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Forums / Grief and loss / A message to my Mum - left this world ONE year ago :( :(

Topic: A message to my Mum - left this world ONE year ago :( :(

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. Neil_1
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    13 October 2015

    Dear Mum

     

    You were always there for me.

     

    Through thick and thin and wow we sure had some troubles.

     

    When I was so young, the amount of times I cried for you when you had to leave the hospital that I was in;  you left and headed off in the dark, to catch a bus to where your parents lived.

     

    So many trips to Sydney back and forth, for operations, for check-ups – all to see how my lip was recovering and determining for when the next operation would be.  10 operations in all – can’t count the amount of trips to Sydney;  but you were there with me every step of the way.

     

    You also had those two awful bouts of breast cancer, together with all the treatment.

     

    Then Dad with his two heart operations – for the 2nd one, I went to Sydney to be with you (and Dad) .

     

    Every time Dad was admitted to hospital, you’d be there with him, by his bed-side.

     

    In 1991, you had to bury your beloved son – which I know you (we) never got over;  how could we?   Something just impossible to do and from that tragedy, that killed off so much within all of us.  Your son, my brother – there could have been 2 drownings that day, but oh no, I was able to save myself, but I couldn’t save my best mate, my bro;  drowned at the age of 29.  Yet you never blamed me, you always stood by me and tried your best to make sure I was ok.  I wasn’t – but then, neither were you (or Dad).

     

    Move to 2007 and we lost Dad to leukaemia – and you were then without your life partner; your soul mate – Dad.

     

    You were a beautiful couple.  I cannot ever recall a fight between the two of you – Dad the laid-back farmer, and you were his wonderful wife, our wonderful Mum, who had to struggle through farm hardships and never having much money, but as kids, we didn’t want for nothing.

     

    Mum, it’s coming up to a year since you’ve gone.  365 days;  almost what they call a year in our human existence – that you’ve no longer been with us.  I cannot tell you the amount of times during this time that I have wanted to call you, to talk to you, to say “hi”, to see “how you are”?

     

    I write this now with tears streaming down my face.

     

    I miss you Mum.

     

    I want to ring you – I want to say “Hi” and I want to tell you I love you.  But I can’t do that and I will never be able to do that again.

     

    I just feel so sad and empty.

     

    I love you Mum – I will love you forever.

     

    I miss you Mum and I will never ever stop missing you.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. geoff
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    13 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1

    dear Neil, my friend, a year has passed so quickly, because time will never stop, not even for our greatest moments, not for the times that were so special to us, not even for the times that we treasure, those beautiful memories that we always keep to ourselves, those that we lock away in our own file of personal memories, and those that we will never forget.

    It certainly is a terrible time for you, Neil, but you have all those memories that you may want to keep to yourself or put them into your own diary with a lock and key, and those people who always want to remember the past times will come back to you so that you can share so beautiful times together with your dear Mum.

    The look into the eyes of her dog who she called Tess, is always a reminder of your Mum, and even the photos that you haven taken of Tess will be with you for forever.

    Please take the upmost care tomorrow. Geoff.

     

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Ladyhawke
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    219 posts
    13 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil,

    ​I'm so very sorry. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Ladyhawke

    1 person found this helpful
  4. July
    July avatar
    243 posts
    13 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1

    Hi Neil,

    What a beautiful and precious son you are....your mum would be ever so proud of you and the man you are, as a mother myself thats all we want for our children..... to be loving and compassionate human beings.

    Your family has clearly been through many life changing events and you can never forget another life that has touched your heart  and soul, our relationships are what form us and bond us for eternity nothing can change that, and your loving memories are yours to treasure and keep within your heart.

    Be thankful you had a wonderful mum and family, our life here is short sometimes, but that doesn't diminish our love for each other.....missing her is understandable, her love, her warmth , she is always within you  , as you are her son and forever a part of each other.

    A mother's love never dies and to be a mother is a precious blessing.....and how lucky she was to have you, so honour her memory and remember all the wonderful times you had as a family , she will always be in your heart. 

    I wish you well, take care.

    July

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Guest_2350
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    585 posts
    13 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1
    Dear Neil,

    I am thinking of you. I cannot find words of comfort as I do not believe these can exist when losing someone who you loved so much and cared for so much. 

    I am thinking of you, I am thinking of your Mum, your Dad, your brother. Please stay in touch.

    Big hugs, Yggy x
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Neil_1
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    16 October 2015

    Dear all;

     

    Thank you so much for all your kind words and responses.

     

    Geoff, your experience and ability to understand situations is amazing.  Thank you for taking the time to respond.

     

    Dear Ladyhawke, thank you for kind words and thoughts.  Words can be very therapeutic and they don’t have to be a whole rambling amount (as you find when you read a lot of my posts) – it’s a beautiful skill to be able to write succinctly and still get your message across.

     

    July, again your response and words took me on my own journey of memories with Mum.  Only fleetingly though, as for the most part (especially over the last week or so) I’ve been laced with thoughts of Mum’s last week and last days.  And as you can imagine, these aren’t the special and wonderful images that I should be having, so again it’s like my mind is doing this to torture myself.  I don’t know why this happens;  I guess this is just one of my issues that I am unable to control.  Kind of like a switch in my mind/brain, where perhaps a lot of people have it turned off – I have mine turned on and as a result, I get all the bad images and memories that dominate my mind.

     

    Yggy,  thank you also for your wonderful message and kind words.  You know it’s always really difficult to know “what to say” to someone who has lost a loved one and is grieving – and along with the others, your response to me was really lovely and heartfelt.

     

     

    So I continue along – because I have to.  The alternative is not an option – my two amazing children are the reason that that is not an option.  But the mind tortures you, it stresses, it produces anxiety, worry – look I could continue on, but I’m hoping you’re getting my gist here;  so I’ll just finish off and say:

     

    Thank you.

     

    Neil

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Ladyhawke
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    219 posts
    16 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil,

    ​Thank you for your lovely and touching responses.

    Remember, there will always be someone here when you need contact.

    Ladyhawke

  8. Zeal
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    18 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil,

    I'm so sorry for your losses. Your message was beautiful. Your Mum, and your whole family, sound like they were so caring and loving. I hope you are doing okay, and that you give yourself time to relax and reflect if you need it.

    Take care of yourself,

    SM

     

  9. Paul
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    18 October 2015 in reply to Neil_1

    Big hugs Neil,

    Your mum lives in your heart now. Protected by your love. Cry, sing, talk, ramble and smile any time now, knowing she sees and hears what you want her to.

    I hope your pain turns to fondness and warmth.

     

    Paul

  10. Alan1
    Alan1 avatar
    52 posts
    29 April 2016

    HI Neil,

    Just getting around to try an look a other items in this site and came across this.

    Such Lovely words, all these words and emotions that we all get caught up in do help us I am sure with all the pain that we feel each day. The words you say prove that your Mum and Dad were wonderful people that you looked up to an loved and still love. Every milestone brings everything to front and centre in our minds.

    The death of our parents changes everything , time changes nothing we miss them as much today as the day they passed. All I can say is that it keeps them close which seems to make their presence important and valuable beyond words can say. It validates the time they spent with us gives the whole meaning of life purpose.

    Please take care Neil and look after yourself, I just loved reading this message to your mother and thankyou for sharing this with us.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Neil_1
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    2 May 2016
    Hi Alan (and others),

    Moving on and it’s a bit over a year and a half – nothing much changes really.

    So moving on, really are just two words that one uses. A bit like when someone EVERY DAY asks, “how are you?” and the response is the ever generic, “Good thanx”, “Fine”, “Ok”, “Not bad”, “Not too bad” (my personal fave, cause there’s 3 words used).

    The grief continues – the longing to see them again, to hear from them. This unfortunately for me is tripled, as it relates not only to Mum, but also to Dad and also to my brother.

    This is something that I do not deal with very well – deal with my grief. I’ve tried so many methods, so many … so many everything, but after all the boiling and bubbling settles, there it still is – the grief, the hurt, the sadness and so much more, that I don’t need to go into at this time.

    I’ve still got Mum’s little dog Tess who we all adore. But her arthritis is getting worse as well as she’s got some kind of old injury to her legs which, perhaps should have been addressed years ago, that is causing her problems with walking. She can get around ok, but is limpy and now can’t get up the stairs in our place, where when she first arrived (well, after a bit, she was able to). As she’d never experienced stairs before, but after a while, she was good with them.

    We’ve got a new lot of tablets for her to take (the last ones reacted unfavourably with her); so hopefully these ones she can manage and if so, it could help ease her a bit. We’re so hoping that this is the case, cause otherwise, the Vet told us that if things continue on this path, we’ll have to look closely at what her quality of life is. My partner and daughter comforted me after this, cause the tears came at the implications that would bring.

    I sit with her and just give her little rubs on her chest while she just sits on my lap – just ‘grinning’ away as she does.

    Neil
  12. Guest_2350
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    585 posts
    2 May 2016 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil,

    welcome back. I missed you.

    Enjoy spending time with Tess, you must have missed her a lot. I'm here for you.

    Take care, Yggy

  13. blondguy
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    2 May 2016 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil & Tess

    Welcome back :-) I just saw this post pop up and I cant even begin to comprehend your pain/grief. I do love the way you write and that first post was hard to read yet so very tenderly spoken. Your mum dad and your brother..oh Neil.

    Respectfully yours

    Paul

  14. Neil_1
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    3 May 2016 in reply to Guest_2350

    Thanx Yggy and Paul,

    You know, I look back now and read that letter (from above) and think, did I really write that? But I guess I did.

    I also think, wow, wouldn't that have been super special to have had Mum read it, or it to be read to her - so you could know how much she meant. Yes, she knew we loved her and how much she meant, but just to hear those words.

    It's all too late now of course.

    Had a bit of a low one last evening, as is my want - thoughts transcending back to Mum's final hours, etc. Why do we do that to ourselves, and indeed, so often. I don't think it's human nature, it's just the make-up of the person, cause I'm sure that a lot of others wouldn't do this kind of thing.

    Again, that's just me I guess.

    Thanx for listening - or actually, thanx for reading.

    Neil

  15. geoff
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    3 May 2016 in reply to Neil_1
    dear Neil, today is when you are supposed to have a good time, but I know that it hasn't been, and my heart feels so much for you, because it's an enormous gap that has never been able to heal, from the loss of your brother, and then your Dad passing away and now that your Mum has not been with you for over a year has caused so much pain and sorrow for you is absolutely heart breaking, as there are only very special people who are able to hold such warm thoughts about the closest family they have lost, and mourn them for not being with you.
    It's a treasured memory that you are able to hold onto and now that Tess is getting old is something which you never want to happen, because she's a reminder of your lovely Mum, but you know when Tess looks at you that your Mum talking to you, and that's beautiful. Geoff.
  16. Guest_2350
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    585 posts
    3 May 2016 in reply to Neil_1

    Dear Neil,

    your Mum will always be with you in your heart and in your memories. How is little Tess?

    If you feel like it at some point, no rush, it would be lovely to hear from your holiday adventures. I hope you had a lovely time with your family and everything went smoothly. How have you found it coming back home?

    Take care, Yggy

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