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Forums / Long term support over the journey / I can't find the right place for me to post

Topic: I can't find the right place for me to post

  1. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    3641 posts
    16 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck
    Hi Moonstruck,

    We're so sorry to hear that it's been one thing straight after another for this past six months. It sounds like you're feeling really low today. Please know that the community is here to support you and many of members can relate to the feeling of being beaten down that you're describing.

    We understand what you are saying when you say that ringing a helpline will not change the circumstances that you are finding yourself in, but you may find that it helps just to talk it out. It is your choice, but please do feel free to get in touch with Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport Lifeline (13 11 14).

    We hope you can find something that can bring you some comfort tonight, even if it's just something to distract yourself like watching a movie. If you're comfortable doing so, please feel free to let the community know what's been happening for you today and how we can best support you.
       
    1 person found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    8220 posts
    16 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Moon,

    I hear you and your pain. I understand the broken leg metaphor.

    You are such a kind sensitive compassionate person who needs time to heal.

    i have no wise words but I can be supportive while you heal.

    I know that feeling of feeling beaten but may that means you need rest.

    you have suffered so much this year and have had not had time to mend.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    7363 posts
    16 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Dear Moon...

    It’s hard when one thing traumatic happens let alone 4...I’m sorry that it’s been happening to you...

    Sometimes it’s really hard to ring an emergency number when we’re so down and feel beaten...Please if you can try again to give them a ring?...Just talking to someone away from family may give you some extra coping tools to use..I know when I ring a mh life line just talking out my thoughts and feeling really do help...I had to ring a mental health emergency number last Tuesday to help me get out of my head...

    Maybe take some time away from your home..a few hours and rest in a nice quiet peaceful place and take in your surroundings...I’m not sure if it will help you..but sometimes we need to take a nature break to calm our anxiety and thoughts...

    I know you said your beaten...You’re a strong person Moon..and stronger then you think you are...I know everyone says that to us at times, but it’s really so true, we just don’t see it when we are down so much...

    Sitting with you lovely lady...with my care and love..

    please take it easy Moon and don’t forget that you are important and need to take good care of you with gentleness and love..

    My kindest wishes Moon.

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3387 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Thank you all for hearing me. I just want someone to Hear Me. I would love to ring and talk to BB again....but will have to leave it till late tonight....because I have interaction with several different people at different times...in public...and I know I will get upset and cry when talking to BB and won't be in my calm, controlled manner when I carry out my other duties during the day.

    Then I think....which "event" or "stressor" will I talk about? If I mention the first, we could speak for quite a while just on that...or do I pick the second? when I've explained that one, there won't be time for the poor counsellor to continue with me onto the 3rd...what about the very latest? That would take up a long time just in itself........where do I start?

    Yes I can make an appointment with my counsellor here, face to face, but she's so heavily booked, by the time the day rolls around I am probably managing a lot better and have to cancel...this has happened before and embarrassing to keep making one and cancelling!! Not fair on her office either.

    When I need to speak to her, I need to speak to her NOW. She doesn't take phone appointments, although she probably did earlier when Covid was at its peak....my GP does phone appointments for script renewals which is handy....but I need to talk to someone NOW. I screamed it out in the car yesterday..."Someone HELP ME"....but nothing came. I woke this morning and the load went back onto my shoulders again.

    .when someone in my family is in pain and confusion and has injustices done to them I want to talk to them all the time...keep checking on them....so hard to stop myself from intruding and making them feel worse.....they know I am here and will do anything to help...and that's all I can do...I know that!!!

    But I can't lay this burden of their problems and pain down.....tell me how to put it down...Please!

    I am terribly afraid I will break down completely with the weight of it...and I have commitments in public, that I have to carry out...what if I break down then, at that moment/s when others are looking at me, listening to me, talking to me?

  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    7363 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Moon,

    If you break down in public..sweetheart there is no shame in that....you are human and facing so much stress and anxiety atm....Try not to think about that happening....I have broken down in public before and the people around me offered me comfort and care....

    I can understand how your feeling about your families hurt going on to you...that is a mother’s love...Mums always worry and care about their families regardless of their age..

    having them know that you’re always there for them is all you can do.,,and that’s beautiful love coming from your soul..

    It is nearly impossible to stop thinking about your lovely families pain...because you love them very much and I think we can get frustrated when we are not able to take their pain away from them...Please know sweetheart that you are doing your very best and as you said you are always their for them if your needed..and really that is all you can do...You’re a beautiful caring mum and grandmother...who wants only the best for your family...and that dear Moon is gold...

    Take some deep breaths when you need to and look around to find something to focus on if your anxiety gets to much..

    I really do hope that today isn’t to hard for you..and you can get some light shining in through to your warm caring heart..

    My love and care dear Moon,,

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3387 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Thanks Grandy...you are the sweetest person. I Googled up "carrying others' pain, problems" and found a piece by someone called E.B. Johnson. (I didn't get their details, I was in such a hurry to copy and print it out) it seemed to talk directly to me, about what I was dealing with. some quotes from it are "No matter how much we care for someone, it is not our responsibility to look after their emotional wellbeing for them. Our load is heavy enough without adding the weight of someone else's experiences..." " those of us with empathic tendencies can find ourselves drowning in a sea of anxiety, misery and hopelessness, all as a result in our inability to compartmentalise and detach...we have to embrace the fact that the only person's happiness we are responsible for is our own"

    "It doesn't matter how badly you want to help someone its just not possible to resolve their pain for them" "when we pick up the emotional pain of other people, it weighs us down and makes us feel sad, lethargic and even hopeless"

    This person, E B Johnson seemed to know just how I was feeling. when I went out to be with friends later, I was able for the first time in ages, to focus on them, the conversation and the evening and put my despair and worry about my loved ones aside ...for that one evening anyway. It may not sound much, but the fact I was able to "put it aside" and put their pain down even for a brief time...I felt was a big big achievement. I hope I can continue to find some solace in what I found on the internet.

    I don't know how long it will last, and realise it's no magic cure....but for one night I was able to put their pain to one side.....that does not mean I dont care, or love them, or not interested.....I just had to do something to save myself or I will be no use to them at all anyway........am I on the right track?

  7. Paw Prints
    Paw Prints avatar
    953 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Moon,

    ..but for one night I was able to put their pain to one side.....that does not mean I dont care, or love them, or not interested.....I just had to do something to save myself or I will be no use to them at all anyway........am I on the right track?

    Very simply... yes you are.

    Remember the air mask in the aeroplane analogy... you can't be there for others if you don't care for yourself first. You are right to feel that your being able "to put it aside" was a big achievement.

    Hugs

    Paws

    2 people found this helpful
  8. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10781 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hey Moon

    just sharing some caring from Paws

    Paws mentioned "you can't be there for others if you don't care for yourself first. You are right to feel that your being able "to put it aside" was a big achievement"

    Paws is spot on here Moon....its clarity + wisdom combined!

    2020 has been a rough year Moon...I used to have a very tired/stressed mind....I understand its difficult to do yet please avoid 'Dr Google' as it can sometimes exacerbate the problems we already have.

    be gentle to yourself Moon....please

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3387 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to blondguy

    It wasn't "Dr Google" Paul...it was just looking for thoughts on the topic...not searching for a diagnosis, or symptoms or whatever.....just reading what other people's point of view was.......like people watch TED Talks and get a lot out of them on various topics....that's not Dr Google either..

    Good to hear from you again...I wish I was my old Moonstruck self so that I could have a happier conversation with my old pal BlondGuy....but I don't know if "she" will ever reappear again...been such a terrible year...I don't think I can take much more.....x

    1 person found this helpful
  10. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    8220 posts
    18 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Moon, I just wrote a reply and lost it. the quotation of EB Johnson was something I could relate to.

    I too wonder about who I am anymore, I feel lost. I think the old moon is there but a bit changed and dealing with grief and loss.

    You have had a terrible year andI know the feeling of not wanting to cope with anything more and of feeling I am breaking down .

    moon we can’t do this, being vulnerable and being honest about how we are struggling is really important . You’re very sensitive and self aware.

    I have no wise words but I can be with you on this journey.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3387 posts
    20 November 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    Thank you Sophie and others who encouraged me to ring a BB counsellor. I did so today and it was a good idea..as usual....have a good weekend people...xxx
  12. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8134 posts
    21 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck
    My dear friend Moon,

    I think I may have suggested on the past that you are an empath. I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and grief. I'm glad you found some comfort from your phone call.

    I'm sending you love, strength and support Moon, as you have always for me. We've been friends here for a long time. If we could sit and have coffee I'd be there in a heartbeat, so I hope you can what I'm sending your way.

    Take care my dear friend. We're all here to l listen and support you.

    CMF x
  13. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3387 posts
    21 November 2020 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF.......I wish I wasn't! I wish I just "understood, sympathised, offered support and love " etc etc...without experiencing the "feeling" of something that isn't even happening to me! I may as well be shackled in chains beside them, being tortured alongside them, ....that's how real sharing their pain is to me.....xx

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3387 posts
    21 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Dear friends

    I maybe completely on the wrong track here but will share my view anyway. You know the emphasis on suicide prevention, Are U OK? day...and how to respond to someone who has anxiety/depression which could have them considering self harm?

    (Word to everyone, I am not in any danger myself)

    we tend to hear when someone suicides the people who knew them asking "Why didn't they SAY something? If only I'd known". My inward response has always been "well they probably did say something, or give a clue they were doing it tough, but you just didn't HEAR them"

    As you all know I've been extremely low these past months with a new family problem I am consumed with and am barely holding myself together. This morning during a friendly exhange with a neighbour, a nice lady I get along well with, considerate, helpful and a good person.

    On her asking "how are you" I replied "I'm very very tired" "Oh that's right, you've been busy with your ........." (and then named my hobby/activity.

    I then said "I'm very worried about ....then mentioned something minor like our garden, plants, etc..saying "My anxiety is going through the roof, I can't stop worrying about it"

    she replied "Oh if that's all I had to worry about, I'd be happy.".. Looking at her smiling face I knew immediately I couldn't tell her what was really causing my anxiety or how I was still at times, overcome with crippling grief for my partner who died in May. (a long now time I guess, everyone else has forgotten but it comes back crystal clear for me).

    I think my point is...if one day I succumb to the despair and God forbid...self harm ...will her reaction be "Why didn't she TELL me how low she was feeling, why didn't she SAY something". I did make a futile attempt but with her light hearted reaction, brushing off my anxiety as trivial, I knew I couldn't go any further, with the possibility of a similarly useless reply.

    I repeat again, this is a nice intelligent lady and we get along well. She didn't mean to make me feel worse, but she did.

    Do you think this happens a lot, which could deter those on the brink of suicide from "saying something". I believe the majority do try.....so if this happens...do you think you'll be able to "hear" them?

  15. Croix
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    9185 posts
    22 November 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Dear Moon~

    Suicide is completely outside the experience or even thinking of a large percentage of the population, which means that that are not equipped to ask and take the appropriate action.

    There are sadly also old outmoded beliefs due to this ignorance, such things as mentioning suicide will have a negative effect

    This is a great pity as just about anyone has the potential to help someone in crisis if only they know a little more, they do not need to be doctors or paramedics to give simple listening and showing care.

    A typical course can change that, As just one example of many QPR Online Gatekeeper Training would be enough, a very inexpensive and simple means of giving someone the life skills all should have.

    https://qprinstituteaustralia.com.au/course/qpr-online-gatekeeper-training/

    An hour and a half to two hours is all that is needed. l'd encourage everyone, including your neighbor, to do this or some equivalent course. It is not demanding or hard.

    As I mentioned QPR is one of many and I only use it as one example.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful

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