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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

Topic: Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

  1. Elizabeth CP
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    12 August 2019 in reply to Guest_1055
    Thanks Shell for your understanding support. I'm not sure what sort of help would really help. So much of my current problems require me to deal with them. I need to get to a point where I set things up so carers can do some of the therapy but I need the time to type out instructions. The complication is my husband has deterirated this year so the exercises keep changing so I start typing & then have to change it before it is finished
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  2. Doolhof
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    13 August 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    That feeling of not being in control can certainly trip us up and cause all sorts of anxiousness and other issues.

    Hopefully your son is making head way with the insurance issues. Even when we hand something over to another person, it can be difficult at times to totally let go.

    I agree with what others have written here, there is some wonderful caring suggestions for you. I really love the way this community reaches out to each other.

    Hopefully you can instigate ways to gain more positives in your life. This is something I need to do as well!

    When you are trying to do something like type up the exercises for your husband and you are interrupted, would it help to tell your self this is just an interruption, it is frustrating, you may feel overwhelmed and then take a few deep breathes and try again.

    It must be tiring for you, caring for and being concerned for your husband. Hope you can find some moments of peace.

    All the best from Dools

  3. Elizabeth CP
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    21 August 2019 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks Dools & sorry I haven't replied.Normal interuptions are annoying but easy to accept them and get back to what needs doing. The interuptions which are problematic are those that trigger a huge stress reaction or those which involve lots of time to deal with. Yesterday was an example. Started off tired but OK. got hubby off & then did a couple of things before heading to my gym class (which is beneficial ) arrived home planning to work through a few things on my long list before heading off to an appointment fr exposure therapy. Then phone rang to say hubby was awaiting an ambulance. Person reassured me he was OK but that isn't believable when ambulance is required. Then need to wait for call to find out where he's going. No point in me driving until I know whats happening as he is over 1 hr away from me. Stress levels skyrocket & concentrating impossible. On top of that I'm receiving multiple messages from my son re my house/insurance issue & trying to get my head around what I need to do. Get told the name of hospital which is near the city so not easy to get to from my place by car. old the hospital will ring with an update once he's arrived & they decide what he needs. I then attend appointment with my phone waiting for call which didn't come. Eventually I get through & find he's been sent home after treatment by taxi. The rest of the afternoon is spent trying to assist him Even today he's exhausted from yesterday's events so I'm on very high alert watching out for him to ensure he is OK. Meantime there are more calls re house & things to sort. I need to be putting my point of view forward clearly & professionally so issues can be sorted when I'm feeling so stressed & tired I just want to hide. The other issues I need to deal with just keep being delayed.
  4. Elizabeth CP
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    18 October 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP
    I haven't posted here for a while. Life has been too busy & it was too hard to explain what was happening. I finally got a payout from the insurance company but am still trying to get the kitchen repaired. My son helped when he could but he has his own family including a new baby. He's had some challenges including his baby becoming very ill & requiring hospitalization. I've been sick for the last few weeks with a chest infection. I suspect lack of sleep due to stress left me unable to fight anything off. I'm noticing my jaw is very sore which happens when stress & anxiety levels are high as I clench my teeth. one of my son's is in a psych hospital I feel guilty for not giving him much support but I don't live near & I've been too sick. My daughter is also going through a difficul time as her MIL died in difficult circumstances. My husband had surgery last week. I guess there is not much anyone can do to help
  5. Croix
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    18 October 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    It is a pleasure to hear from you again, and even if we have no cure-it-alls we can listen and empathize .

    Would you like to say about your husband's operation and how he is?

    I suspect despite the illness you have given as much as you possibly can anyway to all in need.

    I hope you get some sleep and the stress goes down. Also the clenching of theteeth -unless you are like me and can get a new set of finest plastic ones made up whenever the current set wears down:)

    Croix (who displays fine dentition in his avatar)

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  6. Elizabeth CP
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    19 October 2019 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix for your caring reply, My husband's operation went very well fortunately. Good anesthetist decided to avoid the complications of a general & tried a local. He was very sore for a day & tired but much better than expected. I'd worried beforehand as he'd had a recent emergency admission to hospital where they were only able to do a temporary fix but left him at risk of a repeat episode until surgery repaired problem properly.

    I'm struggling to work out how to deal with the multiple stressors in my life. I feel unmotivated but also struggle to relax so I feel like I don't acheive anything.

  7. Croix
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    19 October 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I'm glad you husband had a wise anesthetist and all went well. Mrs C had a hip done under an epidural (with sedation) and it made the world of difference not having a general. She was chattering on the phone the same evening. (i.e. business as usual:)

    I'm sure you know already but having too many things on your plate will itself produce a lack of motivation, trying to deal with the impossible often does that, for me at least.

    Successfully relaxing is itself an achievement, a very necessary one. If you manage for a while it is a victory, no matter what you think ( I tend to forget this at times and have to remind myself).

    Croix

  8. Elizabeth CP
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    24 October 2019 in reply to Croix
    I thought I was getting over my chest infection & trying to motivate myself to get essential work done around my house. Having holes in the wall & power points hanging out where the tiles were removed 2 mths ago makes retiling the kitchen essential. I need the flooring laid as it is n't great to walk in the kitchen currently. Unfortunately my attempt to try moving forward with the house has sent me backwards health wise. Today I feel worse than ever & my husband keeps nagging me to go to emergency even tough I only saw the GP today. My family aren't able to help. One son still in psych ward with no sign of improvement. Other son who normally helps when I'm stuck is snowed under with urgent jobs & tight time frame to fit in with trades people. My daughter is still struggling the fallout since her MIL died recently leaving huge debts & lots of problems to sort. 'm worried about the risk of my husband catching my infection which could be life threadening. I don't know how to change things. My mood is realy low due to the stress & frustration
  9. Croix
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    24 October 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    It does sound very much like you need domiciliary care at the moment. This will relieve the stress on you so you can concentrate on getting better, and at the same time allow you a degree of separation from your husband so he does not catch your infection

    I'd ring our 24/7 help line 1300 22 4636 and ask what is available in your area.

    Please let us know how you get on

    Croix

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  10. Elizabeth CP
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    2 November 2019 in reply to Croix

    Unfortunately arranging people to care for my husband is problematic because \his condition is rare so I need to spend time informing people of his needs which I didn't feel able to manage. I am feeling a bit better. I do need to arrange extra supports for the long term to reduce the pressure when I'm unwell but I need time & energy to do that effectively. I'm feeling a bit better but trying to get back to things slowly so I don't relapse.

    My son has been in hospital for over a month. Repeated shock treatments & more planned because he'snot better yet!!! This bothers me as it seems to be making him worse not better. I have only spoke to him on the phone because I'm not up to the long drive to visit (several hours each way) I feel powerless.

  11. Doolhof
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    2 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    I've not dropped in here for a while. Sorry to read you have so many issues happening at present.

    Hope your health improves and you are able to get that house all sorted soon.

    It must be concerning regarding the care of your son in hospital. It is good you are able to telephone him and have a chat with him, that must ease your mind a little.

    I know this has probably been asked before, is it possible for your husband to have respite care somewhere for a while to give you a rest? Or is his medical condition such that this is not possible?

    Hope you find some answers.

    Kind regards from Dools

  12. Elizabeth CP
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    3 November 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Thanks Dools, Lat attempt to let my husband go away so I could have a break proved such a disaster I promised not to repeat the experience.

    Last night he ended up in emergency after a nasty incident when visiting a friend. One minute he was fine the next minute choking & very unwell. Afterwards he struggled to breath so I drove him to the hospital. He's much better now but still tired. I find it hard because it is so unpredictable.

    I'm feeling tired & teary today.

  13. Doolhof
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    4 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth,

    I can't begin to understand what it is like for your husband and yourself when such incidents occur. No doubt it must be frightening, confronting and so many other things.

    Is there something you can do to help release some of the tension and stress you no doubt feel?

    Sorry to read the last attempt at care for your husband did not go well by the sounds of it. Do you have other options?

    Tears can be exhausting, I also find them to be healing.

    Thinking of you both, from Dools

  14. Elizabeth CP
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    6 November 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Thanks Dools, I appreciate you care & kind words.

    I'm unsure of options for my husband. Currently I feel too overwhelmed with multiple stresses to be able to think clearly to come up with a solution. I am feeling very tired. 7 know there are things I need to do but can't get motivated. Husband has fallen asleep in the chair. He seems overtired lately Psych prescribedmeds which I've picked up but I'm really s cared of taking them because of previous bad experiences

  15. Croix
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    7 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I've been unable to post recently and have only just read waht has been happening to you - and your son.

    It can seem overwhelming when there is no clear solution in sight and exhaustion prevents clarity of taught. Very upsetting indeed and tears are in no way surprising.

    Is there anyone sensible and practical you can talk over at least some of your options with?

    I too have at times been reluctant to take particular meds due to side effects. It is little use your psych prescribing meds if you are too apprehensive to take them. Do you think it is worth discussing these difficulties with your psych? After all it would be easy for hm or her to go down the wrong track, assuming they were working, when in fact they are not.

    Perhaps there are alternatives?

    I hope you manage to get some rest

    Croix

  16. Elizabeth CP
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    8 November 2019 in reply to Croix

    I have started the meds which were prescribed. The psyc is aware of my reluctance to take meds. I was referred to him by a GP who'd tried various meds but all had to be stopped due to side effects with no benefits. He tried a different med which was worse than any so I refused to take any more. This tie he's given me a very low dose to reduce risk of side effects but that he thinks will help the anxiety which has become a real issue lately.

    The last 2 days I've felt exhausted & wake up with headaches. Today I have a sore throat but that could be from nasal spray prescribed by my GP or from all my coughing. I feel even more depressed than ever. Unsure if that is the meds or just stress due to husband's situation. Yesterday took him to GP for review following incident on Sat night which went OK but then my husband told her that I was sick so she checked me quickly & made some recommendations which have helped but may be causing some side effects . Today saw a health professional with my husband & session became rather tense as she tried ti fit in with my husband's wishes which I wasn't happy about as this had led to problems in the pst which I was left to deal with. She was willing to listen to me & consider my concerns but I'm finding it difficult constatly walking a tightrope trying to give my husband control of his life but trying to avoid the negative consequences which directly impact me.

    I have a good psychologist but can't always see him as often as I need. I feel I need to find someone to speak to who can give me direct guidance regarding the issues I'm facing Pych's can listen & help me vent & also help to clarify my thinking & help me avoid negative thinking patterns but I think at the moment I need someone who actually knows where I can turn to for help to provide more direct practical support I'm just not sure where to turn.

  17. blondguy
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    9 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth

    I wrote to you on the 3rd and its not there....anyway...

    I didnt know the pain you have been going through until I read Dool's post above. I cant even start to understand your situation...

    Just my very humble opinion....from what you have mentioned above you are a super caring person who has way too much on their plate Elizabeth and trying to care for everyone (including yourself) at the same time...

    You took your husband for a review and he mentioned that you were ill...and then you had recommendations made to you....this would have awkward for you. I know you are an honorable person by respecting your husbands wishes yet the visit was a review for your husband...This would have been very difficult for you

    Walking a 'tightrope to provide your husband control of his life' would be tough on anyone not to mention your own well being (as you know of course)

    You asked about seeking more direct practical support......I really hope you can make a double appointment with your doc (GP) asap....I dont know if you are comfortable doing so Elizabeth yet this will provide you with some immediate help.....instead of waiting days/weeks for an appointment with a counselor. This is my 23rd year seeing my doc (GP) every 6 weeks for a 'fine tune' where my own anxiety and meds are concerned

    I really do hope we can help Elizabeth....my apologies for the long post

    respectfully yours

    Paul

  18. Elizabeth CP
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    9 November 2019 in reply to blondguy
    Thanks Paul. Yes it was awkward having my issues being brought up at my husband's appointment but on the positive it was my husband's way of saying he was concerned about me and the GP recognized that I wasn't well. (We both see the same GP) I had seen the GP a number of times over the last month & been given 3 lots of antibiotics. The previous visit I was told that my cough was just lingering from the long period of being unwell & would get better on its own. I'd therefor given up going to the GP thinking there was nothing left to do and I just needed to put up with the remaining symptoms. I will give myself a week on these new psych meds & if I'm stil struggling I'll go back to the GP to discuss the side effects. I keep getting told to get someone to help with the housework / someone to help my husband with things I'm currently helping him with etc etc. This sounds easy & logical but finding the right person to help is too hard. I'm so overloaded with things needing to be arranged & so may appointments that trying to ring up to make arrangements feel overwhelming. As far as getting people to help my husband I need to first arrange to train them when I'm struggling to keep up with his changing needs so trying to arrange that is too hard.
  19. Croix
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    9 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I hope that cough does clear up soon. Trying to balance things is next to impossible at times.

    The only good thing I can say is a close friend had carers daily and while some would just go though the motions and not display any initiative, over time there built up a number that actually cared, learned to adapt and went well beyond what they were meant to in terms of hours and duties.They became the regulars.

    They actually became friends. -and were dependable.

    So I'm hoping you can persevere long enough to find people like these. They are most definitely there.

    Croix

  20. Doolhof
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    10 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    Feeling so anxious and overwhelmed (understandably) can make us feel so exhausted. Is it possible to make a list and slowly work through what is on it, even if it take s a week to achieve and you have to break tasks down.

    It may be stressful getting the help you need, hopefully you will find the strength to do so.

    Some days my mind just shuts down and I struggle to do anything, so I do understand that concept of trying to achieve something being too difficult. Hopefully the medication will assist you and offer you some relief so you can push through.

    Thinking of you, cheers from Dools

  21. Elizabeth CP
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    13 November 2019 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks Dools & Croix. Sorry I didn't reply earlier. I read you replies soon after you wrote them but didn't have the energy to think how to reply. Since starting the new meds I've had constant headaches & feeling really down. My mood is slightly better than at the start but still feeling very tired. A few times I've thought my cough & nose problems are getting better but when I stopped the medication for them I got sick again. Unfortunately the side effects for that medication is really affecting me as well. I hope I start feeling better soon so I can get my life back on track
  22. blondguy
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    14 November 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth

    I understand that you have and are going through so much in your life. I respect your reluctance where meds are concerned Elizabeth as I used to be exactly the same. Can I ask how you felt after your very low dose of meds for anxiety that were prescribed? I still take my AD's and have a script for a anti anxiety med when required since 1996

    my very best for you...your husband and your family always

    Paul

  23. Elizabeth CP
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    15 November 2019 in reply to blondguy
    Thanks Paul, I understand that for some people meds are essential & the benefits far out way the side effects. For me that hasn't worked. Since taking these meds I've seen little improvement but constant tiredness & headaches. The headaches are particularly bad in the morning. This makes it harder to function making me feel worse about myself & situation. I'm also getting unpleasant side effects which I suspect are from meds my GP prescribed but when I tried to stop them the side effects lessened but but my original problem came back. I need to get back to the GP to discuss what is happening & check if the meds could be interfering with each other.
  24. Elizabeth CP
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    22 December 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    I've been struggling over the last month. I made a couple of attempts to post but struggled to work out what to say. I started ADs after seeing my psych in Nov. Really hated the side effects but other stuff was occuring so that made it hard to tell what was causing what. Settled down a bit but still felt extremely tired with no reason.My psych cancelled the review appointment in Dec. I arranged to see my GP. I wanted to come off the meds. She instead said I needed to increase the dose as the dose was too low to lift the depression. I VERY reluctantly agreed. Result extreme anxiety, tiredness, feeling generally yuck!!! My husband came home Friday & wanted me to stop the meds immediately because he was worried I'd need to go to hospital otherwise. I had rung an online pharmacist who was helpful & recommended continuing at least until I see my GP tomorrow.

    Unfortunately this is a terrible time to be dealing with side effects of meds. I recommenced exposure therapy a couple of weeks ago. I had stopped because I felt I as wasting time going as he was getting sidetracked with other issues. When I saw the psych in Nov I mentioned the increased issues regarding summer & fires caused by the early bushfire season so he asked me to return to the person for exposure therapy. The session was OK but has stirred things up. Of course now he's on leave for Christmas & the psych is not available until the end of Feb. My GP has only a limited understanding of what has been happening so can't support much. Last week was extremely hot & even though I was able to keep the house cool knowing it was hot & a total fire ban & smoke smells outside was too much to handle. I can't see how I can cope this time of year with the added stress of meds side effects even if they are temporary. Sorry if this post is jumbled I need advice but my brain isn't clear enough to think logically ATM

  25. Croix
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    22 December 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I'm sorry you are in such a state. No your post is not jumbled at all, it is quite clear. I've not much to offer except to say firstly that going off A/Ds cold turkey is a bad idea, you can get all sorts of reactions. If you husband has noticed the effect on you then yes, something needs to be done, and tailing off under medical supervision may well be the answer, not increasing the dosage.

    I do exactly understand sometimes it is difficult or impossible to tell what in life is affecting you, and what is the result of meds.

    I'm not sure exposure therapy in the middle of bush fire season is ideal either. I'm simply guessing but just having the outside smelling of smoke may undo any good it might do.

    Is there any way you can stay elsewhere, with a family member perhaps, for a bit? I know your husband's condition makes that very awkward, but it might be viable -what do you think?

    I'd also suggest if you are not 100% happy with your exposure therapist -or any therapist for that matter - then please change. I beleive it is the relationship and confidence as much as the type of therapy that has the greatest positive effect.

    Please come back and talk some more

    Croix

  26. Elizabeth CP
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    23 December 2019 in reply to Croix

    Thanks for your reply Croix. It is nice to feel you care. Went back to the GP today. She wants me to stay on the ADs at the higher dose because that was the psych originally wanted. I've only been on the higher dose for a week so the side effects are still very strong but the benefit hasn't kicked in. Been prescribed some anti anxiety meds to tide me over. I would prefer to at the most take the low dose until things are more settled. It is too hard dealing with the higher dose this time of year with psychiatrists & psychologists on holidays. My psychologist recommended some things to try to overcome some negative patterns of behaviour. I feel these would be beneficial but it is too hard to push myself to do them when I'm so anxious.

    You mentioned staying elsewhere. That is not an option, I don't live in a high fire risk area & everywhere in Australia is hot & at risk. The smell of smoke is drifting from 100s of km away but that doesn't stop it triggering me.

  27. Croix
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    23 December 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    Pity about the smoke, I can well imagine the effect on you. A particular disinfectant smell can do it for me.

    So what have you decided about the meds, go with the GP and continue on with a strong dose for a while, with maybe anti-anxiety meds too? It's true a week is not long for A/Ds to stabilize.

    Do you mind if I ask what the techniques were your psych suggested?

    How is your husband BTW?

    Croix

  28. Elizabeth CP
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    24 December 2019 in reply to Croix

    Thanks Croix. The GP really wants me to stay on this increased dose. I'll try to stick it out for another week until I see her next. I can't see the anti anxiety meds helping as they'll make me more tired & dopey which will be worse.

    My husband is OK at the moment although that could change any minute. There are signs that the disease is progressing hand function weaker, speech more affected and more frequent coughing episodes so I need to keep up with all his exercises to minimize the deterioration.

    You asked about what the psychologist suggested. One of my problems is when it is hot I feel trapped inside. I avoid going out into the heat out of fear of sunburn & the heat. To keep the house cool I close the blinds which keeps the house cooler but affects my mood making me feel even more trapped. I suspect it also makes me uneasy because I can't see what is happening outside. My pych suggested choosing a room where the sun isn't coming in and working in there with blinds up & then moving when the sun shifts to that part of the house. I need to keep a list of things that are suitable to do inside on hot days which will engage my mind to help me focus on something other than the heat and leave me feeling that I've done something useful or pleasant at the end of the day. Trouble is with this medication I feel so tired & anxious I can't focus on anything which sends me into a downward spiral.

    I don't see how this increased dose can help. It took over a month on the low dose before I could start to function & then was still feeling very tired. The GP assumed the tiredness was a symptom of the depression so she wanted me to increase the dose to manage that but I can't cope with another month of these side effects this time of year. Doing little to cope with the tiredness is making me feel more useless & affecting my mood.

  29. Croix
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    24 December 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Dear Elizabeth~

    I don't know enough about meds to say much, though deciding to stick it out for the week sounds sensible, even if unpleasant.

    Moving from room to rooms sounds parasitical too, even if a bother. At one stage you said you had a heap of photos to sort, is the all done now?

    I'm please you husband is still sort of OK at hte moment, do you think you might have a room you could go wiht air conditioning. I do remember he did not feel comfortable in it however it might be a respite for you

    I'd like to wish you both the best Holiday Season possible in the circumstances and that the New Year will be good to you

    Croix

  30. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8853 posts
    25 December 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth and hello to Croix as well,

    Elizabeth, I don't like it when we have the house all closed up to keep the summer heat out either. I do as your psychologist has suggested. I follow the cooler rooms around the house.

    Other things I have found that help are to look at beautiful natural places on the computer screen, I Google gardens, country scenes, anything that looks alive and pretty.

    Sometimes I light a candle. I have a big jar I put them in so they are safe with a fan or the air conditioner on.

    I try to go outside early in the morning or late in the evening, even if it is for a few minutes.

    I wish you both all the very best for Christmas!

    Cheers from Dools

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