered for so many years and have people consantly tell you "it gets better" as their response, yet it never does, you really start to lose hope.
Anyone have any advice on my situation?