No need to apologise.
I see where you are coming from.
You are right about anger. I hate it. I hate myself and everything around me because I'm always reminded of how I keep screwing things up for myself. I keep remembering the dumb things I have said or done. I keep remembering all the stupid bad things I do to myself. I keep hating EVERYTHING about me. I really do not like myself.
I have moments where I can accept it. I have done this lately and it seems to be working a bit.
I feel like I've just a hit wall. Almost everything I do to improve myself is hit with the "should've done this sooner because things could be SO MUCH BETTER now" attitude. It's the worst. I just have to drop it. Tbh I think I'm in the process of doing it.
I don't think I do anything unattractive - I'm just awkward to be around maybe. I hate that. I can understand how people work yet I can't seem to be able to do it myself. I get thrown too easy. It's awkward. I just feel like crying because it's not getting easier.
I'm beginning to see how you find the level of anger and frustration intimidating. I might raise it with my psych next time I see him. Mum said it was 'unfair' what i did this morning - but i mean I still stand by it. No one seems to be caring enough. I'm really over having to clamour for people's attention. People have left me in droves... I'm losing friends quicker than I gain them and even then I feel like they really just don't like me.
I've kind of gotten to a point now where I simply do not care enough about anything. I'm just going to do whatever I have to do. I'm sick of people telling me that I have to 'have fun' and 'enjoy myself'. Why should I? In all honesty I'm done with that crap. At this rate I'm going to get nowhere in life.
The rational side of me know this is all crap but then the emotional side of me knows that it's bloody difficult in life just generally so why bother...
Feels like I just progressively shoot myself in the foot all the damn time... I'm sick of fake it til you make it because I've been doing that for years and its gets nowhere..