Aren't you over your grief yet?
Why are you still sad? Go and buy yourself something to cheer yourself up?
Why are you upset on Mother's Day?
You can't come to Church this week as we are celebrating so and sos baby and we don't want you there upsetting everyone and spoiling their happy moment.
My sister in law asked for the maternity dress her parents had given me and wore it to family occasions for both her pregnancies. My husband had given it to her.
We were told we couldn't possibly have Christmas at our place as we had no children.
I was not invited to my sister in laws children's parties because I had no children.
Church people got together for outings, picnics and family gatherings, I had no children so I was not invited.
It is not just the loss of life, it is the loss of identity. Believing I am not good enough because my babies died.
Did my past pregnancy loss cause these babies to die? How often have I asked myself if I brought this on myself.
I tried grief counselling. I was told I was lucky not to have children. Another counsellor told me my babies died, they didn't even exist.
Their anniversaries come and go.
Last year my Dad died very unexpectedly. Old wounds of grief resurfaced. How do you deal with new grief when you have no idea what to do with the old?
I sought counsel from a person I thought might be able to help. I was told "People die. That is what they do".
I don't always know what to say to people either when a loved one dies or when they are in emotional pain due to some kind of loss. I just hope I have some compassion and can show sympathy even if I don't have the words to say.
Getting these thoughts out of my mind has helped a little. Time to move on with my day.