Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Finally opening up

  1. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    17 November 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hey

    Yeah, I agree. I think I kind of knew that all along but was just afraid to. I kind of hoped that maybe things could rekindle or get back to the way they were, but when I kind of felt that they weren't, I knew I had to stop talking to her. I know you are not being mean. I think if something hurts, you just never want to accept that reality. You want to live the life where things are all good and exciting and you do not have to live with the pain and hurt.

    I hope I get it too. I feel like I can handle it and do a good job as a leader, so I really want to work towards that and hopefully prove myself right. So a fair bit of work to do, so let's see if I can get it done and work towards it.

    It's ok. I can only do so much with them. At the moment now I just have to kind of be patient and hope things start to change and work out for me,t hen I can probably look at moving out and so on. Also dont really want to move out on my own, so hopefully maybe I find someone soon too.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Blisstinia
    Blisstinia avatar
    4 posts
    19 November 2017

    Hey there :)

    I’ve read all 91 posts in this interaction and I just wanted to say, you guys have beautiful hearts. I know I wasn’t involved in the conversation but I’ve been moved by the consistent support and advice you all have been showing each other. Very rare you find people willing to show so much love and support, and you have all given me hope that I too can get support.

    And @zimbo I assume you’re Zimbabwean? It’s okay if you don’t want to reveal that information, but if it helps, I am too and I know how hard it can be for our families to fully understand the battle you’re going through.

    You are all such great people, and thank you for giving me back that hope :)

  3. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    19 November 2017 in reply to Blisstinia

    Hi Bliss

    Yes I am a Zimbabwean. You have no idea how happy it makes me to bump in to another Zimbo, even if on the web. It is probably the highlight of my day without a shadow of a doubt.

    Your words also are too kind, but I owe so much to Jay and even SPD. Jay has been here from day one and even when I am negative and pessimistic, he still comes back and helps me along.

    I am glad you were able to find some hope in our posts. I really hope to chat to you again. I don't know if you have created a thread or anything like that, but I am definitely going to be here for you. :D

  4. Blisstinia
    Blisstinia avatar
    4 posts
    19 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hello :)

    I’m glad you feel that way, I don’t know many zimbos myself so I know how exciting it feels.

    I am quite new to these forums, so I’m still working my way around numerous of threads to see the ones I resonate with, and if at all I can offer any help. I made a thread this morning, dunno how you can check it but it should pop up as new.

    You have a great support team here, I am even grateful for them on your behalf haha, but I am also grateful for your willingness to help me too.

    Thank you ✨

  5. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    19 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    It is very hard for things to go back to how they were before after a break up, they can go half way there or 75% there but 100% there is really tough and I think it is just too easy to keep breaking up once you have once. I understand not wanting to hold onto the pain either and only wanting to hold onto the good times which is totally fair but in fairness to you, you deserve 100% happiness and I just don't know if they will ever give it to you as much as you would want them too.

    The new goal at work seems to have given you some new motivation which is amazing, I am wrapt you have something to strive towards instead of moving to another job, this could be more fulfilling when you do achieve it.

    Moving out is tough but it matures you quickly, maybe finding a room to rent might be a good start, living with others but also on your own?

    Thank you for your kinds words as well in response to Blisstinia, I am glad they have found this thread helpful and resonated with it, exactly what the intention is for. I am always happy to help and I keep coming back because we all need support and my supports is actually helping others which helps me so even if you think you are not helping me, you are helping more than you know and I am very grateful for that.

    My best,

    Jay

  6. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    20 November 2017

    @bliss

    Take your time if you need to. Sometimes these forums can be a bit of a minefield and I know what its like when you feel a certain way and do not know where to turn. I am always here for you. Really excited to have met you, and appreciate your support in return. Looking forward to you being a regular member.

    @jay

    Yeah, I guess I was just holding on to some hope. We were messaging again and I thought that maybe if it could rekindle, it might be good, but it did not work out that way, so I am looking at moving on. Trying to just take each day as it comes. I know it can be hard and so I am not trying to overwhelm myself. I always get a sense of renewal when I come on here and see responses like yours and Bliss.

    It definitely has motivated me a bit. My team leader will be going away soon on holiday and she has given me a bit of responsibility in that period which is good. I guess it shows that I can be trusted and she sees that I have that potential. So hopefully I can prove her right and stick to my guns.

    I don't really want to move out in to a house share. Done that many times and it can be a bit draining. I want to move out, but I want to get my own place now. Have that bit of independence and freedom. It seems to be the best way forward in that sense, but I do know that it wont be easy, so trying to work on all these plans as they come.

  7. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    20 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    That's ok, it is always good to try but I think you have realised it isn't going where you want it too and that is a good thing that you are prepared to fully move on. Only happiness can come from this.

    Awesome news about the team leader giving you some responsibilities, they must have some good faith in you so do realise that there are plenty of people that see good in you.

    I understand about the house share, wasn't aware you have tried it before, I think moving out may be the best thing you could do, it really forces you to become fully independent and not rely on anyone, doesn't mean your family doesn't care for you or anything just for yourself to tell yourself you can do it.

    My best,

    Jay

  8. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    21 November 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hi mate

    I think I had to realise that a small part of her will always be attached to me, which isn't a bad thing. It just means they had an impact on my life that shaped me for the better and the next person who comes along gets to experience that better version of me. The version that the person missed out on because they could not see it. Sometimes it doesnt work out and you just have to move forward. I like this quote:

    "Moving on is when your heart is no longer stuck on the person, moving is forward is choosing not to put your life on hold whether you're over them or not"

    I summarised the full thing, but I think that gets the gist across. I think I am trying to take those steps to move forward. It can hurt, but every time I feel myself falling to that, I just remember that I can move forward and I can find some solace in other things, and hopefully if i keep plugging away, one day I will find someone who will see the things in me my ex didn't, or i will excel at my work. So I am trying not to be bitter, but making every effort to move forward.

    Yeah, I like that she sees that and is giving me that responsibility. I like that I can take it on as well and do it. I hope I can prove myself so that it shows through and then hopefully when something does open up, be it this store or another, I can be offered it and grab it.

    That's ok. I don't think it came up. My ultimate goal is to move out. I really like certain suburbs and want to move to them, so one day it is my aim. If anything my family would want me to stay but I want to move out more, and it's me telling them that I do still love them, but I just need to find some space too.

  9. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    21 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I like your outlook on moving forward and moving on, honestly that is amazing to read and truly now shows how far along you have come from when you first posted and to be honest I don't even think when you first started posting here you could of imagined you would be saying those posts some 61 posts later on your thread but it shows growth on your end and that is the most important thing. I also like that you realise that the next person you meet will see all these positive things about you and will get to cherish them about you. One quote I like is "You will keep tripping on what's in front of you, if you keep looking behind you" I think this is good because let's say you meet someone new and you're too focused on your ex to realise that they may be the perfect one for you and you should invest your energy into them.

    It is a great goal to move out, hopefully with the new found motivation at work and now moving out may be more of an option going forward.

    My best,

    Jay

  10. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    22 November 2017

    Hi mate

    I wrote response and then my computer crashed on me. So frustrating. I feel like the outlook feels very good more often than not these last few days, however there are days when you have relapses and that is the worst. Whether it is relapses in terms of the depression, the ex, or just general things, it knocks you hard and can be a major problem. I try to remain strong and resilient in those moments, but sometimes its just not possible and I fall and struggle.

    That's a good quote. The hard part is being able to do all of these things. I like to feel like I can stay strong or be in a good place, but sometimes it is just so hard. I think my biggest fear right now is the fear of being alone, and that takes over on so many levels.

    Yeah I'm trying to take each step as it comes in terms of that. So moving out wont happen right now, but I know that it will at some point. I guess I need to prove myself at work and then hopefully see what happens from there.

    This feels a lot poorly worded as opposed to what I had written before my computer crashed, im sorry. Brain is not functioning now...

  11. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    22 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I think the relapses are ok, it is all apart of this journey to be honest, I think we need them so we can sort of see where we do not want to go back too, like I have said before, it is ok to miss your ex or what not, it is holding onto the good memories however and remembering them when you want but also remembering that the next phase of your life is waiting for you as well. The fear of being alone is real and I have felt it many times, there isn't a cure for it but it is understanding brighter days are not far away. You can do this. Being strong is half the battle as well, you learn to be strong whilst dealing with all this too.

    I think the response came out fine as well.

    My best,

    Jay

  12. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    24 November 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hi mate

    I know relapses happen, sometimes i guess we have to make our minds realise that they happen but it's all about how we overcome it. Sometimes the relapses remind you of a better time though. A happier time. That is a time which you want to come back, so you try to get back to it somehow i guess, or you wish you were back in that.

    I also look at other people who have had depression and how they have overcome it. It takes me some figuring out as to how they were able to overcome it a lot quicker. How they were able to move on from it much faster. Sometimes it kind of frustrates me that the same does not happen. I tend to get in to a circle. Just as I feel like I am coming out of it, something happens that drags me back to that point.

  13. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    28 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    My apologies inbetween my responses, I wasn't well the last few days so wasn't on the forums.

    I agree with relapsing back into our mental health and it does make us appreciate the better times and I think when we relapse it is important to remind ourselves that we can overcome it.

    I think looking at people who have overcome depression is half of the story, you don't see the full struggle they went through to get to the stage and I am sure down the track someone will look at you and say the same thing about you and that you overcame it.

    How has the past few days been for you?

    My best,

    Jay

  14. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    29 November 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hey mate

    Not been the best few days since Thursday. Got really badly ill last week, and overcame that flu, but still have some sort of throat infection. Had to spend some time in hospital one of the evenings gone by. Has not had be in the best shape overall. Hoping it clears up soon and I can get back to doing everything. It's amazing how illness can impact your mental health too.

    Work has gotten quite hectic as well too. Our team leader is away on holiday and our new assistant team leader stresses out about a lot of things. So I have been having to deal with a lot of it because our team leader left me with that 2ic role. I can deal with leadership and I do well at it, but I hate when people make issues so much harder than they really area. It's been difficult as it is being unwell.

    I really want to be a success story which is why I look back on others as a way of seeing that it is possible, but every time I tend to get somewhere, I fall back further and it just makes the whole thing harder.

  15. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    29 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Sorry to hear, I was in and out of the doctors office for a few days as well, are you feeling any better now?

    Yeah, some managers struggle with stress, it is odd why they are in that role, just need to rise above it and almost take control of each situation, I think that would work out better for you in the long term as well.

    You are becoming the success story, all someone has to do is read this thread from start to now and I reckon they would say how far you have come. I know it feels like you are taking steps back but in reality, you are taking steps back to walk a few steps further, it is the nature of the beast that is mental health, drags us up and down but you have come so far so please don't think you haven't.

    My best,

    Jay

  16. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    30 November 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hi Jay

    I am feeling a little bit better, but still not 100%. One of these long running issues about my health that keep frustrating me. I also apologise, I completely forgot to ask how you are feeling and if you are feeling better?

    I guess I was really lucky in that I was always thrust in to leadership roles from a young age, so I got to learn about them quickly. Generally I tend to deal with them pretty well, but it's just when my health its a cross roads that I struggle to ever see myself succeeding, and my health goes south often and quickly.

    Hahah, that is too kind of you to say. It might be my high expectations, but I will generally only consider myself a success story when I can actually see the results in full as opposed to partly. The number of mental and internal battles I have to deal with, I often wonder what I would be like if I didn't have them, if I was normal so to speak...

  17. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    30 November 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    That's ok, don't stress, I am feeling better, running at about 90-95% so nearly there. Glad you're feeling better.

    You sound like a natural leader which is great but health always has a way to bring us down and peg or two, I guess not letting that define you in your career is key. Remember you have survived everything you have been through so far so you have a 100% success rate, keep going.

    Only you can truly consider yourself a success story when you think you are but from an outside perspective, you have come a long way and that is what I see, yes we all wish we didn't have to deal with all of this but you know what, it makes you so much stronger in the long run. It takes you through the valleys just to show you the peaks.

    Much on for the weekend?

    My best,

    Jay

  18. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    1 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Thats good to hear. I am glad you are feeling much better. Mine just does not want to seem to go away.

    Haha, well I lead a lot of my school sport teams and that helped me a lot. I don't wish to be a leader, but I find it an easy role to do rather than the monstrosity that everyone tends to make it out to be these days. I feel like people have forgotten the point of leadership roles and just want the role for the title as opposed to what it represents and actually means. I really want to get to a leadership role just so I can prove a lot of the head office guys wrong about the way they run a store and treat people.

    Yeah, I don't think I am there at all, or close to getting there. I know what are my biggest pains and I don't have to keep repeating them, but I think once I have the things I want, I will be able to maybe start thinking about taking the view you have.

    My cousins twins have their 1st birthday tomorrow, so will be going for that. Have work on Sunday so that is not the most exciting, but has to be done. No other big plans as such. Hopefully can start to feel a bit better than I can get back in to the gym.

    How about you?

    p.s. is it a little odd that this thread is so long and yet everyone else stops after a few posts? Almost feels like the conversation needs to be in a different area now.

  19. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    3 December 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Thanks, I am feeling better, how about yourself? Did you have a good weekend?

    I agree about the leadership stuff, people want it for the title but don't really understand what it takes to be a leader, it is not easy and managing people and their emotions is quite hard. It is good you want those roles because it shows your sheer determination.

    You feel how you feel, and if you feel you are not close then keep working every day to get to where you think you need to be, the only person stopping you, is you.

    My weekend was kind of boring, nothing to major, no golf so that was disappointing, hopefully next weekend.

    Not at all, this is your thread, your journal, people stop after a few posts if they feel they got the answer they want, you were here looking for long term support and that is what you are doing, you never know who is reading your thread and taking strength from it.

    My best,

    Jay

  20. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    4 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Thats good to heard. I am feeling better, but still not quite 100%, have some lingering things which I need to get checked out.

    My weekend was ok. Enjoyed the twins birthday mainly because I got to see them, but other than that, was nothing spectacular. Haven't been golfing since last week Oct. Seems an age. Just trying to get back on track at the moment.

    Yeah, it can be quite an arduous process. I did not think it would take me this long, but I guess sometimes long term is much better than allowing the relapses to take control. I feel like that can happen. Hope to find my way back health wise and that will hopefully help my mind.

  21. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    4 December 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Yeah get them checked out if they are hanging around, I was in and out of the doctors for a few days until they could work out what I had going on.

    Yeah I haven't been golfing for ages either, I had a bad game last time around and got frustrated with it, not good to be honest because I really enjoy it. Hopefully will be going this week to be honest.

    It is a long journey, you are correct in saying that, it has so many twists and turns but only you can change it. As time goes on, it will get better and you just become happier.

    My best,

    Jay

  22. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    5 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hi mate

    Yeah, going to try and get it all sorted out. Want to start moving forward, not being stagnant.

    I know, I really need to get back out on the course. Sometimes just finding the motivation to do so is the hard part. The bad games always tend to happen and frustrate us. Just keep at it, you will always find some good in the bad.

    Sometimes it feels like an almost impossible journey. Or even never ending. I guess it gets frustrating too when you see how quickly others get over things, and it takes you longer than you expect or wanted.

  23. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    5 December 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Keep working on getting better, it's all you can fully control.

    I agree, you lose motivation with golf and I haven't even been to the driving range. I can't wait to get onto the course on Sunday if I go. Need the fresh air I think.

    I have been there too, feel like it is never ending, the journey never stops, I think every day we are constantly recovering, sometimes just from the day's events, this journey is a long and short thing, we can only focus on something every single day and try to fix it. I think when you see others moving on from things quickly it can be a façade, everyone is great at hiding their true feelings I have learn't over time.

    My best,

    Jay

  24. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    6 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Motivation is a major issue with a lot of things. Going to the gym, getting out of bed, golf....it's just one of those things and I'm not really sure how you get it done. I don't think people realise how much of a factor the mental state can be.

    Well, this has been moved to the long term section so looks like we're in that phase. It can be a facade, but it really just knocks you down when you see it, because you do not know it is a facade. It's like when you see someone who has found someone else so soon after a break up, or that person has found a new job straight after losing one...you kind of wonder how it is possible, and why the same does not happen to you.

  25. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    6 December 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    Motivation is a funny thing, it is not something you can buy or anything you simply need to generate it in your own mind and find that desire inside of you. I listen to a lot of motivation songs or stuff on YouTube to try and generate motivation of my own, writing down what you want can help as well then you can focus on each goal, even if it just what you want to do every day, like a to do list.

    I know what you are saying about how it feels people sometimes are getting further ahead but this is all perception, you need to stop comparing yourself to others and where they are at in their life, you can only control where you are and use every day as a chance to be further ahead than where you were yesterday. Growth starts with you and that is all you can control.

    My best,

    Jay

  26. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    7 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hi mate

    I agree. That's the challenge though I guess. Trying to beat that mind so you can generate the motivation. It is extremely difficult to do so at time. I listen to some motivational things on youtube some times and they tend to give me motivation for the moment, but then after a while, I've forgotten it already.

    I come from a culture where comparing is quite common. So i grew up being compared to siblings, family, friends etc...If I was not doing the right thing by my community, I was failing. I guess I try to not let it get to me and focus on the things that work for me, but it's a hard thing to beat when its engrained in you. I don't like where I am at the moment. I know where I want to be, and I know that there are certain steps to be taken, somehow I am not sure if I will be able to complete them and see the end result. I keep feeling like I will only get a certain distance and stop halfway.

  27. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    7 December 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    I am the same, I can hear motivation things and they move for a bit and then I forget them, you also need to write them down or make listening to them apart of your morning ritual to give yourself the pep in your step when you start your day.

    I think you need to maybe write down the things you want to achieve, start with small stuff and work up to the bigger stuff, we all have big dreams and aspirations of where we want to be, but it is the age old thing.. crawl before you can walk, everything takes time, I know being compared doesn't make it easy but you can break tradition, all you can worry about is you, end of the day, you are the only thing standing in your way of where you think you want to be. You can get there.

    My best,

    Jay

  28. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    11 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hey mate.

    Yeah, that makes sense. You kind of need to make it habit so it becomes ingrained in you. It is a tough thing to do thought when you are fighting your mind.

    Right now I just want to be able to get through the day. Mornings are a chore, evenings are hell. I try to break tradition on a lot of things. This obviously does not go down too well, but I do try and will make an effort to not fit the mould. I've never been one for the mould. Frustration gets the better of me. Mostly because I know what I am capable of and where I am. Falling down so far is quite frustrating.

    Hope you had a good weekend?

  29. BballJ
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    BballJ avatar
    2032 posts
    11 December 2017 in reply to Guest_0087

    Hi zimbos05,

    We fight our minds every day but eventually it does get ingrained into them I feel.

    I think you are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can possibly ask of you, we all get frustrated with our lack of moving forward sometimes especially when it feels like we have. Knowing what you are capable of is the most important thing and I am glad you know that because you need it to keep on going. Every fall down however is a chance to get back up and prove yourself wrong again.

    Weekend was ok, nothing to amazing, just a wedding and that was about it. How was your's?

    My best,

    Jay

  30. Guest_0087
    Guest_0087 avatar
    224 posts
    12 December 2017 in reply to BballJ

    Hi mate

    I think fighting the minds is probably the toughest battle though. It's a horrible one and hopefully the good stuff gets ingrained in them.

    I guess I can only go off what others tell me. I personally don't feel like I am succeeding too much, but I am not going to sit here and doubt you. You probably get to see things from a different perspective and are able to talk about things in a different manner as opposed to the one going through it. It probably means you are able to provide that support in a better manner and be more objective. Sometimes you wonder if it is worth getting back up though. How many times must you keep trying and working only to fall, when you see others are succeeding but are probably not the nicest of people (not sure how to word that)

    Weddings can be quite fun sometimes. Mine was nothing special. Went bowling and for lunch with my cousins, which was a nice to an extent, but still felt a little outsider-ish. Worked on the Sunday, Managed to get to the range on Sunday night for the first time in a while. Was a good short session. Only hit a small bucket, but it was nice to get back in to it again despite my game still not being the level I want or know I am capable of.

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up