Oh so glad I found you before Christmas darling girl......Merry Christmas and heaps of love to you and your family and your dog and whatever else you hold dear.....At last I think this damn chest and throat is beginning to tolerate some food particles getting down there again after they poked around, shoving instruments and cameras down my neck in hospital....

didn't know how good a few mouthfuls of ice cream or cereal could taste after a few days of starving! I think it may be on the mend...thank God! (I know it is nothing compared to what you have to deal with oh Carol...sorry I am such a whinger)

Funny you mentioning the Dragon Slayer...he called in yesterday to see how I was feeling... on his electric bicycle (which he loves, the show-off) heard this ring ring of the bell...I looked awful, no make-up, very fragile, in terrible pain and started to tear up as soon as I saw his dear old face! So I wasn't my usual scintillating flirtatious best I'm afraid.

Late that afternoon he rang to check on me again...and I swear the pain disappeared as soon as I heard his voice! How can that be possible? He's not a bad old rock to lean on....Have a good one Carol..luv u..x

Moon, I'm so glad that surgery is behind you. Good to know you had a caring visitor to make you feel better...vulnerable moments can be just as attractive as scintillating flirtations :-)

Keep enjoying the sweet, gooey stuff. At least, you've got yourself a legitimate excuse. Now you can indulge excess without guilt.

Carol, long time no see around the forums. What pleasure to bump into you here...I hope you will enjoy a pain and hassle-free Xmas.

Good Christmas morning to everyone on this thread and anyone who would like to join in.

I know for some of us this isn't our favourite time of year, for many different reasons. But I hope your day is peaceful and that you are kind to yourselves. Don't forget, this too will pass. And tomorrow there's cricket on the tele! (sorry, it works for me 😊)

If you are alone today, you don't have to be. You can share our virtual Christmas right here. I've put some nibbles out and there's coffee on the go.

Best wishes to all our friends, old and new. (I don't mean old as in old, although I am, old that is, but old as in ... oh you know what I mean).

Cheers

Kaz

Merry Christmas Morn to everyone!

Wishing all a peaceful day with family and loved one's. For those who are alone, BeyondBlue is the place to find comfort and friends. So lean in and share the love; here's mine with bells on!!

Hugs all round...Sara xoxo

Merry Christmas Sara....Merry Christmas everyone! No matter how you're feeling.....we're here with you...you are not alone! Oh well must dash - a huge pile of fresh prawns still smelling of the sea awaits me..

.(to be eaten very slowly unfortunately due to being kicked in the chest by gentle-faced masked people in long blue cotton jumpsuits!) However.....onwards an upwards....I will survive...or what did The Beatles say "I'll get by with a little help from my friends"...........luv yez all........Moon S xx

Merry Christmas everyone.

Star, lovely to bump into you too. I hope you and your furry friends are well.

Moon, I am pleased to see you in good spirits despite the physical traumas from those in blue jumpsuits. Yummy prawns! I am glad DS is checking in on you. He does sound like a good sort. Bug hugs and lots of love to you dear friend.

A special thought for all of you, myself included, who are missing people this year. I am spending a little time thinking about happy memories.

If you are alone today I hope you find a way to celebrate yourself. You are special and important and never alone with the beautiful BB forum people.

May you all find something to be greatful for today and hopefully some inner peace.

Much love,

Carol xx

Good to know you have graduated from ice cream to prawns :-)

I hope everyone is having a good day. Sat net is on the blink due to lousy weather so it will be short posts only until things improve (or I am cut off altogether !).

Hi KAZZL. I used to busk alot in brisbane.but i refuse to pay a greedy council for a permit .thats why most of the really good ones left.its such a greedy council here. Got my new guitar.its great. Max

Feeling pretty pleased that the day is nearly over!

It was nowhere near as difficult as it has been in the past. Maybe the light at the end of this tunnel isn't an oncoming train?

Had no contact from my family but wasn't expecting it, so not disappointed.

A friend asked me to look after a rescue horse of hers while she's away so spent the day loving her. Also spent time with my dogs and my own horses. A nice peaceful day with no human contact apart from my partner, my idea of heaven right now.

I hope the day wasn't too stressful for everyone else?

Glad you love your new guitar Max!

Hey Max, new guitar! Nice!

Hi Destiny Driver, I am pleased the day was easier than expected. Sounds like a beautiful day. Caring for others and being kind is in the very heart of Christmas. Great work.

...anyone else spend christmas entirely alone , just crying in their beds, wanna join my pity partt?

ok but seriously tho, christmas doesnt hurt so much anymore. not that the day's gotten better, (worse actually) just that i dont have any expectations anymore so im not let down

i did spend the day crying & drinking alone in my room, but thats how i spend everyday so really it was just the same as normal

im sti sad tho, not about how it went, but because of what how it went means. im sadder that i dont have a family to celebrate something like this with, that we dont do the gatherings the bbq or any of the cliche crap thats overhyped & probably a bit unrealistic that i still want

i wish i was the kind of person with the kind of life where holidays made me happy and not depressed and birthdays made me excited and not suicidal. thatd be nice.

ok 1am pity party over.

Oh Carol.....sorry i couldn't wish you a Merry Christmas on the right day....I had another offer I just couldn't refuse.....a lovely painkiller drip!......Drop into the BB Cafe and I'll tell you all about it!!!

Catch up later this week hopefully - I am now dreaming of handsome young surgeons in blue cotton jump suits and Santa Hats -it's a long long story.....rock on 2017!!

Hi dear EKT,

No, I will not join your "pity party", just sit a while on the edge of your bed, give you a heart-felt hug and dry your tears with a corner of the sheet.

Like you, I didn't talk with another human all day (like many other days !). Unlike you, it didn't make me feel sad. But it was a long day, so I'm relieved it's over. I guess I can't miss what I never had so all is well. For some of us, being alone doesn't necessarily mean feeling lonely.

Today is another day. Perhaps you can come up with a small thing to make it a better one than yesterday. BB is an uncommon family, a special one who understands mental/emotional distress and offers unconditional support. It accepts people just as they are and appreciates their individuality. It is more than can be said of many families in the outside world.

It is good to have you with us.

Hi. Sorry I havent read the entire thread - I figured it best to join in than start my own.

Christmas is harder every year. I was hoping it would get easier but its just harder in a different way.

I had been sick with illness the 2 days leading up to christmas. Christmas day my carer called a doctor he was so worried. They gave me antiboiotics, anti nausea and told me to send a poo sample off - but forgot to give me the pack.

I didnt receive any gifts or texts, cards or christmas wishes.

I used the change I found in the car to buy my carer a pressie. He didnt like it much, I didnt get anything from him.

I re-activated social media - I suppose in the hope someone would remember me. But no one did.

The day itself was not bad, it was nice not to be alone all day. But ever since its back to normal hours. My carer is gone half the day and out every second night. It feels cruel to have got me used to the support and company and then left to fend alone looking through the fun everyone else is able to have with all their fancy money and loving family.

And when I express my feelings that chirstmas has really lost the joy for me - I am told to get pregnant and have children to bring it back. How is this a reasonable suggestion for a permanently disabled single person? It makes me mad, and then the spiral continues.

Hi Cheese slices. I had to reply as I am very angry on your behalf. How dare anyone suggest you just get pregnant so you can enjoy Christmas,. That is such an unfeeling stupid suggestion. I am not sure what is actually wrong with you but there should be some support groups with people similar to you so you can reach out & connect with someone. Is your carer a professional carer or someone you know. Can you ask them to help or speak to your GP to find out who to contact. My husband is linked to 2 organisations related to his illness /disability & particularly enjoys meeting others even though they don't have the exact same condition they are similar & he feels less alone. I hope you can find something to help. Noone deserves to feel so alone as you seem to.

Hi Everyone,

I'm now back and connected to electronic devices. I have had a brief read of people's posts here.

CheeseSlices I wish you belated Christmas Greetings. I am so sorry to read you had such a tough Christmas.

I too am not familiar with your situation, and understand your feelings towards people suggesting you just have children...like it is that simple for everyone.

A couple of days ago a stranger asked why I don't have children, I explained I couldn't carry a baby to full term. It was then suggested I should have adopted children. It is not that simple.

I guess people mean well, but don't always realise what they are saying.

I've decided I am going to start making plans now for next Christmas! I have told my husband I don't want to go away next year for Christmas and don't necessarily want the usual Christmas celebrations either. I am considering having Christmas with family a week before Christmas Day and invite friends over for Christmas Day or Christmas Eve.

What changes would you all like to instigate to make next Christmas different?

Cheers all from Dools​

Thankyou for your kind replies :)

I am doing better now I figured out a few things - which doctors could not (ie medication rush was causing the intense illness) and dry air from the air conditioner was causing me to cough blood.

 

I have been to almost every support group they offer in this city. I have been to ALL of the private expensive ones on offer. And a fair few of the community and hospital based types (not for 2 years). I found GROW to be one of the most easy going and useful. I had to stop going as I lost my home earlier in the year due to my "mental illness" and have not found a group in this area.

 

I do not trust the psychiatric industry whatsoever and people telling me to "seek help" is as offensive as telling me a child will fix my life.

 

I have been in the system over a decade and by their own diagnosis and their own observation - they made me worse. It started off as Anxiety during university and morphed into "uncovered" mania when AD's sent me troppo.

 

Christmas is bad for me as I have flashbacks to the locked ward over 10 years ago, where I was bashed, sexually abused and my medication was dramatically altered just because no one bothered to ring my treating doctor. I was on 24 hour watch for the first 3 days - I was just a kid and had male nurses watch me in the shower and on the toilet. When they did get in contact every thing was re-instated and I was told to fire my treating doctor by the doctors in NSW as the medications I was on were at life threatening doses. They forgot to note how they put my life in danger but altering dosage so massively.

Last christmas I was under the "care" of a doctor and pain specialist who had me hospitalised over my birthday and christmas and blamed me for withdrawal symptoms. They said I could never come off the medication that was giving me unbearable side effects (Intrusive thoughts of hurting children). I do not trust them because I did manage to get off that drug. I've been off it a year now. Life is much easier but at the same time harder because I can see what I went through and it makes me so upset that they did that to me and continue to do that to others.

 

Next year I have been invited to go away for christmas - it is just not a realistic goal for me.

 

I need to process the PTSD around this time - but no doctor wants to hear that their treatment caused damage and distress - they rather dismiss and drug.

Hey Mrs Dools

Carrie Fishers mum Debbie Reynolds just passed away circa 1:pm EST. (stroke)

That is so sad.

Paul xo

Hi, 1st post for me, Anyone else struggled through Christmas, Was I the only one who didnt enjoy Christmas?

Christmas is supposed to be enjoyed with family and friends, not me, The lead up to Christmas was hell(I work as a retail store manager)all of the hype that goes along with it I can do without, I quit my job of 4 years due to stress and anxiety, Im so sick of feeling this way, I had family over for Christmas day and all I wanted to do is go into another room and curl up on the bed, I tried to be happy and put on a brave face and smile but its all fake, I was soo exhausted the next day I slept all afternoon, I cant seem to enjoy anything at the moment, feel sad all the time, I have battled this on my own without meds for over 15 years so I thought it was time to start, Gp put me on medication, Day 7 and dont feel any different yet, Here's to hoping it will work for me.

Oh God isn't it sad ....I adored watching Debbie's musical movies and listening to her sing when I was just a tiny little girl...she was so wholesome and innocent in her early roles.....as well as an amazingly brilliant talent...resilient businesswoman with fabulous sense of humour. (and lousy choices in men)

RIP both these ladies.....I was just thinking Carrie will be added to the "stars we have lost during the year" they play at the end of the Academy Awards Oscars each year...now the one and only Debbie Reynolds (Tammy) will be on there also.

She was one of the few remaining big big "movie stars" from the MGM Holly wood Musical era..Her son Todd, Carrie's brother, must be devastated.....a double loss of people you loved dearly and who loved you dearly....how does a person deal with that??

Hi Guest8042

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

I hear you loud and clear on battling/handling anxiety on your own...I wasted over 10 years of my life thinking I could 'get over it' through self healing...eating well....exercise....It just doesnt work until I started the meds and then realised that they actually help us build a better foundation on which we can heal with the therapy and various coping techniques etc.

Well done to you though for accepting the script from your GP. Great effort. (I was always anti-meds until I realised that anxiety was the same as a broken bone or a virus and needed treatment)

You have achieved a lot at Christmas with having your family over and do all the preparation as well. Its very noble of you, however sometimes its like trying to sprint in crutches...We just never knew we were wearing them :-)

There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you, even if you just want a chat. My anxiety goes back to 1983 and most of it has gone......Thats the good news....It does tend to hang around but with even basic meds and regular counselling and a crackerjack GP you will start lessening the intensity of the anxiety.

Having depression since 1996 its standard procedure to have 'the brave face' on.....

you are never alone here Guest. I hope you can stick around the forums....you would be an asset to many..If you have any questions or queries please go for it.

my kindest thoughts for you......please be gentle with yourself....

Paulx

Hi all and a belated Merry Christmas,

well I'm glad I found this thread. For the first time in a while I was looking forward to Xmas. Lunch with 'his' family then over to see mine. Well it didn't go to plan. After a misunderstanding after the lunch (which I figured out later) I was verbally abused called a disgrace and told I make a big deal out of things when he was the one who started yelling at me and name calling. I told him not to come to see my family. Usually after these episodes I feel so angry and upset fir days but I didn't this time. I thought about it and accepted that he has big issues. He is a verbally abusive person, bagged his mum at lunch in front of everyone and I have to say I do believe he is a narcissist. I pondered the his for a while and keep denying it to myself but I think it's true. I also noticed again that he and his sister buy particular things for his parents, things they don't want or don't use but they are things he wants. He convinces his sister to chip in and buy them but they are things he wants for his use.

I read up on narcissism, denying people their noughts or feelings, telling them they are too sensitive, claiming they are the victim and more. This is him. He really upset me during the week with hurtful words and then told me I break down to easily.

He really has big issues, he has a personality disorder. I think I can finally accept this instead of making excuses for him. I could tell you so much more about the things he has done, how he has tried to manipulate things to suit him but I won't go on. Everything came to light at Christmas. I don't know if I feel sorry for him or pity him.

Hey CMF :-)

always a treat to see you! Happy belated Christmas to you too!

You deserve so much better...seriously.......please dont do as I did and trash nearly ten years of my life being treated like crap by a partner

I really thought you would be doing okay. Im sorry you arent CMF

Hugs

Paulx

Hi Paul,

thank you. I am doing ok. Everything became clear. The things I thought but didn't want to believe I now know are true and correct. I can't believe how easily he manipulates people and always has. He makes you believe something is for your benefit when it is really for his. If you question this you are ungrateful or too sensitive and he is the victim. The issue he has with me is that I've worked him out and I challenge him, he can't handle this. As soon as you do this you are at fault and it's poor him.

anyway, I'm all good Paul. In 2017 I wNt to think about ME, what I want to do, what will make me happy, what's ood for me. Not what he wants me to do and what he thinks is best for me. He is the most irresponsible adult I've ever met, I've never come across anyone like him before, which is good, because his actions and behaviour are not the norm. Normal everyday people do not do what he does. If they did, it would be a disaster.

when he suffered anxiety not so long ago he told me he regretted his behaviour, how he treated people and how his behaviour hurt people. He said God was punishing him. I told him it was Karma. I would love to remind him of that conversation but I know he will abuse me again. It's a shame as I thought he had woken up to himself but a leopard doesn't change its spots. Maybe I will remind him but I my if I'm feeling good and strong.

i hope you are doing ok Paul, hadn't seen you for a while but noticed you've been back.

on a positive note, little miss 3 loved Xmas this year and really understood it. Knew she had to go to bed for Santa to come and when she saw her gifts under the xmas tree she was thrilled. I know Xmas is more than giving gifts but I believe at her age she should enjoy it and she did. His parents didn't even give her a gift, they are a strange lot, that's for sure.

cmf x

Hey CMF

Christmas is really for the children (as you know) For her not to even get a small token of a present is not only sad but speaks volumes about the family you thought you knew so well. (with respect of course)

My dad passed late last month so I have been sporadic in my posts. Mum and dad separated after 49 years of marriage and been living on their own for about 16 years....It hurts but I will be okay...

Great to see you again

Paulx

Dear Paul,

oh im so sorry about your Dad. I know you've been trying to look after your parents and it hasn't been easy for you. You're an amazing person.

I'm thinking of you and hope you are coping ok. I hope the new year brings you peace and happiness as you so deserve.

cmf x

Hi CheeseSlices,

I'm really sorry to read your story! Have you started up a thread of your own here so people will be able to offer you support and communicate more with you. This is an option if you have not done so already.

My Dr actually asked if I wanted to go to hospital for a couple of weeks before Christmas and another Dr asked if he thought I needed to be on suicide watch. My head was really screwed up around Christmas, from mid November really.

Reading your experiences I can certainly understand your anxiety and depression around this time of year. For me not being on medication is not an option. I really don't do too well at all! Sorry you have had such a rough experience.

I'm hoping you can find something that works for you. Is there any way you can start making plans now so you can get away next Christmas?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

Hi Paul,

Yes, I did hear the news about Debbie Reynolds. While working in aged care, one partner would often die very soon after their life partner's death. In some cases the surviving partner actually thrived and blossomed! One lady whom we all thought would just wither away turned into an amazing, confident, out going person once her husband died!

I'm thinking I really need to start standing up for myself more in my own marriage! My husband has said he wants to go away for Christmas again next year, I told him I want to stay home and celebrate here with friends. Maybe he will go away by himself?

Time will tell. Ha. Ha. Cheers from Mrs. Dools xx

Hi Guest,

Welcome to the community here at BB. Like Paul has mentioned, people here care about each other and are willing to listen and respond.

Regarding taking medication, sometimes it can take a while for the tablets to feel like they are working. There is a thread here somewhere all about taking anti depressant medications but my scattered brain can't recall what the thread is titled!

If you go back through some of the posts on this thread, you will see that many people have trouble with Christmas for one reason or another.

My husband decided we should go to Bali for Christmas this year. I woke up crying Christmas morning. My husband couldn't understand why and asked me to please stop crying. We went out for the day then to dinner. My husband doesn't understand my issues around Christmas so I too put on a brave face while crying on the inside.

People here understand! Hope you feel comfortable to share more of how you are coping and join in with other threads. There are some less intense sections in the Social Zone you might like to check out as well.

Cheers for now from Dools

CMF

Thankyou so much....you have a kind heart. Paulxo